TLDR; I found messages on instagram between my girlfriend and her ex. We’ve been dating for 5 years and I need advice on how to approach the situation.
I (25M) Found messages between my girlfriend (26F) and her ex from about a week earlier. I also found out they followed each other on instagram a couple months ago. We’ve been dating for about 5 years and I think they broke up 6 months to a year before we started dating. She’s also been posting songs to her instagram story about being heartbroken after a breakup which I believe are about him)
I’m not sure how to feel about the messages. She obviously hasn’t said anything about him messaging her. I need some advice on what you guys think about these messages. They started at about 3am and went until 9am when they just randomly stop.
(Him) JUN 24 AT 2:58 AM
Hey ******
(Him) JUN 24 AT 3:59 AM
Please
(Her) JUN 24 AT 5:12 AM
What’s wrong?
(Him) JUN 24 AT 6:43 AM
Nothing
I’m sorry
I miss you..
(Her) Hmm
(Him) Sorry
Are you seeing someone?
(Her) l am, and last I heard you were too & living in *****
(Him) I am
Where do you live?
(Her) Even if I wasn’t seeing someone those two thing ur end seem like pretty big things lol.
I live in ****** (he hearted the message)
(Him) What two things?
(Her) That ur seeing someone and that you living in ******
(Him) Both are tentative lol
(Her) Lol?
(Him) Yes both are true
(Her) I know I asked ***** about you a couple of months ago
(Him) Aww
Well ***** doesn’t know my current situation
(Her) Okay
(Him) Ugh
You’re seeing someone??
(Her) I am
(Him) Ok
I’ll leave you alone
I’m sorry
(Her) If I wasn’t, was your plan to break up with your girlfriend and move back down to ****** so we could start up again? Cuz I can’t really picture that happening on your end
(Him) Not really….
Can I ask you a hypothetical question?
(Her) Sure
(Him) If I asked you to hangout would you?
(Her) Idk maybe
If you asked me if I’d ever go ice fishing again. The answer would be no
(Him) Okay well that’s such bullshit lol
I’ll ask you in 155 days.
(Her) Lol, & if I ever told you I did like it I was lying
(Him) You just didn’t know how fun it was
(Her) That’s it lol
(Him) Is that ok?
(Her) what’s okay?
(Him) Idk
Can we go regular fishing?
(Her) yeah maybe
(Him) Do you miss me at all?
(Her) When we broke up you disappeared and I didn’t heard from you until right now. The main thing I remember is you breaking my heart to be honest
(Him) I really am sorry
The main thing i remember is missing you
You’re the one that got away
I’m sorry for saying that lol
(Her) were you drunk when you first messaged me or were you just up?
(Him) Just up
Is that better or worse?
I miss your ass so much
Are you drunk or just awake?
(Her) Just up for the day lol
(Him) Up where?
(Her) I’m at home. I just got back from ****** and I don’t go back to work until Thursday (he hearted the message)
(Him) *******??
(Her) Yes lol it was great
(Him) JUNE 24 AT 9:55 AM
That’s amazing
I’ve seen some stories
Comments
Inappropriate. I’d never ask an ex that type of ‘hypothetical.”
The most concerning part is where she asked if his intent was to break up with his girlfriend and move back to the city. If he said yes, 100% she would be interested. The hell, He said no and she is still interested. That’s a huge disrespect towards you. You two have to talk.
She’s in a plausible deniability situation. The real question is, why she’s not asking herself how this convo would make you feel?
Pretty inappropriate, I wouldn’t entertain an ex while in a relationship either, which it seems like she’s doing
So to me it looks like he is the one being weird, maybe pining. To me her answer – are you gonna move back etc sounds sarcastic, like why after all this time do you care who I see etc and that’s the first thing you ask. It would be mental for anyone to jump the gun like that lol.
I agree she could’ve cut him out more abruptly, but if she is not a particularly direct or confrontational person it’s genuinely hard to do, especially when there is some past hurt, trauma, etc
Also, info, how and why do you have these messages? Are you suspecting anything else? My advice is to just talk to her, tell her you saw the messages and don’t know what to feel, hear her out and then see how to proceed.
That would be done. Done, dead, go back to your ex, I don’t want anyone who does anything shady like this.
From a girl perspective, I would say having ur ex that ghosted you come back and say he misses you is a bit of an ego boost and she probably has no intention of actually pursuing it.
How often do you check her phone and stuff like that? How did u end up seeing these? (no judgement because I check phones lol).
Anyway, you have given 5 years to this person and I’m sure you do not want to waste anymore time if it’s not genuine. I would address it now by saying exactly what you noticed and ask her if that is something she wants to go back to. I would keep an open mind on her response and be gentle but be stern that you are not comfortable with her keeping in contact with her ex because I am sure she would have ur head if u interacted with yours. She will get defensive because she got caught so expect that but try to keep in mind how u would feel/respond. Better to address it now before it goes too far. Hope this helps.