TL;DR So my bf of 2 years cheated on me towards the ending of our relationship and i cant leave him but he wants to leave me we are in a confusing place where we both don’t really know what to do
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a while now, and in the beginning, things were really rocky. We argued constantly over small things, and it felt like we were always at odds. Eventually, we agreed to work on our communication and to be better for each other, and for a while, things actually improved.
But then a pattern started to form he would threaten to leave me during arguments, and I would break down in tears, begging him to stay. I began guilt-tripping him without even meaning to, just out of desperation to hold onto him. And after each of those moments, he would stay. He’d reassure me that he wasn’t going anywhere, that he loved me, that he wanted to marry me all the things every woman dreams of hearing.
This cycle repeated throughout our relationship: the highs of feeling loved and chosen, followed by the crushing lows of him pulling away or making me feel like I could lose him at any moment. I became emotionally addicted to him. The way he made me feel like I was the only girl in the world was intoxicating. He’d go out of his way to do Grand gestures and make me feel special, and then just as easily, he’d distance himself again. And every time, I was left chasing the version of him who made me feel loved.
Toward the end, he admitted he cheated on me and told me he had herpes. I got tested and found out I was positive too. As painful as it was, I still wanted to be with him. I know it sounds wrong, but I couldn’t help it I stayed. He was my first boyfriend, my first everything, and I was deeply attached. But even after I stayed, he’d tell me how depressed he felt around me, how guilty he was for what he did. It was like I became a reminder of his shame. I feel like i cant leave and wont find anyone like him I’m tired of the cycle. Tired of loving somer who keeps hurting me. I want to let go I just don’t ki how.
Comments
You need to break up with him and get therapy
What the fuck, leave him.
This is a trauma bond. Its like an addiction.
I’d suggest you try and get therapy if you can afford it to work on your addiction issues and also look online to work on coping strategies. You’d be best off blocking him on everything and deleting his number.
How exactly do you see the future working out for you with him?
BOT POST.
3 year old account with zero karma and no other Reddit activity except posting this same thing.
The only way you wind up with somebody who treats you with love and respect consistently is that you break up with everybody who doesn’t – including your current boyfriend. When you choose to stay with somebody who treats you poorly, it doesn’t get better. It just shows them that there are no consequences for how they treat you, and their behaviour tends to get even worse over time.
Those times when he says all the right things – those are performances. They are little manipulation-fests to lay the ground work so that you won’t leave him later when he treats you like shit again. Grand gestures and saying all the right things once in a while is not real love – especially not when it’s paired with abuse and disrespect and cheating.
It can be really hard to break out of that cycle of abuse. You have to stay focused on your long-term goal of being with somebody who treats you right, and you have to accept that your bf is never going to be that person. It boils down to self-respect and knowing that you deserve better than this.
Sometimes if you can’t see a way out, part of the problem is that other aspects of your life are not bringing you enough joy, so you want to cling to this thing that’s at least sometimes positive. So with that in mind, try to connect with your friends more or meet some new people who you can have a good time with. Try to make an avenue for yourself to feel productive at work/school or even at home. And when you leave him, you will have even more time/energy to sink into those things.