Me and my wife decided to take a weekend trip down to the Miami then from there the beach. We have been planning this trip for about a week or so and I was really excited about it.
We got to the city in the evening and really just spent time exploring and enjoying things. Here’s when things get bad: My wife said she wanted to drive around and see all over and I agreed, however I told her that we don’t stay in the city too often and it has crime like any other so we need to keep that in mind.
I lived in a not-so-nice area for a large portion of my life so I know when a place is sketchy.
As we were driving, she eventually wandered into an area that immediately set off my red flags and I told her this. My wife did not listen to me. She continued to drive deeper into this area and I told her repeatedly to turn around because this is a clearly odd area and it was night at this point.
She continued to drive around and we did not fit in to this place at all it was clear, not our car, not us, nothing. Our windows are not even tinted either.
I’m getting increasingly worried as I see a group of people eyeing our car. I tell my wife firmly to turn around and she still doesn’t listen because she insisted that she wanted to continue seeing the place and said I was likely just paranoid.
Because of my luck we ended up needing gas and she needed to pee, so we fucking stopped. We STOPPED at a GAS STATION. My wife exits the car, leaving me to pump the gas. I try to go as fast as I can, next thing you know someone comes up behind me with a gun and takes my wallet, phone, and earrings.
Another person searches the car and takes nearly everything. My wife comes back out and the same man robs her too. (The person searching the car was holding me at gunpoint by this time so I couldn’t do anything.)
To my “luck” they didn’t take the keys or the car, but they took everything else.
I didn’t let my wife drive back, I drove us out of there and to a much safer area then got help from someone and reported everything. After everything, the police barely helped, I had to call the bank and freeze our cards, etc alas it left me furious, upset, and frustrated.
I couldn’t and still can’t help but feel like it’s my wifes fault because I told her to stop. I told her it was a sketchy area. I repeatedly warned her and she didn’t listen, now I have to continue facing all this shit.
I love my wife obviously but I just don’t know how to move past this. It’s been a week and I still can’t really talk to her.
TL;DR
Me and my wife were mugged after I warned her multiple times we were in a sketchy area and to turn around however she didn’t listen and ended up stopping for gas. I can’t help but feel like it’s her fault because if she would’ve just listened this wouldn’t have happened.
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Nothing is guaranteed in life and chances in this case are higher in let’s say high risk area but you have to focus on the good here. You both are still alive, maybe traumatized but alive. You have each other to lean on and support through this.
Regardless of what you think, you don’t mention in this missive what your wife thinks. If she was a little naive going into this chances are she isn’t anymore. So if she feels bad about this then you may have to chalk it up to her learning a very valuable life lesson. Unless you think this incident hasn’t fazed her at all, which would be bizarre, you sometimes have to accept life’s hurdles and not allow them to destroy the things you’ve built, such as your marriage.
Why was she driving? She doesn’t prefer to be a passenger princess??
Just so you know. She knows this and probably recognizes you feel that way.
She’s probably drowning in guilt.
Go tell her it’s okay, I bet she breaks down.
Be mad at the society that created the people who robbed you…and the people that robbed you…don’t blame your naive wife. Who btw, you explained she didn’t have lived experience to draw from. She was a victim too…
I know tone doesn’t convey well on the internet and this word is often used as a weapon to belittle people, but in the kindest way possible, I think you would benefit from therapy. You and your wife were both victims of a crime, neither of you were to blame for what happened. I think working out your feelings about what it means to be a victim can help you gain some perspective before you say something that possibly hurts your wife and your relationship forever.
Meh with your logic I’ll just say it’s your fault for going. She didn’t hold a gun to your head and make you go. Shit happens. Not to mention it’s Miami. Get over it already.
What is she saying?
I am so sorry man. To be honest I would be absolutely furious at her for this. It doesn’t matter if she is naive to stuff like this or not. You expressed multiple times that you were sketched out in the area and wanting to turn around. Seems like your wife was in a “teehee this is so much fun and nothing bad can happen to me!” mood and it put both of you guys in danger. If it had been the other way around, I’m sure she would be so pissed off at you for endangering her safety like that. It would be a completely different story lol.
I don’t know what would have been so difficult for her to respect your uncomfortableness and turn around when you were asking her to and specifically telling her that it was an unsafe area. But then to actually pull over and get gas in this area and go inside is absolutely wild. I don’t blame you for blaming her tbh. Because it’s kinda her fault? And people are going to downvote me about this but you told her it was an unsafe area, and repeatedly asked to leave, and instead of respecting the situation and leaving, she pulls over and gets you guys in a situation where you got robbed. If it was the other way around they would be dogging you for endangering your wife’s life like that, but since it’s your wife that was driving, it’s just a big misunderstanding and she needs comfort and its not her fault that she’s naive. I’m sure feels bad about this but come on man. This whole thing is wild. I’m sorry that happened.
You’re stuck in a loop of anger and resentment toward your wife. your emotions are overwhelming logic. Blaming her won’t undo what happened, it will only damage your marriage. If this festers, it could create long-term bitterness.
Separate emotion from fact. Did your wife intend for this to happen? No. Accept that both of you are victims, not adversaries.
Your anger is valid, you warned her, and she dismissed you. But she didn’t cause the robbery. The criminals did. Blaming her is a way to cope with helplessness, but it won’t heal you. Talk to a therapist,this was traumatic, and professional help can untangle the anger.
She really could’ve gotten y’all hurt all because she wanted to be Dora the explorer in the wrong part of town. Tell her how you feel and that she needs to listen to you and not dismiss your feelings in the future. That whole situation could’ve been avoided if she listened to you.
I’ve been robbed 16 times in my life, alone and within a group of 5 guys. So please hear me out when I say this – your wife is not the cause of your misery. Projecting on her is bad for her, and your relationship.
Shit happens. Partners stick through it. If you can’t stick through this one maybe release her from the guilt tripping you plan on doing forever.
Depending on what vows you made towards each other like if you said anything about keeping the other person safe or obeying them then she might have broken vows which is worst. When you break vows thats ground for terminating your marriage.
Has she apologized? Has she acknowledged that she should have listened to you?
What was your wife’s reaction afterwards?
How did she not see that there was another person at your vehicle when she began walking back to the car? Is she always this oblivious?
Did you file a police report?
You were both victims of crime and need to see a therapist to help you process it all before pointing fingers at each other out of fear and frustration. Your wife did not do this. People who have no fear of taking from others and your frustration with the local law enforcement who provided no further assistance than taking the report are responsible for generating these emotions although, ultimately, it is up to you to notify your card holders, etc, so you accounts can be locked down and flagged.
Does it suck while you are already in a state of shock? Yes. But redirecting that angry energy to attack your wife is not going to help you get through this. You aren’t the only one affected and she is probably beating herself up for it in addition to going through everything you have experienced.
It is your decision on whether you going to let your muggers have an even greater power to damage your life further or process this violation with a professional and do the work together with your wife to get past it including setting new rules for staying safe while still enjoying life and not living in constant fear.
Well for one I’d be pissed too she completely ignored your concerns and put you in danger. But why was your wife driving and not you? That’s weird right off the bat.
You have to be balanced in your approach to her. Don’t blame her outright ( even though it’s her fault ) you have to show compassion and be able to lead . So In situations like this she will listen to you
I stopped at Miami cause…..EWWWWWW!!!!!! Obviously it’s whoever the idiot was that decided to go to Miami.
Is she in the habit of not listening to you when you have more experience with something, then making a shocked pikachu face when what you say will happens invariably happens?
There’s a TLDR at the end of this.
I think the issue here is that your wife didn’t listen to you in a crucial moment, and you feel invalidated, disregarded and it somewhat damaged the trust. Your wife didn’t trust your judgment in a moment where she really probably should have. And you’re struggling to trust her judgment now.
Now, with that all being said, this is kind of what you get when you marry someone from a different and more privileged upbringing. She sounds like she doesn’t have a lick of street smarts because she’s never had to. She’s always been protected, she’s always been safe. Knowing what you knew about Miami and growing up rough you probably should’ve been the one driving instead of her.
You are both victims in this situation, and I can only hope she will never ignore your spidey senses again. But now is not the time for the blame game, you’re only going to make things worse if you hold onto this resentment. Have one more good conversation about this, be honest about how you’re struggling to forgive her and work on ways to move forward.
TLDR: Yeah she should’ve listened to you, but I’m not surprised she didn’t and neither should you be. Have an honest chat and brainstorm how to move past this.
100% her fault. I’m a woman and this is the dumbest shit I’ve heard all week. She also doesn’t respect you
I think the bigger issue is, in the moment when you were driving and you voiced real concern for the situation and the safety of both you and her, she ignored it for her own wants.
Is this a common behaviour? Can you pin this behaviour to other events or situations in your relationship?
Everyone makes mistakes, and say this happened after she listened, respected your concerned at turned around than it would be a different story.
However, She heard your concerns and outright ignored your discomfort. That’s the issue. And that issue led to you both being victims of robbery.
I’m going to say therapy.
Therapy individualized or couples in order to work through the new trauma you’ve both endured.
But there’s a lack of trust now in this relationship. Unless it’s addressed, it’s going to destroy it
You’re blaming her. The robber is to blame.
You both might have PTSD, this was traumatic.