I (25F) have an issue of overly obsessing over my boyfriend’s (30M) social media actions.

TL;DR; : I obsessively check on my boyfriend’s social media account secretly, from who he followed, what he liked, to what the people he followed post about. I want to stop, but I don’t know how.

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We have been going out on and off about 3 years now. My boyfriend doesn’t post on any of his social media, they are all private accounts, but for some reason, almost everyday the first thing I do when I wake up is to go see if he followed someone new, or someone else followed him. I would also do this when he is out in a new environment, going out to a new activity, etc, I would then obsessively check who he followed so I know who are in those new groups. If the personal accounts he followed are public, I would also use a viewer to see all their stories.

I would get really upset that a girl mentioned him in a post (in reality the post also mentioned a big group of other people), really upset if a girl followed him/he followed, really upset if I click into their public posts or stories, the girl is really attractive. I would make up scenarios in my head, thinking that my boyfriend would look at these stories, and think about them sexually. (Even though in those said stories, the girl wasn’t even wearing anything exposing or anything like that, it could just be a very normal lifestyle picture)

I never told him about this, or that I am upset about him following other people. Because deep down I know, this isn’t right. The problem is on me, this is absolutely unhealthy, and I am exaggerating things, making things up, and so on. In reality, I would also meet new groups, have boys follow me, and occasionally comment about other people. I know for a fact I don’t like these people sexually or in a romantic way, I can think that for myself. Why can’t I do the same with my boyfriend?

I am in no way justifying my behavior, I think it sucked and it only made me feel worse. Literally nothing good ever comes out of this obsessive behavior except destroying trust, creating negativity, and falsifying reality. I hate it and I want to stop, but I simply can’t. Every time I tried, but whenever he mentions he is going to a new place or going to meet up with some friends, I couldn’t bear not knowing it all and would go and check.

It’s giving me immense stress and I don’t want to do this anymore. Does anyone have similar experience and got out of the cycle?

Thank you.