So yesterday I found an almost empty bottle of poppers in the bed by the pillow of the guy I’ve been dating for a month. I’m (F26) and he is (M34. He’s straight and I’m straight. He’s also 6 years sober from opioids. I was very alarmed.
I know poppers are big in the gay community. He has never said anything about being Bi or Bi-curious.
I also know that some people use them for a head rush which is worrisome since he did hard drugs for years. Yes I know they aren’t that bad but still a bit concerning to me.
When I asked him he said they make sex really fun so I asked him why am I just now seeing them in the bed when I’ve never seen them before…
He said he knew I was coming but decided he didn’t want to use them once we’re actually getting intimate. He said he’s never used them with me.
I feel like he is either hooking up with someone else, is bi-sexual or he is using them to feel something instead of getting high.
Should I be concerned that he may be bi-sexual or sleeping with other people? Should I be worried about this leading to further drug use?
TL;DR: I (26F) found poppers in the bed of the guy (34M) that I have been dating for a month. He is straight and so am I. He is a recovering addict and said it’s nothing to worry about but it is making me questioning his sexuality and sobriety. Am I overthinking it?
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It’s so new, I think this is enough of a red flag to walk away. You have very little investment at this point, and honestly none of the options are good.
I know plenty of straight couples that use them together, and I know people use them alone while asturbating. Do you have any other reason to believe he may be cheating?
I dont have any advice on whether to be cautious because of other drug history, though.
No, this is a hard no for me.
Sorry I’m not really answering your question, but what are poppers?
There’s a lot going on here, but I think you’re focusing on some speculative elements (the gay/bi/other partner stuff) because it’s a lot easier to focus on those mysteries than just distilling this to one plain and simple truth:
Your recovering addict boyfriend is still using recreational drugs.
It’s just been a month. The free trial period has expired. Why are you signing up for the monthly subscription to this mess? Bail hard.
They take a while to get empty, like at least a month or so. it’s not unreasonable that he was jacking off with them (it feels amazing ngl) I think it checks out tbh
Serious? After a month? Have you had a conversation about exclusivity?
Could it have been there from a few weeks ago before you were dating?
It’s definitely weird.
Poppers don’t magically appear. They weren’t for decoration. He either forgot to hide them or didn’t care if you saw. Either way, that tells you something.
His explanation? He had them there but “decided not to use them” with you? That doesn’t even make sense. If they were for your sex life, you’d have known about them before they ended up half-empty next to your head.
So yeah, you should be asking questions, about honesty, about sobriety, and yes, about whether you’re the only person he’s getting “fun” with.
And if the vibe in your gut is screaming something’s off, listen. A month in is not the time to be managing red flags. It’s the time to walk away from them.
Him being bi is only a problem if you don’t like the idea of being with a bi person.
I would be more concerned with the potential using when he’s had an addiction problem.
It is a new enough relationship that if it is something that feels icky, you should be able to leave him with less hurt.