My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over two years. Our relationship has been quite rocky the last couple months. Due to some of the big fights we’ve had and things that were said, I haven’t been very affectionate or intimate with my boyfriend. We both have admitted to each other that we’re not happy in our relationship, but since we have a daughter together neither of us has “jumped ship” yet. I knew my boyfriend had a drinking problem before we became an official couple. There’s been a few times he’s relapsed and kept it a secret from me. There were times I would even smell it on his breath, and he’d still lie to me but then tell the truth minutes later. He has been alcohol free for the last year, but sometimes I have my suspicions.
Last night when I came home from the gym, I had asked why he had moved the floor lamp from the living room into the kitchen. He explained that our daughter (15months) was too strong and she could easily tip it over, or it could fall on her. Our daughter has yet to even acknowledge the lamp, so I thought it was a little odd for him to just all of a sudden move the lamp. Especially when our living room doesn’t have a light fixture and we rely on lamps to light up the room. My boyfriend the randomly snapped at me. “I’m not fucking doing this with you right now”, he said with a raised voice. After that was said, we didn’t say a word to each other the rest of the night. When I explained the situation to my therapist this morning, she asked if there’s a possibility of him drinking again. I was hoping he was keeping his word and not drinking, but after how he was last night I wasn’t so sure.
In the past when he would secretly drink, my boyfriend would hide his empty cans in different rooms in our basement or in the garage. After seeing my therapist, I went home and checked the garage and the basement. I didn’t find a single can, but I did find his studio room that’s in the basement was locked. Normally the room is unlocked, so I was a little surprised to find it locked. I’m not one for invading other’s privacy, but due to my boyfriend lying about drinking before I felt like I needed to see if there was anything in there.
After using an old debit card to unlock the door, I walked in just to see his normal set up and a clean space. To the right of the doorway there’s a closet. I thought maybe he was hiding something in there.. and he sure was.. I walked into the closet to find a silicone sex doll perfectly placed on a music stand, with 2 “cleaning sticks” still inside of the doll. I know due to our issues we haven’t been physical, and I understand my boyfriend has his needs. But I can’t help but feel grossed out. I try and look at it like how it’s normal for a woman to have a vibrator, but a vibrator doesn’t have anime tits and ass on it.. Now I can’t look at my boyfriend the same way. I feel icky, and I don’t know how to continue on as if I didn’t find his “sex buddy”. I don’t feel great about invading my boyfriend’s privacy, as this is definitely a fuck around and found out situation.
My question is – How do I move on after finding my boyfriend’s sex doll?
TL;DR – I found my boyfriend’s sex doll while looking for potential evidence of him drinking again. Now I’m unsure where to go from here.
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You already said you’re not happy, the relationship is rocky, you’re barely intimate, and you’re only sticking around because of your daughter. The sex doll is just the gross cherry on top.
You don’t move on from the doll, you use it as one more reason to move on from him. You deserve real love, real intimacy, real peace. Not secret booze, lies, and anime tiddy silicone. You already found out. Now decide what kind of life you actually want
Why is it completely normal and healthy for women to have sex toys, vibrators, dildos ect but if a man does it it’s wrong?
The sex doll puts out without nagging. Duh…
Bruhhh I don’t know how I expected this story to go but this def took many turns. I’d say talk to him but it doesn’t sound like y’all’s communication is going too well rn. I feel like if I was in your shoes, I would bring up the fact that y’all haven’t been intimate & hope that he comes out with the truth. Considering he’s been truthful about things before, I’d hope he’d come out & say it this time. This convo would allow y’all to talk about why y’all haven’t been intimate recently or what needs to change for y’all to do better in your relationship. I’d also suggest going to couples therapy because a non bias third party might help.
Next time he leaves the house, dress some of your clothes on the doll and sit it on the couch with you to watch some tv. When he finally comes home and walks in, play it completely natural like nothings wrong 🤣
Don’t feel bad. My wife told me one time she found her ex-boyfriend’s penis pump lol
You don’t like each other. Why is his masturbatory aid relevant? Don’t say it’s because of the kid, because teaching your daughter a loveless life is acceptable is a hell of a lot worse than banging a sex doll
At least he’s fucking a doll and not another woman
Dude bought a sex toy when other people could’ve gone out and cheated and you’re still disgusted with him lol especially given that most women these days have a treasure trove of dildos and vibrators 😂 we really can’t win
I second one of the other commenters – I would leave him. You deserve to be happy. You can be good parents to her without being partners to each other. He can be a shitty ex-boyfriend but a good dad. You can still find peace and happiness, on your own or with someone else, and give your daughter a happy, stable life. You are only 25 years old and have so much greatness ahead of you. ❤️
and
What issue do you have with the sex doll? Is it cause it has breasts? Is it cause you find it weird? Does it make you jealous?
Like I genuinely want to know. All the other issues aside I just wanna know why there is an issue with the sextoy at all. Like if I found my girlfriends dildo and broke up with her over it, ya’ll would call me insecure.
You have so many reasons to leave already. The sex doll is enough on its own, imo. You are still young. Don’t waste valuable years on someone who is this much hassle and work. A relationship should give you something out of it. Not another chore.
Mmm, I think the issue with the sex toy is hypocritical but ultimately irrelevant. There’s clearly very little/shaky trust in this relationship to begin with. Separating before the child is old enough to remember a time before is probably the smartest move. It’ll most likely be harder if you wait longer.
To be clear, I totally understand why you would do the things you did and I’m not judging you. You know he lies, you know he’s had an issue before you and will likely have one long after. For the sake of your mental health and safety of you and your child it might be time to let this one go. You deserve a partner you don’t have to force the truth out of, or check around your home for traces of relapse. That’s not normal.
The sex doll isn’t relevant. Break up, move on. Is this the kind of family you want your child to grow up in?
Sorry that the relationship is so sour. You both need to sit down and have a talk on what each other wants in the relationship to still make it wirth it. Judgement free, at least if you want a real chance.
As for the sex doll.. easy to make fun of but it would be the last thing to complain about. It’s shitty, awkward, disgusting but he’s not f’ing someone else.
In my opinion the doll is not a problem. You and your bfs dissatisfaction in the relationship is a problem. If it were me I’d pretend I didn’t see his personal stuff just to avoid that conflict and do everything I can to make it work, starting with couples therapy. Then if you end up leaving the relationship you can know that you did everything you could to maintain the family unit but it just wasn’t meant to be.
You’re focusing on the wrong thing here.
The issue is you two can’t be bothered to leave. Staying together because there is a kid is ridiculous. Having kids doesn’t fix anything. A common mistake.
It’s evident you don’t trust him. Snooping because you suspect he’s relapsed and being horrified by what you did find is on you. The more you hunt for evidence the more you will find.
Him knowing that he’s going to be interrogated every time something is out of place is building resentment.
Pack it in. Let him have time to work on himself. Meanwhile you work on yourself. You might find after a couple of months that you don’t want to go back. So be it.