I [25/F] have a “crush” on a [22/M] friend I met in January of last year. The feelings started around a year ago. The thing is that I am married to my partner [28/M], who I absolutely adore. We have been together for 9+ years. Lately, things haven’t been going all so smoothly, and I feel like that doesn’t help with my crush at all. My partner has been suffering from depression since around last november, and only now has he started to seek help after I continously tried to convince him that things have to change.
I’ve had crushes before, but not like this. In the past, they were always short-lived and just a peak of interest in someone over the course of 1-2 months.
These feelings I have for my friend feel so much deeper and go beyond sexual attraction. I crave romantic interactions, flirting, spending as much time with him as possible. To be honest, the last time I felt feelings so intense was when I met my partner or when I feel especially close to my partner.
I feel like these feelings are making me go absolutely insane. I constantly think about him, I wonder if he, in any way, feels the same. I even get jealous when he talks to me about his dating experiences. I wish I could tell him how I feel.
Now the thing is.. We have become really good friends, and we have told each other on multiple occasions that spending time together makes us forget stressful everyday-life and it’s just a really wholesome friendship overall.
I don’t want to lose this, but I need serious advice on how to handle these intense feelings. The urge to tell him about hit almost rips me apart on some days. I just wish I could be close to him, but I don’t plan on cheating on my partner either, lol.
TL;DR: I have an intense crush on a dear friend and need advice on how to handle these feelings without losing him.
Comments
You are already emotionally cheating, you cannot continue to have contact with this person if you truly want to lose romantic feelings.
To protect your marriage, you need to distance yourself from this friend. Would you want your husband to try to keep a crush close to him?
You are already emotionally cheating on your partner. Emotional cheating is 100% cheating.
If you would be loyal to your partner, you would have long cut this “friend” off. No one chooses to get a crush, but the way we handle our emotions, feelings and the situation is a choice and responsibility. And when you are in a relationship, your responsibility out of respect for your partner and your relationship is to bring as much distance between you and your crush as you can to ensure the feelings fade as soon as possible.
You did none of that. You did the opposite, letting the feelings burn higher and higher by seeking the company of your crush.
You are a cheater. And the fact that you are asking here for a solution that won’t make you lose your crush instead of asking how to best tell him that you need to cut him off shows that he is your priority and not your partner. Not to mention you are keeping your partner in the dark since over a year.
I sincerely hope your partner finds out about your cheating and leaves you, since he deserves a partner who loves and respects him. Because without respect, there is no love. Just your selfishness.
Give your head a wobble and have a word with yourself, your partner of nearly ten years needs support from the most important person in his life. That said crushes are normal acting on them isn’t.. Ask yourself what would you like your partner to do if the situation was reversed. Please resist the urge to tell him blissful ignorance is a real thing. Good luck
At the end of the day, it’s either this friendship or your marriage. And that’s if your husband can forgive you and find it in him to trust you again, which I’m sure you’re taking for granted by you really shouldn’t.