Firstly, I want to be absolutely clear that I know what I did was wrong, and I have no excuse for doing it. I have felt uncomfortable for a long time and when the opportunity came up I just for it without thinking
The messages I found aren’t outright cheating, but I saw a flirty message where he was talking about hitting on someone else and he said ‘maybe a should send her a dick pic, that worked on you ;)’ and she said something like lol fair enough. There were lots more messages which were flirty and referring to them having been in a sexual context. But she previously denied that anything ever happened between them, and then later admitted they might have kised at a party once when really drunk, but she can’t remember it. So I’m pretty sure she lied, and that is massively eating me up. and I think those messages clearly weren’t like, okay to say in a relationship I would never send something like that
Again, to repeat, the most important violation here is that I violated her privacy by looking through her phone. That was horrible and not what she deserves – on the whole we have a great relationship. But even if that’s how I found out, I now know, and I don’t know if I can just forget about it. I don’t whether I should bring it up, or just acknowledge I did something wrong, be grateful that she didn’t cheat on me, and maybe go back to therapy to try to figure out my insecurities.
What do you think reddit, do I say something or not?
Comments
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Do you want to date someone that sends flirty texts behind your back, or not?
Tis all that matters dude, no further discussion is needed
99% of the time in this sub the people find the person cheating by looking through their phone. This is more likely to happen by a man because we don’t have our “hey girly” version, some men have no problem dating a cheater and don’t care for the other man’s feelings. So, I don’t think anybody is gonna think what you did is wrong.
That being said, she cheated, break up.
My brother in Christ, what the hell are you talking about? She already lied to you actively, so why are you even contemplating this? She said that they didn’t do anything sexually. Obviously you just saw proof that they did stuff sexually. So why would you even think anything else than to just confront her? You shouldn’t feel bad about going to her phone. She lied to you. So you found proof point blank period if she had been innocent, then 100%. You would be an a**, but you’re not because she isn’t she? Lied to you She continued, and now you’re asking, well, she may have lied. No, she did lie. You saw the proof quit being a f** moron. Either sit in the c* chair or f***, burn the s***, jesus christ
I am kinda curious about the “that worked on you :)” part. She says they never had anything but he potentionally sent her a dic pick and it in some way worked? It might help if you share few other messages that seemed flirty.
Just tell her it’s over. At this point, your privacy violation doesn’t matter. You don’t want to be with someone who lied about her past involvement with her friend and sends flirty texts to him. Move on and find the woman who will be thrilled to be with you and who will never give you a reason to doubt her commitment to the relationship.
More red flags waving than at a CCP military parade….
She’s been emotionally and physically cheating on you.
Dump her cheating arse already.
He said the dick pic worked on her and you don’t think they had sex? Come on man….
And looking through someone’s phone when they are acting sketchy isn’t some egregious act that you should be tarred and feathered for. Is it great? No. But most cheaters are caught way. Exhibit A…You.
I honestly don’t get why people believe that looking through someone’s phone is a violation in cases like this. It’s clear that you feel guilty about doing this, OP. But your GF is having an emotional affair AT LEAST. That, to me, is a much bigger deal. How else were you going to penetrate this deception without looking at the messages?
Curious what others think.
Don’t beat yourself up. When someone feels forced to invade their partner’s privacy just to get the truth, the real problem isn’t the snooping — it’s the reason behind it. She’s cheating. That’s the issue. So don’t waste time second-guessing yourself. She’s made her choice — now it’s time for you to make yours. Let her go. She’s not for you.
Drop your worries on insecurity and feeling bad about going through her phone. Women love to hit men with the insecurity bit these days.
You looked for some reason, and that’s likely your gut intuition that lead you to, which should almost always be heeded. It’s not an overreaction, what the other commenters are saying. I’d cut this one loose, man.
You had a gut feeling, checked her phone, got confirmation. She has lied to you in the past. I think you are focusing on the wrong thing.
Take screenshots of the texts, then confront her. I’d personally be done with her.
UpdateMe
Did the dick pic convince her to have a Burrito Bowl at Taco Bell!?!? WTF do you think “it worked on you” meant?
Stop apologizing for looking through her phone. She lied. Move on
Op, you know what she is and treat her as such an FWB. Let her flirt and do whatever. Have sex with her and live your life by increasing your wealth, physical and mental health.
Use her and when you are tired of her throw her back to her other male friend. The coup de grâce could be asking her for a threesome with her and her other male friend, then dump her.
Have you asked her if she ever gets unsolicited dick picks from any of her male friends?
My guy… You don’t need an excuse after what you found out. She’s a cheater, you deserve better. Better end it now than later. Do you really want to be in constant competition with that guy for your GF’s heart and time? Couldn’t be me ngl.
It’s not wrong when you find proof. She gotta go.
To a lot of these messages on Reddit, I always think of the golden rule.
How do you think she would feel if you were sending this same shit one of your female friends?
I think you’ll have your answer.
look man i put it in the harshest way possible:
she doesn’t respect you and she will FOR SURE cheat on you. You either except it and stay or grow a pair already and dump her ass. The choice is yours. Good luck
Say something in the form of handing her her walking papers. She’ll get that message.
Ask her…