Hi, throwaway because my boyfriend knows my main. I (25F) was using my boyfriend’s (27M) computer to pirate a movie (I know, big criminal over here lol) and it was taking very long to download so I decided to open and brows Reddit while I was waiting. BIG MISTAKE. It opened on his alt porn account. I thought about closing it right away when someting caught my eye: about a dozen unopened dms. I opened his dms and what I found shook me. There were hundreds of conversations, spanning over at least the last 2 years, in which he is sexting with random dudes, pretending to be a 19 year old girl. These conversations are very explicit and involve descriptions of sexual acts, hypothetical senarios and many pictures (you get the gist).
I’m at a loss and don’t know what to do next. I don’t have a problem with the content of the messages themselves, I’m not here to kinkshame. But knowing that my boyfriend of 7 years has been texting these people almost everyday for at least two years behind my back makes me feel cheated and conflicted. I’m very unconfrontational and don’t know how to approach him with this. At the same time I probably shouldn’t have been snooping. Any ideas or solutions are welcome. What would you do in this situation?
TLDR; Found out my boyfriend of 7 years had an alt Reddit account he uses to sext random men pretending to be an 19 yo girl (and has been doing so for at least 2 years)
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You should call your parents and ask them to come get you from wherever you are for the last time.
Someone stable doesn’t do that.
This is cheating
Do what you want with that information
This guys a creep , asking random men to send , yk what .
He has been cheating on you the past 2 years. Does not matter that he is pretending to be a female and sexting with men – sexting (for most people) is cheating. Also, it’s not like you were spying on his phone or trying to spy on him in another way. You were using his laptop to watch a movie, and scrolling Reddit while you waited for it to load. You had no idea that he had, or you would see, an alt porn account.
Forget whether you are to blame. Do you want to stay with a man like this, who may find ways to do this into the future if you stay together? Do you want this to potentially be your forever? If not, you need to breakup with him, and if he tries to blame you for “spying”, let him know that even if you did spy, what he did was much worse, and you cannot move beyond it. Even if he promises to change, let him know that YOU can’t move beyond it. It is no longer about him – it is about you and your needs.
He’s not meeting them and never can. He’s probably yanking their, um, chains.
This is cheating. Doesn’t matter what gender they are, it’s cheating.
I would leave. Plain and simple. If it was an innocent kink, why not tell you about it or let you in on it? If you need closure, once you are gone, send him a screenshot of his alt account from your own Reddit. You don’t have to say how you found out about it.
That sounds like a really heavy discovery, and it’s completely understandable that you feel conflicted. At the core, this isn’t just about the kink—it’s about the secrecy and the fact that he’s been carrying on a whole hidden life behind your back for years. You didn’t “snoop” so much as stumble onto something that raises serious trust issues, and that matters in a relationship. If I were in your shoes, I’d sit him down calmly, explain what you found, and focus the conversation on the betrayal of trust rather than the specific fetish. From there, you’ll need to decide if rebuilding trust is possible for you, or if this is a dealbreaker.