I 25M have been married for 3 years. No relationship issues, other than the fact that my wife does not fill the friendship void since we simply do not share any interests whatsoever and we cannot have super long/theoretical conversations either.
I met a new friend in my grad school who just moved here and has openly told me he has no friends. Me and this guy do a pretty decent amount of stuff together like get food, workout, study, etc. However, all of these things are spontaneously organized either right before or right after our class.
Whenever I invite him to do something outside of that time frame, he always has an excuse. I honestly would get offended at first because he literally complains that he has no one and that he’s bored/lonely here in USA as an international student. I then realized that this guy is not my pet that can just hang out with me whenever I want and I tried to use that as a way to get over it. However, I still can’t get over this guy. I honestly think about him all day and constantly check my phone after texting him anything. The funniest part is that if any other dude did this to me I would not give a shit and I would still be friends with them and not care. But for some reason, I think about cutting this guy off for making excuses and not accepting my invitations.
I have tons of other friends and I hang out with them pretty frequently but I still wish I’m hanging out with my new friend even while hanging out with them.
When I think about cutting this guy off, I feel like I can’t do it. I also can’t even fathom that we might not have classes next semester and that I won’t see him as frequently. It literally makes me sad just thinking about it. I have not felt this way about anyone before (other than maybe my wife in the early days). I honestly don’t know how to process these feeling and I really need help.
Before anyone comments about my marriage, this issue (so far) has not affected it. Please focus on the topic and do not comment on my marriage.
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I think you already know what’s happening; you said you felt like this about your wife in the beginning, right? You have a crush. Maybe you’re bi, or maybe he’s the exception to your straightness. That doesn’t really matter.
Having a crush is normal, and it happens to most people at some point, regardless of relationship status. It doesn’t have to turn into anything, and you don’t have to let it hurt your marriage. You know your wife, and you know whether or not she would want to know about this. If the two of you have agreed to monogamy, it’s important that you take some steps to distance yourself so the crush can fade, rather than intensifying.
You learned something new about yourself, is all. It doesn’t have to be a big deal, unless you follow it up by making the wrong choices.
Hard to discuss this without discussing the marriage since there’s obviously a lot tied up between the two. But, as you wish.
You feel for somebody, it’s normal, get your mind working on something else.
The reality is that most people only like “the beginning of things” after they get it, your interest falls.
Marriage on the other hand is something serious, don’t play with it, believe me.
You sound exactly like someone who has a crush on someone else. You may consider it platonic but you crave deeper communication, quality time and consideration from him. Your wife doesn’t know it’s a crush. I think perhaps you’re not necessarily physically attracted to him but he fulfills an emotional need or makes you feel seen which can be addictive. Men often consider physical attraction to be the number 1 indicator of liking someone else. She thinks it’s a bromance and doesn’t feel threatened. The fact that you don’t want to talk about your marriage means you don’t like the idea of the two mixing. That’s weird. You should want him to be part of your whole life if he is a friend, yet you seem to want him all to yourself.