Hi everyone, I (25f) am Greek Orthodox and my partner (25m) is Jewish (Reform). We’ve been dating for almost 3 years and have thought about marriage and kids, but he has said a dealbreaker for him is that he would need to raise his kids Jewish. I don’t know what that would look like for me because I was raised in the Orthodox church and still believe in its teachings, although I am not devout/serious about it. My concern is that I would lose part of myself with this arrangement because Greek Orthodoxy is so intertwined with my experience of Greek culture that I would feel disconnected from my heritage without it. We’re at a breaking point where we need to come up with a plan for how religion will factor into our potential future marriage and kids’ lives. Any insights from people in interfaith relationships with children practicing one of the parents’ beliefs? Specifically, I don’t have any kids, so anything about raising a child that religion might affect that I should consider before moving forward would be so helpful. I’ve also tried posting in r/religion. Thank you so much.
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You would have to convert for your children to be Jewish.
Are you even willing to do that, it’s a lot of work?
The difference between Greek Orthodox and Jewish is too large. You cannot make this work.
Oh fucking hell, here goes religion getting in the way again.
Just break up. if you’re both going to be so obsessed with YOUR version of your magic sky man that its going to cause actual problems after being together FOR THREE FREAKING YEARS then just date in your own religious circles.
EDIT to add: And you should let your kid come to their own fucking conclusions rather than fucking brainwashing them either way 😒
I know at least a few orthodox/Catholic and Jewish couples. Each has found their own way to compromise and move forward happily. One celebrates and expose their kids to both religions. One was convert or we are done. And one didn’t really expose kids to either.
There is no right answer. Other than finding a way to compromise through communication.
Judaism is part of his culture and ethnicity in the same way Greek Orthodox is for you. I don’t think it’s fair to expect either of you to give that part of yourselves up.
My thoughts on this. You don’t bring your child up in either religion. Both keep your own beliefs and show your child your different cultures etc. If the child wants to be religious let them decide themselves.
That’s a compromise.
Religion is something that can break up marriages. You guys need to come to a compromise or unfortunately the relationship will not work out.
He seems very adamant that you guys must raise your kids as Jewish, and if this is something you aren’t okay with, then you guys aren’t compatible. You need to take a stance on your religious values before entering into a relationship to avoid things like this from happening.
My parents are of the same religion, and my mom was very clear about marrying someone in the same religion as her. She simply wouldn’t have it any other way, and she knew what she wanted going into a relationship.
I’m sorry OP, I hope you can figure things out, but it doesn’t seem like things are going to work out for the two of you. If he’s willing to work in some of your faith alongside his, then there might be a way to compromise, but if he is unwilling, you need to ask yourself if you want to stay in a relationship with him.
Unfortunately, I believe you should be the same religion (and political affiliation) as your partner. I think religion is tied so closely to your culture and values it’s hard to build a life outside of it. Especially if you want kids.
I was raised Mormon, and I knew that my kids would go to church with me while I was active. I’m an atheist now, and I’d raise my kids as such. Until my kids wanted to explore other options.
As for advice, I would talk to people who have successfully done this. Is there a pastor/priest/rabbi you could talk to?
I’m not sure how helpful that is. But talking to a therapist and/or religious leaders to find a path through is the only thing I can think of.
is this a situation where he would expect you to convert? from what i understand, judaism is matrilineal but idk if that means he would want/need you to convert for the kids to be raised the way he wants.
i went to grad school with an extremely christian girl who was dating a muslim boy. she dated him for years, they planned for marriage, etc. turns out both of them had secretly been expecting that the other would eventually convert for them. they broke up over it because neither wanted to leave their own religion. you two may unfortunately be incompatible in this regard.
even if he doesn’t want or expect you to convert, would you be willing to celebrate jewish holidays with them? go to temple? do any of their religious observations? wouldn’t it be weird for the kids for mom to never be involved in any of the religious activities they take part in? you see how big a part your religion plays in your relationship to your culture. wouldn’t it be the same for your jewish kids?
People of differing religions can easily coexist – for as long as those religions have no real influence on their lives. When people decide they must actually take it seriously, the whole game changes. This usually manifests in terms of being with someone of the same faith or an insistence on raising kids in one’s chosen religion, often both together.
Even if a couple on their own terms try to make things work, there’s often community and family and culture to muddy the waters, and to press their own influence into the picture. We see many examples of people leaving home, often for work or study, and in isolation from their background, forming relationships with people from very different backgrounds. All good so far, until the day comes when they venture back home and suddenly the life they left behind looms large again with all the weight that brings to bear. There are few things quite so effective as that weight in bringing people back to the straight and narrow path of expectation.
As I understand it, the mother must be Jewish for the children to be considered Jewish. So, if you aren’t willing to convert, then his “dealbreaker” has become an ultimatum for you to convert to his religion. That’s your answer there – if you aren’t willing, then you just aren’t willing.
In any other circumstance, since you both consider religious practice part of your culture, I would advise that you teach your children both religious traditions to give them the grounding in religion and the cultural experiences necessary for them to decide for themselves when they reach confirmation age.