So the background is that I am a 3rd year medical student and she works two jobs. Her first job is one she doesn’t want to do long term, she’s just doing it until her freelance work picks up more. Her freelancing pays well and she has been getting more and more clients, but not enough to leave the other job. She is looking for full time jobs in that field for more consistent work, but the market is tough now. She thinks it could take years to get a job in the field she wants to do. For me, my hours suck at school and it makes it hard for us to spend time together. I also won’t be making any money for the next two and then will have a pretty poor salary with even worse hours as a resident… on top of 500k debt. I 100 percent know she’s the girl I am going to marry and we both want to live together.
I live in a single apartment and my landlord is okay with her moving in. The only problem is that she doesn’t feel like she has enough money right now to move out of her parents house. Months ago, she asked if she could pay less rent than I do. Like we would split it 80 20 and until her freelancing picked up and she could pay more. I turned it down immediately at first, and was kinda annoyed at the suggestion. She has a decent amount of savings and I’m hemorrhaging money constantly so it feels wrong that I will be paying more with government loans that have relatively high interest.
Now, my hours in third year have picked up, and I just want to be around her more. Even if she helps with some of the rent, I will technically be saving money on loans… But it just feels wrong and sounds like a bad idea. I’m worried about how it’s going to progress to the 50 50 in an organized way with the fact that she has no idea when she will be making more money. Any advice?
TLDR:
Nervous about letting my girlfriend move in and pay a small amount of rent due to my medical school loans and the fact that she cannot put a timeline on how long it will take for her to be making more money.
Edit : The 80 20 was just a random example not something she suggested !!! Sorry we didn’t talk actual numbers but it’s not 50 50.
Comments
I think it’s wise that you didn’t offer to subsidize her life. If she has the money but doesn’t want to spend it on moving in with you….let her make that decision for herself.
She is choosing to live rent free for now. That’s not a situation she should expect to exist anywhere else. If it becomes an issue in the relationship, let it. Those are her real priorties.
80/20 is nothing.
She’s living rent free already and has a lot of money saved up.
Her offer of paying 20% while you still carry the bulk of it WHILE HAVING MORE MONEY THAN YOU is not a good sign from someone who is supposed to be your partner.
Edit: dude, your edit… If it’s not ACTUALLY 80/20 then don’t tell us it’s 80/20 because you’re only going to get responses in regards to that split.
>Like we would split it 80 20 and until her freelancing picked up and she could pay more.
We can’t possibly know from your original post that you made this number up.
Trust your gut!!!! There’s no need for her move in if she has things going for herself, especially since you tried to compromise and make a deal. She didn’t like it? That’s okay, if you guys are meant to be it will work out in the long run!
A few questions. How much money does she make? How much is rent? And how much is “decent” amount of savings? What amount does she want to have to feel comfortable to move out? If she feels like she doesn’t have enough money right now then that’s fair. You’re in debt for school but she probably doesn’t want to also go into debt if she moves in with you and then now has a rent payment she’s struggling to pay, which is why she asked if she can pay less than you. Now idk if 80/20 split is fair which is why I asked how much rent is and what her income is. But I can understand her being annoyed about you wanting her to move in with you so you can save money/not take out as many loans, but then she will be saving less money because she’ll have to start paying rent and she doesn’t know when she’ll be able to get a job with a good income.
Dear 3rd year student. Student loans are a bummer and we try to get rid of them as soon as we can. Since you say she is the girl for you, this is a test of communication. Esp when in the end she will be there when you have to pay off the loans. So she should have skin in the game. How about an engagement to let her know officially she’s the one? Or even – and that is a wild one – once engaged, move into her parents place (just kidding). Long story short: this is not so much about sharing of rent, it is about you bringing her into the bigger picture of your future. I’m married to a doctor and after decades I can say these “challenges” continue. What is the best position? How much overtime can the marriage handle? How much stress? If you go into private practice, what support can she provide. As a spouse of a doctor there is seldom a normal life rather there are trade offs – bring her into your future world and things will show themselves and the rent question will solve itslef too
If you are planning to get married, it might be a good time to talk about money more deeply. You will likely one day make way more money than her and I could see this coming up again. You need to get aligned on your values around money and whether you will ever feel comfortable supporting someone else.
It’s normal to feel nervous with an uneven rent split given your finances. Try setting clear check-ins to revisit the split as her income changes. Open communication and a flexible plan can help you both feel more secure
It sounds like you’re both grinding pretty hard right now in fluctuating situations so maybe it’s just not the right time to make the move to cohabitation?
If you’re motivated primarily by the financial break you would get by having a roommate, maybe you just need to find a roommate.
Can I ask what the freelance is? Does she really ever intend on the money being 50 50?