I have been with my boyfriend for 3.5 years now, we have been living together for 2.5. We both come from the same city and live abroad. I moved here all by myself at 16, he moved here 2.5 years ago after we had been together for a year.
I love him and he is my safe space, however I feel like he is simply not the one for me.
I moved here at such a young age to pursue my education. Graduated uni, got my master’s degree, working in my field with a solid paying job. He only has his high school diploma and currently is working at a job I technically found for him.
I feel like our values are deeply misaligned. I am an extrovert, I enjoy spending time with friends, talking to my family. He is the complete opposite. All he does all day is smoke weed and play on his PC.
Him and my sister are not on the best of terms due to a stupid fight they have, which caused even bigger fights between me and her as I was constantly defending him. Context, my sister is very intelligent, and her biggest pet peeve is ignorant comments, my boyfriend more often than not makes said comments just to annoy people.
He does not call his parents at all, I talk to my parents every day. It has reached the point where his mom is reaching out to me and my mom to get him to just give them a call.
He has definitely changed his habits since moving out of his parents house, he helps out around the house when I ask, but at this point I think that is not something I should be thankful for, but that it should be a given.
I feel like I’m carrying all the social and emotional burden of this relationship.
I have tried talking to him several times. Daily when we come home from work I ask him kindly to please put down his phone so that we can talk a bit about our day, but he never does. Then I make lunch while he showers, we eat, he either goes to take a nap or play games on his PC.
My mom does not think he is the best I can do. And I am starting to agree with her.
I feel like I spent so much time fending for myself and building a life for myself, that I now need a partner that will ease that burden for me. I know I can do it by myself, I don’t want to.
We are supposed to go on vacation together this week, and I want to try and have this raw discussion for him before making a final decision. But I’m starting to think it’s a bit too late.
This is not the first time I have felt distant from him, and we have broken up 2 times so far (both times it was due to him making a rushed decision that was resolved in a 2 minute conversation, then he would beg for me back, so I’d come back). And the relationship would be smooth sailing for a bit, then back to basics.
Have you been through something similar? Has he changed? I’m tired of giving myself false hopes, and potentially wasting both of our time.
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Give yourself the chance to enjoy your life, he doesn’t have to be the worst person for you to leave, and you don’t have to stay just because it’s not terrible.
People grow differently and you have outgrown him. Its time to move on and explore new beginnings with someone more inline with your life. He will survive.
It sounds to me like you love him but are realizing his flaws and how he may be taking advantage of you not in a obvious way but just slowly. You will never know because love can blind you, you can believe everything is fine but the then once you fall out of love with them you will realise the struggle you’ve been put through. Take with a grain of salt just someone online so I don’t know the full story …
Have you told him how you feel and asked him how he feels?
What a long winded way of saying you’re better than he is. You don’t love this guy.
I think it’s best that you have a very deep and thorough conversation with him about your wants, needs and the consequences of all of this and to paint it in an encouraging light. Contrary to what everyone else is saying here, he’s allowed to have his own personality and interests seperate to yours and you are both able to still get along with eachother despite the differences. Every relationship sometimes calls for compromise, things can’t always be perfect but try and talk to him and get through to him. A relationship should be made for a commitment life long, not something so easily disposable. We have this image in the modern world that we have many options, it’s not true. Give him the chance to grow and change to be better. Good luck!
You’ve outgrown him. Happens all the time where we outgrow each other. Move on without judgement or hate. You two are on different paths.
People don’t change. And their habits are worse at 55. He’s lackadaisical now. Breaking up with him might be the best motivator for him to clean up his act. He’ll never know if you continue the handholding.
Honestly, it sounds like your parents have left you babysitting your teenage little brother. No wonder the passion has died.
I think it’s been going on too long for him to change; he would have if he’d wanted to.
Spread your wings and fly!
As a person who loved and lived with someone who valued comfort more than growth and had to be pushed to evolve at ALL, I promise there’s a happier life just on your own and of course then there are better partners.
That is a manchild without clear vision of what he wants to achieve in life and without any goals. Unless you have some sort of talent (like coding) with a school diploma you cannot achieve much in life. He could pursue a college degree and make something out of him, but instead he plays video games and smokes weed.
Leave him, do not waste your youthful years and enjoy your life until your gut feeling tells you, you have found the one.