I 25f was in a relationship for over a year. It didn’t end because we grew apart it ended because I found out he 25m went to a strip club behind my back and brought a family member with him to help keep it a secret from me. He expected them to lie for him. And when I confronted him about it, instead of taking accountability, he lost it threatened to hurt me and even threatened my family.
So I cut him off for a week. No contact. Then, just a few days before my birthday, he reaches out saying he wants to fix things. He says he’s ready to change promises therapy, says he’ll stop drinking, says he wants to be better. And because I still loved him, I believed him. I gave him another chance.
I spent my birthday with him. The 4th of July. I went with him to a family party. We were together constantly that week, and every day he kept saying, “I love you,” “I want this to work,” “You’re the one.”
And then just a week later I find out he’s been trying to “get to know” his so-called cousin. The same day he saw her, he had also seen me. His friend and family were there too all knowing what he was doing. And the worst part? He lied to her and told her we hadn’t been together in over four months. Said I hit him. Completely rewrote history. Meanwhile, he had just been sleeping next to me the night before. Then more comes out….
He had been living a double life the entire time. Cheated on me throughout the relationship. Still seeing and obsessing over his ex. Went to strip clubs multiple times. Lied to my face, constantly. And the people around him his friends and even his family knew. Some laughed at me behind my back. Some questioned my loyalty to him… all while I was the one being lied to and betrayed. And months before all of this? I found out he gave me an STD.
How are you supposed to process that?
I feel like my entire year was fake. Like I was in love with a version of him that never existed. I’m angry. I’m hurt. I can’t trust anyone. And what hurts the most is knowing he could’ve just left me alone two weeks ago. But instead, he pulled me back in, love bombed me, lied to me, and then tried to rewrite the story to make me look like the crazy one all while I sit here with proof of everything he’s done, and still feel like I can’t say a thing.
He’s lying to everyone, himself, his friends, his family..pretending he’s some changed person and moving on to the next girl like nothing happened. Meanwhile, I’m left blindsided, confused, sleeping to avoid thinking, and rereading messages trying to understand how I could’ve ever loved someone like that..Just imagine that.
TDLR; I (25F) feel completely blindsided, heartbroken, and used. My ex (25M) begged for another chance right before my birthday, promised therapy, sobriety, and change. I gave in. A week later, I found out he was lying to another girl—telling her we hadn’t been together in months and that I abused him, while still sleeping next to me. Turns out he was living a double life the entire relationship, cheated, obsessed over his ex, went to strip clubs behind my back, gave me an STD, and had friends and family who all knew. I don’t know how to process this. I feel like I loved someone who never even existed.