I (25yo F) have unknowingly been beating my boyfriend of 7 years in my sleep.

My boyfriend recently informed me that I’ve been beating the shit out of him in my sleep our entire relationship.

I only found out because we were visiting his aunt and sleeping in a smaller bed than usual. I went down for coffee in the morning, he came down shortly after and had a black eye. I asked “what the fuck is that” he casually said it was from work and not to worry about it and tried to change the subject (he works on large diesel engines and gets busted up often but hadn’t been to work in 4 days). I called bullshit, and asked what happened. That’s when he told me that I get a little violent in my sleep but it’s not a big deal, and not to worry about it.

I was shocked and felt awful that I had done that to him. He said I punch, kick, bite, shove, and scratch him while I’m asleep. He said I’ve always done it and he never told me because he said he can handle it. I’m 5 foot, boyfriend is built, just over 6 feet and my hand is the size of his palm. He said I’m just really reactive when I’m asleep.

When we first started going out he said he’d grab my arms and try to talk to me, but then I’d bite and kick and thrash so he has learned to block or dodge instead until I calm down. If he has to get up to use the bathroom he said he has to be careful not to make too much movement in the bed or I’ll go after him.

He has told me that I talk in my sleep, and that sometimes I will just wake up and take all my clothes off.

I got us a bigger bed, and put it in the corner of the room so I can sleep against the wall.
I offered to sleep in a different room of our house, he said he doesn’t want that and it doesn’t happen EVERY night. He was very calm about that whole thing and acted like it wasn’t a big deal.

I talked to my parents about it and they told me there’s a family history of it on both sides. My grandma (dads mom) would fight my grandpa while she was sleep walking, she’d cut up towels and clothes into a million pieces, throw shit etc. and was just really violent to anyone she encountered while asleep.

My grandpa (mom’s dad) would scream, yell and curse in his sleep, and he would get up and eat. My mom said she’d wake up in the morning to find the fridge open and that you could follow the trail of food to my grandpas bedroom.

I feel terrible, I started seeing a therapist, have tried weighted blankets, and putting a pillow between us. My boyfriend seems to think it’s amusing and tells me not to worry about it. I don’t think my boyfriend tells me every time it happens. I worry every night before bed and when I see marks on him I always wonder if they’re really from work.