I’m aware that I’m probably coming off as a huge asshole when I post this. But my boyfriend of 5 years has gained almost 100 pounds since we’ve been together. When we first got together, he was pretty active, would eat pretty healthy foods and reasonably sized portions, and we would do lots of outdoor activities together, which I enjoyed. But throughout the past 5 years of our relationship, his habits have changed so much. He has stopped being so active, begun eating A LOT of fast food, and doesn’t really want to do much besides go out to eat for every meal and lay around on the couch all day, watching movies or playing video games.
I know relationship weight gain can be very normal. I too had gained about 40 lbs too once we were about 2 years into our relationship. However, I quickly realized I was very unhappy and less healthy at that weight, so I worked hard to correct my diet and activity levels, and ended up losing about 60 lbs. since then I’ve maintained my weight and healthy lifestyle. When I was on my weight loss journey, I tried to motivate him to lose weight as well since he’d expressed being unhappy with his body, but he never ended up sticking with it for more than like a week.
The problem that I’ve been facing for a while is that I do not feel physically attracted to my bf anymore. I feel horrible saying that, and for judging him about his weight. But the weight has not only changed his body, but the way his face looks as well, the way he dresses, acts, and things he enjoys. It’s been years of him being heavy, and he always says he wants to change but never does anything to lose weight. I’ve gently suggested him to speak to his doctor about this, go to a nutritionist, a personal trainer, or even start therapy. I think he may have a bit of depression going on, but he was not depressed before the weight gain, so I think losing weight could really help him. I just don’t know how to help him if he doesn’t seem to have the motivation to change himself 🙁 in the past I’ve even given him tips that I used to lose weight, whenever he mentions it. But he gets very offended when I do this so I’ve stopped.
He is a good boyfriend otherwise, he’s very sweet, funny, and I know he loves me a lot. Our relationship is healthy for the most part. But it is really hard to wanna continue the relationship when I don’t feel attraction to him physically anymore. The amount of weight he’s gained has really made him look like a different person. It has affected our sex life as well. I really just long for the man he used to be. The type of lifestyles we both have are so different now as well, I get very frustrated with him staying inside and doing nothing all the time. I understand everyone has lazy days of course but it’s all day every day. I need help. I don’t know what to do next, I feel like I’ve exhausted all options trying to help him, and I’m scared this may just be who he is now. I feel horrible ending the relationship over this, but I just am not happy at all right now. I know it will break his heart as well. I need advice, what is the best way of handling this? Do I end things?
TLDR: Boyfriend (26M) has gained a significant amount of weight since being with me (25F). I can’t seem to do anything to help him despite my best efforts. I don’t feel attracted to him because of the weight gain and his difference in habits/lifestyle. I’m not sure how to handle this and what to do. I love him but feel very unhappy and unsatisfied in the relationship.