My boyfriend and i have been having sex/intimacy issues for about a year now, and it’s been really really hard. We have sex maybe once a month, sometimes once every two months. I’ve expressed to him that i would really like to have sex more, and we have had so so many conversations about it. I used to try to have sex more often with him, but he would always reject me in some way.
For example, I could be mostly naked and on top of him just like kissing him and grinding on him. I feel him get hard and i think, omg we are gonna do it!! And then all of a sudden he will push me off of him and be like oh im hungry or oh i want a cig or oh i want to watch this show. I feel so rejected at this point that im too scared to even try to have sex with him. But he still expects me to keep trying despite the lack of confidence i feel in initiating sex with him, and i do try still but a lot less often.
When we have talked about it he says he has a lot of shame/guilt around sex because he feels like there is a lot of pressure to perform well. I’ve tried to reassure him that im not judging him on his performance, i just want to have intimacy. I’ve tried to say that if hes worried about how he will perform that he could use my vibrator, finger me, eat me out tie me up or whatever else that doesn’t have to involve him putting his dick in me. It also wasn’t like this at the beginning of our relationship, he was always happy and excited to have sex with me. I don’t know when or why things changed.
I’m just getting so frustrated and sad. It’s also stupid but it’s really affecting the way i feel. I don’t feel sexy and i feel like there is something wrong with me. I just want us to have a good, fun sex life but i feel like nothing is working. Have any of you had issues like this in your relationship and were you able to mend the issue? Any advice/experience in this topic is appreciated.
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I would sit down with him and explain this is really affecting the relationship. I’d point out that he wasn’t like this before, and ask him to be honest about what caused the change? If it’s this new insecurity around performance, ask where that came from all of the sudden