I (26F) am a respiratory therapist, so I work 12 hour shifts. I usually work 48hrs a week. It’s draining as fuck and I’m tired. But I have to keep going because as of right now, I’m the only one in my house working and this has been the case going on a year now.
My boyfriend (37M) has been unemployed for nearly a year. He got laid off from his construction job. Since then, he’s been trying to build his social media following (so youtube, ig tiktok, twitch, etc) so he can be a game streamer. I would rather him go back into construction but he told me with it being so hot this summer he doesn’t think it’s safe, which I agree. He told me he’d start up construction again at the end of summer.
The heat has been brutal but I just wish there was something else he could do. Sometimes I feel angry waking up at 4/5am then coming home 14-16 hours later to a dirty house, boyfriend playing his game or doomscrolling, and I’ll still have to cook dinner for us.
I’ve been covering rent, utilities, groceries, gas for our car EVERYTHING for the past year. I told myself it’s temporary, bc I want to be supportive of his goals. He is starting to pull in small amounts of money from tiktok.
So fast forward to tonight: I came home after a rough shift & actually cried a big chunk of driving home. I was looking forward to us just.. existing together until I found him in the living room, gaming on our ps5, eating snacks with his ex. This was an already shit day so I just burst into tears, slammed the front door, then went straight to the bedroom and slammed that door too. He didn’t care and neither did she. I’m pretty sure they’re still gaming together and laughing as I type this.
I don’t know how I feel about this. He told me that he’s been needing supportive friends and I get that, but when we first got into our relationship he said he wasn’t comfortable with me having male friends. He’s brought up hanging out with his ex in the past and I wasn’t thrilled abt the idea but he said his ex is different in this case because she already knows him on a deep level and if he wanted to be with his ex, he’d just leave me.
I guess I’m needing advice on this situation. I don’t want to be the bitter insecure and controlling gf. Then that WILL run him straight back to his ex.
I feel like I’m overthinking it and am being toxic, immature, and possessive. When I texted him how he would feel if I was home alone with my ex all day he told me to “chill” and said it’s not even like that he just needs a good friend because he’s bored at home all day.
Idk. I just needed to vent. I guess this wouldn’t hurt as much if I wasn’t busting my ass working overtime. When I came home to them giggling over snacks and weed it REALLY hurt my feelings because we don’t do that. Even on my off days it’s him gaming away from me and he gets pretty irritated when I interrupt him.
To put extra sting on it, he used my card to doordash their snacks… 🥲🥲
He made a good point when he asked me if I’d be this bothered if his friend was a man and honestly? I wouldn’t. So I’m coming to this sub for advice on how to shake this insecurity. I don’t want to be toxic or controlling and I really feel like the stress of work is bleeding over into my personal life and affecting my mood.
Thanks for reading.
UPDATE: His ex left about 30 minutes ago. I tried to tell him that this whole thing made me uncomfortable and it ended in an argument. He said i’m embarrassing . He told me if he can trust me at work with doctors then I should be able to trust him with an old friend. He left the house and took our car. i’ll be looking into counseling soon because this behavior is unlike him.
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She’s not his friend, she’s his ex. It’s not unusual to expect your partner to be NC with his exes. If he’s bored, he has time to go earn money. You choice is to either put up with this or set some boundaries. If you do, you need to be prepared to catch him doing it behind your back.
Girl, no. You’re a decade YOUNGER and supporting his dream? No… and nobody needs the friendship of an ex. Stop lying to yourself and settling for such an extremely low bar. Yeesh
OP I don’t think this is toxic or controlling on your part at all. You feel hurt and disrespected by something that I think would make most partners feel that way, especially given the fact you are working hard to support the two of you. I certainly would feel the same in your shoes, your feelings here are more than justified. I hope you’re able to talk this out and find some ease in your mind about it all. Wish you the best.
You can do better and for your sake I hope you do.
He’s a 37 year unemployed mooch. That’s enough of a reason to dump his ass. Then he invited his ex over? Hell no! She can have him.
Seriously.. you’re being a bangmommy for your 11 years older bf at 26 for a year, and wondering a what’s wrong with this equation…?! Hmmmmm
Go bad out there and kick both out. The hell I would be paying for him to entertain another woman in my house. He is a loser and uses you.
You aren’t happy. You won’t be happy as long as you stay with this pathetic wanna be streamer loser. Please do yourself a favor and get rid of him.
I don’t even need to read this. 37 unemployed boyfriend. Move on and out.
Why do you want to keep supporting this guy? He’s a mooch and you’re better off without him
I’m good friends with an ex of mine. They are a dear close friend, and they have their own life, etc. but there are boundaries and understandings. There’s also nothing sexual between us. So, I understand entirely him having an ex that’s just a friend. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that. I DO understand we’re some of those insecurities come from because of that fact, but, his question is a good question, if that was a random guy, would you feel the same?
There are some other things to consider, is that his only friend? Does he make an attempt to make you feel comfortable about that situation, as in, being completely honest and open with you about their current relationship? Does he invite you to hangouts with them?
More importantly, there’s the part of your relationship where you’re feeling a way, exhausted, tired, and not respected in way that he’s not addressing. Like, you’re supporting him and it seems like you’re being taken advantage of. That’s the most daring and damaging thing, it sounds like. There needs to be a real and honest conversation about that!
Who cares if he runs to her if you confront him,So is better for you if she come to your home? I would yell at her to get out of my house in that moment, and if he wants to go after her, well more money for me cuz i wont be supporting a leech.
You’re not overthinking it. You’re not overreacting. You are underreacting.
Have a think about the level of contempt you’d need to feel for someone, in order for you to behave like this towards them.
From this point, watch your bf’s actions. Accord them far more weight than his words. If his words and actions don’t match, believe his actions. Thats where the truth lies.
hon, why are you carrying this person?
he can’t clean the house, or at least not mess it up, and make some kind of HelloFresh dinner?
please reevaluate.
You were 16 and he was 27?!! He’s a predator and you are now too old for him. He needs to go ASAP.
Girl you’re so young, please for the love of god don’t waste anymore time on this man
Girl. I don’t think you signed up to be a single mom. You’re doing what a mommy does but also providing sex. Wake the fvck up and dump him. He’s not just visiting with his ex, he’s banging her IN YOUR HOME.
Also, he’s robbing you of your youth! He’s taking your 20s from you and you don’t even see it.
Your middle-aged hobosexual needs to gtfo of your house.
Stop supporting shiftless men.
This guy is gross.
Kick him out for being a slob and for cheating with his ex.
You have self respect issues. Leave the mooching m, cheating older man. Take care of yourself, learn to love yourself. Then find a man that loves you for you.
So until now he participated fully in your relationship and paid his half of everything? Just for a year he has been a leech?
You are being horribly used. If he is bored he can clean the house and cook. Not have his friends over to play games, much less his ex. His ex can have his ass back. You are young and have a great career. You shouldn’t be in servitude to a man baby.
Please cut off his access to your money.
So you started dating at 16 and have been together for 10 years and he still communicates with his ex? I’ve been with my man for 10 years. I have kids with my ex and I don’t even know where that shit face lives. What does this dope bring to your relationship because it’s certainly not comfort, compassion, income, or reassurance.
Do yourself a favor and lose the l o s e r.
Ask yourself what are you getting out of the relationship? And why do you care if he runs back to his ex? it sounds to me that you’re giving a whole lot more than you’re getting in return.
Haha we don’t need more than the title here
He is a loser… dump him move on
The way u shake these insecurities is dump the asshole.
You’re joking right? You are dating a nearly 40 yr old deadbeat. And now he thinks it’s perfectly acceptable to invite his EX over to “hang out” and somehow you are blaming yourself and your “insecurities” .
How exactly would he have reacted to you and your ex chilling on the sofa watching a movie? He’d lose his shit. Grow a spine and dump his ass.
12 hour shift and He is hanging out with Her! Do you want my address so you can bring him to talk to me (Your distant Uncle?)! Girl, that is what I call a ‘Negative Asset!’ He spending your $$… He makes your account go NEGATIVE while his ASS-SETS on the couch playing games!!! Get rid of that Boy! He puts the BOY in boyfriend…. Damn! Lose his ass!
Why are you with him still? You’re sponsoring your bfs affair. Leave. You only stay friends with exes when you both agree to it. Dont try to be the “cool girlfriend”. He’s using you. Stop being naive and move on.
You can find someone that’s not unemployed or not a CONSTRUCTION WORKER somewhere else. Nothing wrong with contruction workers but girl theyre bottom of the barrel while you worked hard to get to where you are now. He probably barely graduated high school and stuck in his childhood dream of being a male influencer. Isnt that icky to you? Because to most people, that’s vomit inducing. He’s literally almost forty.
RUN!!!!!!!!!! RUN VERY FAR!!!!°°° That man has no respect for you or your work ethic. YOU DESERVE BETTER
tell him if he’s so bored during the day he can get off his ass and clean the house and cook some dinner.
i can’t believe the mental gymnastics you’re doing to try and justify any of what’s going on here. how would being single be worse than this?
You’re smart enough to be an RT, you should be smart enough to re-read what you wrote and see that you’re dating a 37 year old loser and your life is a dumpster fire.
You’re smarter and better than this. Come on.
Don’t shake your insecurity shake your boyfriend get rid of them you deserve better
And what exactly does he bring to the table?
He belongs at the curb with the rubbish.
You deserve so much more than this one sided relationship – Please demand more for yourself.
Dump this loser
He hasn’t had a job in a year.
He pays no bills.
He does no housework (he should be doing majority of it).
You can’t have male friends, but he can be friends with his ex because ‘it’s different’
He hasn’t bothered to see if you’re okay.
He, at 27 was dating a fking 16 year old, so he’s a predator.
Just throw the whole man out. You can do better. A lot better.
He’s using you and mooching off of you. Boot his ass out!!!!
Dump this cheating hobosexual and throw him out of your house.
He doesn’t contribute financially, he doesn’t help around the house, he’s using your money to hang out with his ex in your house, and he’s trying to become a gaming streamer at 37…what exactly are his redeeming qualities?
Don’t let him make you feel controlling or possessive, his behavior is completely out of line
Okay, three different Plans Of Action
1 – Call BS on his crap and draw a line in cement (not sand)!
2 – Make vacation plans with “an old friend” that just moved back into town. Give him a dose of his own medicine!
3 – Dump his Ass! No Man (I am one, by about a half inch or so) worth his salt puts his needs before those of any woman, child, elder he cares about! Dump Him! ***Too hot? Seriously? Try humpin full gear in the desert! He works construction, kinda goes with the job! In the winter it’s going to be too cold!
***Unless you live in Vegas, Phoenix, or somewhere else like that… Then I get it.
Girl. You don’t need to shake your insecurities. You need to shake the fucking hobosexual living in your house.
Dump him. Kick him out.
Cancel your cards and get new ones!!
Imagine your life without the BF. Saving money, bills paid, no ex anythings in your house when you come home, going to work smiling because you got a good night’s rest, dating guys who have a job and can pay for themselves… sounds like paradise! What’s stopping you? Oh yeah, the dead weight you’ve been carrying all this time. You know you can put that burden down anytime, right? He’s not looking out for you, why are you looking out for him? Let his ex feed him while he grows his online empire. (Here’s a clue: if everyone is an online influencer, no one is paying attention and there aren’t enough clicks/ad dollars to go around. He’s never going to make it pay. He can make you pay though).
You need a partner, not a leech. Yeet this one and keep looking. The right one is probably closer than you think.
Girl what? Huh?????? You really want this man?????
You’re an accomplished woman, a respiratory therapist, and you’re dating an unemployed bum who has been unemployed for a YEAR, who is 11 years older than you?
You got upset and he DIDN’T CARE!!! He’s an unemployed loser who’s living his best life at your expense. If he can’t work (he could, he chooses not to – it’s been a whole damn year), at the very minimum he should be cooking/cleaning. He’s also a predator – and I don’t care if you pursued him, he didn’t turn you down and that’s gross. Time to rectify a ten decade mistake and kick him out.
I literally said WHAT THE FUCK out loud!
”I don’t know how to feel about this.”
Again. WHAT THE FUCK?
Girl. Kick his 37 yo cheating hobo-sexual loser ass to the curb.
Your life will instantly improve
This man is straight up taking advantage of you, and you’re the one wondering if you’re in the wrong.
That’s the effect these leeches have on others. You second guess your own sanity because you dare to get upset at them.
Send him and his PS5 packing. The ex can take care of him.
He’s using you and screwing her while you’re at work. This guy is a great manipulator if he has you doubting yourself here. He’s an AH and I hope you dump him.
KICK. HIM. OUT.
why do you want to be with this guy?
This sounds like rage bait. If this is real, the fact it sounds like rage bait should be enough to make you sincerely question your life.