I need hope right now. I’m going through an incredible heartbreak right now. I can’t eat or sleep. It’s only been 3 days. I know it’ll take a long time but I can’t even fathom that I’ll be feeling like this for so much longer.
Please someone tell me when you truly thought you found the one, they were so perfect for you, everyone loved them, you had all the same opinions and views and plans for the future. You couldn’t fathom life without them and were so so so heartbroken. You believed through it all you would eventually find your way back to each other. You fully believed that you would still end up with them one day.
But then tell me that you ended up actually finding the love of your life and the real ‘one’ after them. Not the person you wanted back, not the heartbreak one. But how you felt you would never get anyone else as good as them and then did. I need hope that I will find love again one day and that I will look back one day and think how silly I was for thinking I couldn’t find anyone else
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Ofc. College bf dumped me, thought he was the total best. In the interim many many years, we have found people better for us than he and I were for each other. I would advise against the scarcity mindset of “never get anyone else as good as them,” though. My college bf was my perfect back in the day, but I have changed massively since them and my idea of good is different. And so it will be for you. Hang in there, and so sorry.
I was in a relationship with a man who I’d met shortly after a breakup from a longterm, truly horrible relationship.
At first he was everything I needed to stay away from the last one. Once the honeymoon phase was over I found myself doing way more than he ever did for me, but he was treating me better than the last guy so I stayed thinking it was enough for me. Eventually he started abandoning me, making his problems my problem, ignoring me when I expressed feelings on behaviors I didn’t like and eventually blamed me for his cheating on me.
I know right. Did I mention he gave me BV? That’s how I found out he cheated. Then she messaged me confirming it all.
I felt more dead inside than I’d ever felt before. As far as love was concerned, I became entirely hopeless. I cried every day for a long time after this, feeling as stupid as anyone could feel. I then spent a long time alone, about a year or so.
During this time I had been friends with a guy I’d known only as a friend. I never saw him as more than that. In fact he was entirely not my type. He was too nice.
Anyways, after hanging out a couple times, the day came when he kissed me. It was so out of the blue and shocking that I quite literally ran away. The next day I saw him and he was as kind as ever, even apologetic. I admired this and requested a redo. I found him alone later on and we made out like two people who’d been kissing each other for years. Suffice it to say, the man I’d never imagined myself with became my salvation. He brought a kind of love and peace into my life that is so good and so pure (and so hot!) that I can’t believe I settled for anything less before him. We’ve been together for 5 years now and he treats me like I’m the only woman alive. I have everything I’ve ever dreamed of in a partner and I would have never pursued it had I stayed with either one of the last shit bags.
Never lose hope. You don’t know what is meant for you until it’s literally taking you by the hand and refusing to let go despite your fears. True love will never hurt you, never discard you and will always prove its devotion to you even after it has you entirely. It’s out there, I promise.
Sorry you’re feeling so low, I think a lot of us have been there! I think the idea of the “one” is a problem here. There’s not one best person in the world for you.
When we find a good match and fall in love, we build the relationship together, we learn and grow from it. In a way, it also builds us. Through sharing a life with someone, you gain experiences, insights, memories. These all slowly help you grow and understand yourself and the world more.
When a relationship ends, after the grief, you’ll be left with all experiences and lessons. You get to carry them with you for the rest of your life. If you let them, they’ll make you a fuller person and help make your next relationship even happier than this one was.
The best way (in my experience) is to wait a while before dating again, and get to know who you are now after the relationship. Reflect on what worked and what didn’t, on what you want more or less of in the next one.
You can and will find the next person to love and grow with, maybe they’ll last the rest of your life, maybe not. Either way it’ll be worth it