I know how the title sounds but I want to learn and be a better partner and person (just looking for advice and the hard truth)
So this morning my partner and I were making breakfast together and she told me she had a crazy dream last night. I had asked about it while I was making breakfast and coffee and working from home.
She then told me about the dream she had and she was being very vulnerable to me. Unfortunately i felt overwhelmed by the amount of emotion and thought she was provoking that I had not payed attention to her which obviously led to her feeling sad about that. (This isn’t the first time I’ve done that and we keep getting into this cycle).
This is completely nobody’s fault but my own and I want to know how I can go about being a better listener and being okay with vulnerability. Why do her emotions feel so overwhelming to me?
I can’t tell if it’s my adhd or if I’m using that as an excuse to hide away from my feelings.
I want to be a better partner What can I do?
(P.s I can’t afford my therapist rn)
TL;DR
I’m not able to listen to my partner be vulnerable I get overwhelmed by it and shut down. I want to learn to be a better partner and person.
Comments
>and thought she was provoking that I had not payed attention to her
What does this even mean?
Are you on the autism spectrum maybe? Because being unable to handle emotions could be part of that- being unable to listen attentively could be from ADHD. I would highly recommend therapy and maybe medication, I know you can’t afford it now but there are usually low income options via insurance.
There are two ways to do it.
Affirmation. Basically you just say. “I see”. “That might be awful”, “Yes”. And similar.
Asking follow-up questions. “How often do u have those dreams?” “What type of car?(something from the dream)”
You combine those two techniques and you will become the best listener.
Also important. Don’t judge. Don’t teach. Don’t try to fix. Even if she is wrong. Just don’t do it.
At those vulnerable moments people want to just vent, that’s all.
Sounds like avoidant attachment, please get a therapist