I’m (25M) in a relationship with my girlfriend (23F) for 11 months and I feel like I can’t communicate any of my needs anymore. She’s extremely attached and dependent on me, and I’m honestly drained. In the beginning of the relationship, I used to express my need for space, and she would sometimes take it badly, but I still tried. Now, I don’t even have the courage anymore.
Even if we’ve been on a 2-hour call and there’s nothing left to talk about, I still can’t ask to hang up because I’m scared. If I try, she gets mad, emotional, or anxious, and I end up spending another 2-3 hours just trying to help her calm down. And if I don’t calm her, things escalate to the point where she gets anxious to an extreme, and I end up being the one apologizing. I’m tired. I don’t even have the energy to stand my ground anymore, so I just give in.
The way this relationship works feels like it’s completely dictated by her — her mood, her emotions. I feel suffocated most of the time. She often gets irritated or angry at things happening around her and ends up taking it out on me. One time she was rude, and I kept quiet, trying to not react. When I brought it up gently the next day and told her it hurt me, she got defensive and angry at me.
She also asks for space sometimes, but if I give her space, she accuses me of not caring. If I don’t give her space, she acts like I’m overwhelming her. So now when she asks me to leave, I just stay — because in the past, if I really left, she’d explode. Even if I have work or something important, I stay. She’ll say I should go, but I know that if I do, she’ll be mad and call me insensitive or selfish. Later, when I tell her that staying back affected my work, she casually says it was my choice, she did ask me to leave and I shouldn’t blame her.
Recently I reached my breaking point and told her I was not happy with her. She begged me to stay, saying she would change everything. Then she had a full-blown anxiety attack, and now I’m in the hospital with her, sitting here and wondering: should I just stay?
I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m disappearing in this relationship, and even when I try to leave, it turns into a crisis that pulls me right back in.
TL;DR:
My girlfriend is extremely emotionally dependent, and I’m too scared to express my own needs or set boundaries. Any attempt leads to guilt, emotional outbursts, or anxiety episodes. I feel trapped, drained, and unsure if this relationship is helping either of us anymore.
Comments
I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this. Your girlfriend sounds incredibly emotionally immature/unavailable, and it’s wearing you very thin. As hard as it is you need to prioritise your mental health and get out while you’re still somewhat yourself. This will completely destroy your self esteem, self worth and mental health if you let it. A relationship should not have you feeling unhappy all the time, and like you’re walking on eggshells and can’t express your feelings. Even if your partner doesn’t agree with them, they should allow you to express your emotions, try to understand them and offer to help/aid you with them if they can.
I can’t stress this enough… SHE NEEDS THERAPY!! And you need to leave. She will totally destroy you. Ive been there. He threatened to ooff himself. So I stayed. My knee hurt from a prior injury and I wanted to go home to ice it, take meds and rest. He cried and screamed and chased me down the road. You HAVE to put yourself first