Using a throw away because partner knows my main.
We’ve been dating for two years now. My partner and I just moved to a new place and the stress has definitely affected our relationship. We’ve been arguing over small stuff and last Friday he mentioned maybe spliting up. We decided to see a couples therapist first. While all of this is going on, he’s been spending more time playing games to relax. Well, on Saturday I noticed he’s in a new group chat on discord. I asked him about it and he tells me it’s “just his friends.” Which was a weird response for him, usually I ask anything he’ll go into full detail without me asking (example: asked about a server he was in a vc in, he processed to list everyone in it and tell me how he’s known most of them for years)
I ended up asking a few more questions because of this and finally drag an answer out of him. It’s two random women he met in a game and he’s apparently been friends with them for a few months now. The chat was made Friday night. He’s never mentioned them before, never played a game with them while im home till today. I had no clue they existed till that moment. They only speak Spanish with each other, so im not sure what the conversations actually are. It’s only him and these two women in the chat.
I tried explaining that it made me pretty uncomfortable. That given the conversation the day before, when the chat was made, and how it felt like he wanted to hide it, it all just didn’t sit well.
His argument is that 1: He doesn’t even know them that well (but well enough to make a private gc) 2: That he doesn’t have to tell me everything he does. Which he doesn’t, but I don’t think it’s odd to tell your partner when you make new friends. I sure as hell tell him when I do, because I see it as normalcommunication. 3: He’s not cheating on me so it shouldn’t be an issue. I tried explaining that I wasn’t accusing him of cheating, but that the whole thing felt backhand and that I just wasn’t comfortable.
He told me I’m being insecure and overly jealous.
How do i talk to him about this without being seen as controlling or insecure? I haven’t asked him to stop speaking with them, I’ve just told him in not comfortable with what’s going on.
TLDR: Bf and I have been fighting, he mentions spliting up. We don’t. Find out next day that he has hidden his friendship with two women, made a gc with them, and told me he didn’t have to tell me about it. He insisted that I’m insecure for being uncomfortable with it.
Comments
Regardless of the situation with these two other women as soon as you start arguing over small stuff and mentioning splitting up it’s only a matter of time. The question is how much more time do you want to waste before that happens. Look back on the relationship with brutal honesty and ask yourself if this is really something worth fighting for. You might well find it isn’t.