I (25M) fell in love for the first time ever, but after four months, she (21F) suddenly feels unable to love and wants to end things

Hello everyone! I hope you’re doing excellent. After being only an occasional reader using an incognito tab, I am making this account and posting here for the first time because this time I am desperate and have no idea what to do with this situation.

Some context I consider useful: We are from South America. I had my first date ever in march of last year, which I didn’t know we were having dates until she confessed she wanted something more (I did’t like her that way), after that for the first time I felt brave enough to ask out the woman I’ve had a crush on almost all of 2023 (she ghosted me after the first date), I had two dates with randoms I met on dating apps, and lastly in July 2024 I met through another friend the woman who would become my first time having sex and also my first heartbreak (all in 6 weeks, she wasn’t ready for a relationship). For the girl in my situation there was only her ex, which lasted 3 years and ended in 2024, he was very cold and distant with her and she’s the opposite.

So four and a half months ago I met this girl through a friend of hers who said we’d be a perfect match and even described us as each other’s husband and wife, she wasn’t present in that event at the time so we only followed each other on Instagram, and I messaged her a few days after. Everything flowed great from the very beginning, even the first messages, we were both very hyped and quite delulu. We talked a lot, forming chains of messages and spending a good amount of time replying on each turn (something that went on until recently), after talking for three weeks we had out first date. She was the most gorgeous girl I’ve ever seen, hilarious, talkative, interesting, same way of loving, same views on love and relationships, same political views, similar tastes in music, also a lot of things in common from our pasts. We had a picnic and everything was perfect, the mutual attraction was obvious, so we got a bit flirty, very awkwardly we started getting closer and closer until we kissed for the first time, the chemistry was insane, the first time in my life that I felt something while kissing someone. The date was perfect, it lasted for about 8 hours, with a super romantic walk under the rain, honestly felt unreal, like a movie. Fast forward a week and we’re on our third date, where we talked about being exclusive and moving in a serious way, I also gave her some paper flowers I made and a bag filled with candy she likes. After dating for a month we’ve had ten dates, all perfect, every date better than the last, she even invited me to participate weekly in one of her uni classes after work so we could spend more time together at least once a week.

I am a very passionate person, and this is my first time ever falling in love. I believe in giving everything I can, I give myself in and surrender my heart and soul because I love with intensity, I just can’t help it, which I think I’ve demonstrated it to her already. In these four months we hadn’t had sex, which we honestly believe to be a good thing, none of us were in a hurry. On our third date we talked about taking this seriously and preferring to move slowly, we agreed and touched the subject again three months into the “relationship”. We arrived at the same conclusions, we were not casually dating and were serious about each other. I’ve even made her some DIY gifts. We talked about wanting to meet each other’s friends and parents, I went with her to one of her friend’s birthday party, we’even planned on spending the start of spring together (September 21). I was planning a special date in early august to declare my love and officially ask her to be my girlfriend

Fast forward to literally two weeks ago, while saying goodbye she told me for the first time “Te quiero mucho” which sort of translates to “I love you a lot” (“to love” in Spanish has two meanings; querer and amar, to summarize: amar is more intense than querer). “She loves me!?” I felt in heaven and said it back. So far everything was going perfectly, almost movie like except for the last two weeks that I’ve been feeling disconnected from her but only when we text (kinda due to my anxious side), and was waiting to meet in person to talk about it. I still thought everything was alright, until yesterday (Monday). During the weekend we talked as we usually did, we flirted and “lovebombed” each other with cute compliments, but on Monday everything changed. That day she had to give a final exam and we had planned to hangout to celebrate the result or to be sad about it together, and also we had a talk about the sex we wanted to address. On Sunday night she cancelled saying she felt sad about it because she knew she’d do poorly, I understood and said it was okay and to let me know if she needs anything. Monday morning she says she did great. We barely talked on Monday, she was distant, dry, and didn’t say much. I had a bad feeling so I asked if everything was okay because I felt things were weird, she said she also felt things were weird and didn’t feel like talking, that we should talk on Wednesday (tomorrow). My gut spoke to me, “this is it” I thought, “she wants to break up”, “she said she loved me and now wants to end things”, anxiety ate me up today, I could physically feel it. So I gathered all my strength and after texting for a bit I told her how I felt, I asked her to confirm if we were permanently saying our goodbyes tomorrow… And she confirmed it. What I spent the whole day crying about and trying to convince myself was just a silly fear came true.

Everything is in shambles now, everything I feel, everything I’ve felt, everything I’ve done for her. I’ve never felt such sorrow.

She told me she’s been feeling like this this last week and a half or so, about two weeks we couldn’t see each other. She says this also hurts her, that she loves me and really wants to fall in love again but she can’t because she feels blocked and unable to do so. This aligns with what she told me around the three month mark, that she was afraid of someone loving her again and then stopping and being indifferent to her (like her ex), she was scared of the love someone might feel for her fading away.

I completely understand that feeling, I’ve also been afraid of that, but my love for her burns with passion , and my intensity won’t let me back down. I feel this is insane, that she’s only scared and possibly confused. She made me love her in just a week, any man would be out of his mind to stop loving her. And I don’t find it in me to give this up, although I can accept that this might be the end because sadly that’s a part of loving someone. But I don’t know what’s normal or acceptable, I’m a big believer of love and I don’t believe a love like this sould be thrown away. I don’t know if I should fight and try to show her that she’s worthy of all the love in the world or just let it be. Maybe she’s just scared? I can’t come to terms with my feelings, losing the first real, genuine, and kind love I’ve ever met seems unacceptable, but I understand that love is also letting go.

TL;DR:

I’ve been dating this amazing girl for four months, with incredible chemistry and compatibility, we’ve had perfect dates and I fell deeply in love with her. A few weeks ago, she told me she loved me, but recently, things have felt off. After we both canceled plans and I noticed her being distant, anxiety was killing me so I had to confirm if she was ending things, and she confirmed it. She says that although she loves me, she’s been feeling blocked and unable to fall in love again, which she’s kinda mentioned before as a fear. Though I understand that, my love for her is intense, and I’m unsure if I should fight for her or let her go. Is she just scared, or is this the end? Do I give her the space she needs or try and fight for us?

Thanks everyone for taking the time to read this!! I would appreciate any input, advice, or similar experiences you’ve lived