For clarification I’ve known I’m unhappy, but tonight made me realize HOW unhappy I am. I do everything. We both work but I do all the chores. Whenever she says she’ll help do chores it always gets put off and I’ve heard “I’ll do it tomorrow” more times than I can remember. I usually end up doing the chores like cleaning, dishes, laundry etc. we cook about the same amount.
I’ve always had a bad image of myself, I’ve been told I’m not a bad looking guy but I see myself as super ugly. But I also TRY to take care of myself. My wife doesn’t. She’s gained a lot of weight since we’ve gotten together and she doesn’t try to eat healthy at all or exercise. She says it’s because she’s to tired all the time but I am too, but I’ve learned to push through it. I’m literally always tired and in pain especially since I have to do everything around the house when I’m home.
Our sex life js relatively active but super boring honestly. She’ll let us do 2 positions regularly (missionary and doggy) and SOMETIMES she’ll be on top if I ask enough. And oral is basically out of the question I get maybe 2 minutes every couple months and she doesn’t enjoy receiving oral so I never get to give it (which i greatly enjoy giving and receiving oral)
I had to leave my last job due to cut hours and I had to take a fast food job until I can do something better (which is embarrassing at my age and not helping my self image)
Tonight I had a kinda cute girl come through probably late 20s and when I gave her her food she smiled and said “thank you handsome” with a giggle and drove off.
I was floored, I don’t know the last time I was complemented genuinely by my wife and it’s probably been years since a stranger complemented me. I rode that high for the rest of the night and will probably ride it for months honestly.
It made me realize how sick I am of doing everything for a partner who does literally nothing in return. I don’t get compliments, I rarely get a genuine thank you, and I’m always blamed for all of our problems (even when she’s 100% the cause of the problem I somehow made her do whatever she did just ask her).
I don’t want a divorce, but maybe I do. I just wish she put effort into ANYTHING. Her appearance, her career, her health, cleaning, ANYTHING. It is so hard to live with someone who expects everything but does nothing. What do I even do at this point? I’m about to go to sleep so I’ll reply to comments tomorrow.
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Interesting. Have a conversation with her. Tell her you got complimented and it made you realize you are becoming unhappy in your relationship due to all the reasons you listed here. If she is willing to put in the effort to change, then great. But if not, leave. I would say give it a couple of months and if nothing changes after your conversation with her, then leave. Life is too short to stay with someone who does not fulfill your needs/make you happy.
Yet again. How much time are you going to lose of your life being unhappy? You only have one life on this planet. Don’t die full of regret. Live wisely.
Hm… interesting. So you only realized how unsatisfactory your relationship is after someone else gave you a half assed compliment? I know it sucks having a mundane routine. Maybe you’re bored. Maybe you’re focusing on the wrong part of your life right now. Focus on getting your career back up. Trust me if you leave her because you’re unhappy – not one woman will date a grown man working in fast food, not from the get go anyways. And if you are decidedly to leaver her, make sure you’re ready to be alone for a least a full year. The longer you’re with someone the longer it takes to heal and move on. Don’t be rebounding. Don’t do her chores, let it pile until she has no other choice. If she’s doing the laundry – wash your stuff only. She’ll realize she ran out of underwear eventually. Asking over and over gets exhausting and what you’re feeling right now is prob literally 90% of married women today. To ask and be lingered on.
If you decide to leave make sure you’re financially ready. If you’re leaving because you think you can find a better mate, make sure you spend at least a year in sabbatical to make sure you cleanse your mind and emotional state.
Grass is green where you water it. When was the last time you verbally complimented her?
Couples therapy. Talk to her, tell her how you feel, go to the gym and invite her under the pretext of “doing something together as a couple.” I don’t know, friend, I think you have many options before deciding to leave, but if you’ve thought about it enough, then separate, you’re both still young, I’m sure you can rebuild your lives.
Get divorced before you have kids. A child will not fix this situation and don’t have sex with her unprotected, that would be super selfish