Okay so basically to say this as straight as possible I’ve been with somebody for quite a while now, his brother has a wife and they’re all quite close which is lovely. Around a few weeks ago I noticed behaviour towards his brothers wife which was borderline flirty but I assumed it was all me and I never ever said anything because I thought I was being horrible by even thinking that behaviour was going on between them both I beat myself up about it, and I knew it would just be their friendship so I let that go completely.
About a month ago I was at an event where the whole family was there including the brother and his wife and everything was going lovely, I was sat between the the person I’m with and his brothers wife and they’re chatting back and forth. The person I am with then proceeds to tell her that she left bruises on his shoulder, then turned to me baring in mind I was right next to him and said “When my brother is away for work, me and her (his BROTHERS WIFE.) have play fights, and its a thing they do.”
I did really well at not reacting really badly so I bit my tongue and got on with it. Now I’m thinking to myself number one in my personal opinion playfights for me are a form of flirtation and intimacy, especially towards opposite sex being a straight man. Number two why only when the brother is away for work because if it was something they shouldn’t have to hide they would do it infront of him?
(Since that I did say to him about a couple of weeks after that I only see play fighting as a form of affection and bonding and he agreed with me.)
Yesterday I was at an event with everybody and it felt like I was getting ignored, when something were to happen he would look at her and react before looking at me and I could see those weird looks being shared between eachother yet again on borderline flirtation how they would be talking and I keep thinking to myself how I’m thinking is something wrong with me because he was more interested in her reaction than mine, I tried to engage in the conversation but sometimes I’d be involved other times it was like I wasn’t even there, it just seemed like everything she would do he reacted more than me, it makes me really not want to talk to him but I know when my gut is telling me something, there’s only so much I could take I just think it’s completely wrong and I don’t know what to do at all. If you knew the looks or seen them you’d know what I meant It’s all very baffling and I’m lost in what to do,and I’ve tried to think myself out of this but when it’s happening right infront of you it’s hard to think any different, i don’t know what to do.
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>“When my brother is away for work, me and her (his BROTHERS WIFE.) have play fights, and its a thing they do.”
Yeah this is super inappropriate for people in their late 20s. Definitely seems like something fishy is going on.
>I only see play fighting as a form of affection and bonding and he agreed with me.
And then what? Did he agree to not do it or was this like “yeah” and nothing happened. Did you set a boundary?
Discuss with your partner about your concerns and set some boundaries.
Wouldn’t you rather know for sure instead of all this wondering and worrying, even if it’s likely to end your relationship? You need to confront him, and ask him directly if he is having an affair with her.
yup, you’re correct. all of this is textbook signs. you can form a plan to try & catch them..? or ask him straight out, he’ll definitely lie. form your escape plan now. slowly pack & move your things etc.
this is exactly what you think it is. do you want to know the gritty details? just bounce. for yourself. get away before you have to see his brother deal with this too, sooo messy.
You’re sitting on a powder keg about to explode. What exactly do you think is going to happen when the brother finds out about all of this. If I were you, I’d leave with dignity and grace before the kaboom. Definitely inappropriate. Definitely a bomb waiting to explode
Yeah, they’re cheating. Leave him. You should never have to feel left out by your partner because he’s paying more attention to another woman.
Play fighting between adults who aren’t related isn’t normal and is reason alone to question him. That level of physicality can be very sexually charged. They might not have done anything, but they really want to.
Do you want to be with a guy who wants someone else?
I do nor know exactly what is going on between those two. It does sound inappropriate. And it also sounds like things will escalate between the two of them. If they hasn’t already.
Would they do this in front of the brother? Does the brother know what they are doing together?
Before doing anything else (like asking your BF about it) I would prepare for the worst and start planning an exit. Get those ducks in a row.
Honestly, I’d just leave and tell his brother ” I’d check what they’re up to while youre away if I were you. “
Emotional affair for sure, soon it will be physical if it’s not now yet. I would be more drastic, meet both couples and open the can there, it’s something that the brother should know for sure.
Yeah he’s pumping her
It definitely sounds like there is something going on…..and to be honest, the fact that it’s gotten to the point you’re sensing this means your relationship is over.
He’s either cheating or so disrespectful of you’r relationship that he thinks the way he acts with her is ok.
For your own sake, just leave him now, and don’t spend the next few months trying to find information to “prove” the cheating.
End it. Start over
Thankyou everyone for your advice and opinions on this situation it’s really helpful for me seeing different sides as people know when you really care/love somebody it’s hard to see what’s going on or you might try and make excuses for seeing that kind of behaviour but I know my gut instincts and I’m glad I can feel validated on this before I make my decision ☺️