Hi all! I (25M) am so fucking mad/confused/irritated right now. We (25M and 25F)are in a relationship(of 6yrs) but, there are 1000s of issues. We can’t live for a week without a fight. But, we also can’t live many days without talking. I guess it’s fucking soon toxic!
She is kind, sweet and has good values. However , my upbringing is different from herself because we are from different states, different culture and different communities.
I feel she doesn’t get me (half of the times). I want spark in our relationship which is missing. I want to crave for her, but I don’t. I fucking don’t know what to do. We have tried talking.
I am like into physical fitness, I like to run, do exercise. But, she is not! We do not share same hobbies. She loves to travel a lot. I like to, but I don’t love upto that extend. For her, I started investing myself more in traveling (with her of course). Because she used to complain about it that I don’t travel with her.
I want my partner to help each other grow, for me fitness is primary because I have been witnessing lot of health issues in my as well as my extended family, since childhood. I want us to wake up early , exercise together, cook together, play outdoor games, go for run and have good physique!
At this point, I am full of short comings that I need to improve. I am not emotionally available to her as much as I should. If she tells me something, I do listen, figure out solution. But, we both feel I lack empathy and sympathy. And I can’t help it, it’s in my upbringing. Every time something happened to me, I never went soft on my self. And that is how I advice people to not give up, to continue the hard work, to be resilient! How do I help myself, I’m not good at empathizing people?? I lack sensitivity. I’m careless as well and nor good with planning.
Also, we had never had sex in these years. I have gone down on her(almost always) when we make out, but she rarely. Because she don’t like it and i respect that. But, then, why not sex?? Whenever I talked about it she says she wants it and i don’t do it. She says she’s up for it. But, she’s the one when talk about purchasing protection, she stops me. When in bed, I get to bring the protection, she stops me. I am not behind her body, but, she is my girlfriend and I do have a need. Before, I used to thing that I’m a bad person for wanting sex from my gf and doubted myself whether I am with her for sex or for love! But, I have now accepted the fa t that they coexist! I can’t lie myself anymore and i want it. What do I do?
I always have to jerk off myself during makeout.
Im the one who likes spark, spiciness, heat and passion. I want to feel it for her! But, I’m unable to. I feel our energies don’t match at all. I like to dance, romance and grow together (challenging each other to learn some skill or to follow certain good habits) .
Also, after all the work at office, I want some me time, but, she wants to talk on the call with me(we are in semi-long distance (we meet 3-4 times a month) . I talk to her like for around 30 minutes daily at night (besides the calls and texts during the day). However, she wants to talk for hours even when we don’t have anything to talk about! She always wants me to say something, I say I’ve already told everything that happened in the day, yet she is like say something else then. Wtf! We don’t have any fucking thing(meaningful ) because we have already been talking during the day and we have talked for another half namaste hour now!
I want me time in the night. I want to see movie, watch podcasts or maybe sit and spend time with my flatmates. She says ‘if you want to watch movie/podcasts, it’s better to talk to her only’ .
I get so frustrated so frustrated that I don’t have the words, because then she pick ups fight on this that I don’t want to talk to her! And it heats up my head, imagine sleeping in anger and disappointment at the end of the day. The shocking part is that even she is working women.
I am a peace loving, I want good happy sleep.
I feel like smashing my head on the walls! So frustrated every day. I am sooo soon irritated!
Please help me, I don’t know what to do!
She has been there with me in my highs and lows! She is a good person, but, I feel I can’t I just can’t. I don’t want to be a quitter, I don’t want to be bad person! I’m crying g, I don’t know what to do!
TL;DR : I (25M) and my gf (25F) have been in relationship for 6 years. But, now, I feel I am losing it. I am confused, I don’t know ow what to do. We fight a lot. We don’t have common things. I want a strong partner who help each other grow. Both us feel I lack sensitivity…empathy and sympathy! Also, we never had sex. Never felt she wants it. I always jerkoff myself during makeouts. I want to crave for her, want sex, but, I am not a bad person. I not with her only for sex! I dont want to be a quitter! Please help!
Comments
You’re not with her only for sex, yes, but sex is part of most adult relationships. If it is not then that should be by agreement of both parties. If you want sex and she does not then you’re not compatible.
Source: I was in your gf’s position many years ago. Realised I never wanted to have sex with my then bf. He was religious so for the first few years it wasn’t an issue but then he became not religious and wanted to have sex. I didn’t. So I broke up with him when I realised that as it really wasn’t fair to him.
You need a different girlfriend; she needs a different boyfriend.
You want different things. You fight. You don’t share a vision of the future. Let go.
You have zero reasons to stay together. It’s time to move on.
Hey man, tbh it sounds like both ya just stopped groovin’ together. Not line crossing to want intimacy or yr emotional needs met. 6 yrs is a long haul, but you’re not a quitter for wanting happiness and growth. Maybe it’s not about being good or bad, just about being real and deciding what’s best for you. Stay strong and take care, bro. ✌️💔💪