My BF (23M) and I (25F) have been together for almost 5 years. Our relationship is amazing and we have built alot of trust with eachother over the years. We both had TikTok and made our likes public for one another. I deleted TikTok since the intial ban and have not used it since. He still uses it frequently.
We established in the beginning of the relationship to not like opposite sex provacitive videos/images. Yesterday he was showing me something in his bookmarks on TikTok and I saw some videos of attractive women. They weren’t nude or anything but its a woman thats conventially attractive. Again, they are not doing anything and are posing for the video. Just face and upper torso.
I was immediately upset and wanted to see his bookmarks. Which he would not let me and said I would just get mad. He was justifying he would send it to his friend for giggles. But, I caught him lying because a video of a woman of posing was nothing funny. I tried to download TikTok to look at his bookmarks and he tried to sign into his phone while hugging me. Literally trying to sign into his phone behind my back. He stopped when i told him to stop. He stopped being weird when he saw I couldn’t see the bookmarks from my view. He first tried to make an excuse of that we both watch porn so it somehow relates. I said its different because its not porn its women who are attractive that you are saving.
He apologized and mentioned he never intended to hurt me. And he loves me and he would compromise.
I feel betrayed, sad, disappointed, and my trust is broken. Mainly because we had this boundary from the beginning that we both agreed on. For example, he got upset when I said a man was muscular. Or I had a art print of a guy. So I instantly stopped the behavior. The trust part is him refusing and acting nervous when I wanted to view his bookmarks. Like a kid was caught in a lie. Qnd acting normal or apologetic when I couldn’t view it. Im disappointed because the sentiment that men are all the same that I hear from women fits this scenario.
The issue is how do i continue from here? Do I forgive and forget or break up? The behavior makes me nervous like hes hiding something else. Am I overeacting?
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I personally don’t care. He knows I’m the only one giving him physical action
You kids need to learn to stop policing each other’s thoughts.
Whole generation of people addicted to looking at other people on digital devices while promising their partners they won’t look at other people on their digital devices.
It’s really tough to feel like trust has been broken, especially when you’ve built something strong over time… so maybe start by having a calm talk about what this means for both of you and what boundaries you both want going forward.
I think if you genuinely have a good relationship and he hasn’t acted out on anything, and he still treats you right and meets your needs, then give him a chance. It’s true you voiced these concerns in the beginning but you should have a conversation with him about it. If he truly loves you, he will apologise and not do it again. Give him the chance I would say, but obviously if he keeps lying and doing it then you need to re consider. I don’t know your relationship as a whole, but I don’t think it’s worth throwing away a 5 year relationship over this. Take this from a woman who is a bit older than you 🙂
This is such a ridiculous issue I’m absolutely staggered that you’re 25 and not, like, 16. I would encourage both of you to go outside and touch grass and remind yourself that social media has little-to-no bearing on real life and liking someone’s video means absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things.