Hey, I know this might sound strange, but I’ve been with my new partner for almost six months now, and it’s honestly the healthiest and happiest relationship I’ve ever had.
But… something about it feels unfamiliar. Maybe even unsettling at times? I’ve only known toxic relationships before this, and I come from a really difficult and traumatic background. My partner, on the other hand, grew up in a stable, successful environment and I can’t help but wonder if that difference is affecting how I’m processing everything.
He recently told me he’d love me forever and is planning to make my birthday special…especially since I’ve never really celebrated it before. And while I truly appreciate it… a part of me just wants to shut down and disappear. I don’t fully understand why.
I just want to not even respond to him for a few days, I feel like I’m losing myself or I’m scared of what’ll happen when he abandons me. How do I stop this?
TL;DR:
I’m in a healthy relationship for once, but it feels unfamiliar and it makes me want to shut down and vanish
Comments
“I’m scared of what’ll happen when he abandons me.”
Probably the root of your issue, is your fear of abandonment. It’s likely your nervous system trying to prepare you for something that isn’t going to happen, usually the result of unresolved trauma, You want to run away; because you feel like something good is happening, You acknowledge the good, then it can hurt you.
I’d recommend therapy, to help you through this issue, and even communicate how you’ve been feeling with your partner as well.
Therapy, if it’s an option, to further examine the trauma that led you to getting used to bad relationships. But also look up avoidant attachment. You will have to train yourself to rewire that part of your brain, to gently ignore aspects of that and the instinct to run. They say “getting used to the discomfort.”