Quick context, I (24M) have been dating my gf (20F) for a few months now. We met slowly, always in parks around her house or around her university. I didn´t pay too much attention to me being the one always going to a place of her convenience I live 20 minutes away, often 40 if there´s traffic.
Fast forward to now, I feel I´m the one compromising on everything. I always go to her house (even if I have to pay parking). She doesn´t want to meet outside or go on walks, says she hates them even when she said the opposite while we were not dating. When I invite her to my place, she always has an excuse. “Your brother is there”, “You´ll be working for a few hours”, “I don´t like to take the bus”, “I don´t want you to come and pick me up”, “I don´t feel like it”.
We always do this ridiculous dance and end up at the same place: I have to drop everything and go to her house to do the same thing we always do, cuddle and watch series. Even if I have work and obligations, plans, job interviews, a family event, etc…. She doesn´t even care if I say I´d rather do something else. However when she says that exact same thing, its settled. She makes me feel guilty for having obligations or preferences. She has nothing to do currently, she doesn´t work and is on vacation from university.
It must be said that she suffers from anxiety and depression, going outside gives her anxiety. However, every time I´ve been with her outside, she´s been completely okay and chill, I feel she uses it as an excuse to get things her way.
Any advice?
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It’s only been a few months, and she’s already pulled a bait-and-switch on you in ways you resent. You can try telling her that she needs to work on her anxiety so the two of you can go out and do things if this is going to work, but I’d just tell her this isn’t working and move on.
You aren’t required to date her. If you aren’t happy in the relationship, break up. She’s not the person you want her to be.
Okay, so you’re recognizing your new girlfriend likely lies or exaggerates anxiety/depression symptoms to manipulate you into doing things you don’t want to do. Do you know what that means? You end the relationship today.
Seems like she’s not going to change this behaviour without you having a conversation with her about it. Tell her how it bothers you how you are always compromising and how you would really appreciate it if she met you halfway. If she can’t accept that and doesn’t want to meet you halfway, then you already have your answer; leave. I’m so annoyed with people who stay with their partners even if they’re unhappy and continue being unhappy because they think being unhappy is better than being single.
First let me say that anxiety is very real and very debilitating. It also varies, sometimes something like going outside can feel OK, sometimes it can be simply impossible. But, having said that, it’s only been a few months into the relationship and you are already encountering incompatibility. I’d cut my losses and leave.