It’s my one year anniversary with my gf, and we wanted to make a post on instagram to celebrate it, the usual stuff. She passed me her phone to look at her favorited photos to select the ones I like most. As I keep scrolling down, I see a video of her lying in bed with another man, obviously after having sex, caressing his hair, just like she does to me. This all happened at her sisters birthday party. I immediatly started seeing red.
I just gave her phone back, told her to check her photos next time, stood up and headed towards the exit. She told me it was years ago, which to be fair it was, but seeing that made me furious, especially since it was in her favorites. She claims she had no idea it was there, which I find hard to believe since she is very organized with her photos and checks them constantly. I couldn’t even look at her, not because I was mad at her, I understand and accept she has a past, we all do, but seeing it was on another level of soul-crushing and I just couldn’t get the video out of my head. She begged me to stay but I couldn’t do it, so I just left.
I’m unsure as to how I should proceed. Even as I type this the visual image of her with another man is debilitating. I really need some advice here, how can I get over this? Will I ever get over it?
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Don’t get bent out of shape over this, it was before you. She may have added it to her favorites a very long time ago. It’s no big deal. Be an adult.
Don’t get bent out of shape over the past. People forget all the time.
You are not wrong for the way you feel. But you need to recognize that its not something to destroy your relationship over.
I believe that when you are in a relationship you should be removing any intimate pictures of past partners, maybe yall should talk about that.
It was before you were together and she chose to be with you for the last year. Don’t forget that she chose for the last year of her life, to be with YOU.
She knew what she was doing
I want to add that I understand, as a concept, that the past is the past and that she actively chooses to be with me, it’s just incredibly hard for me to stop thinking about it now that i’ve seen it. I didn’t shout at her, accused her of anything, I just told her that I was deeply hurt by what I saw and that I needed space. I’m just looking for ways to get over it. I do love her, and I believe she does too, so I don’t want to throw it all away.
You don’t own her. You’re reacting like you own a pet and it peed on your carpet. It happened before you, be a man and let it go. You will poison your relationship if you stay angry about something that has nothing to do with you. Recognize your insecurity for what it is and choose love.
The only way you’re likely to get over this and other future events is to look into therapy for anger. Why do you feel such a sense of disrespect, insecurity and rage over something that shouldn’t invoke those feelings? Minor shock to your ego and heart, sure no one wants to experience what you did but to remain furious is a serious problem.
If you’ve been cheated on before or grew up where women were treated as things then you probably should pursue that with a therapist. I reacted exactly the same and destroyed my relationship when I was around your age. It took a long time to understand why I got jealous so easily and how to let it all go. There’s a bit of self help you can do but therapy works with the right therapist.
Were you a virgin when you met her? No? Then WTF?
Bud the past is the past, cant blame you for being upset and seeing red. This anger will pass in the a few days. You need to understand people have history and it can simply be deleted or wished away.
Why was it still on her phone – thats her choice.
Ask yourself is this girl good to you ?
Does she treat you think respect ?
Do you love her ?
Will you marry her ?
I’m very organized and often sift through pictures to delete if necessary, but only to a certain point. Because I would have already done it months or the year before. It’s totally believable to me that she would have favourited that picture long ago and forgotten it was there.
I mean I can understand being shook by the image but don’t end the relationship or punish her for having a life before you.
You should probably call her and apologize for overreacting and just ask her if she could go through her picture history and make sure there aren’t any other photos that would make you uncomfortable.
To be honest, if you refuse to apologize I’d say you’re the red flag in this situation. Because that level of insecurity doesn’t look sexy on anyone. So apologize and take the time needed to get past this. If she’s worth it, she’ll understand and erase the picture with no issue.
If she doesn’t…then you’ll need to
Find out why.
you understand and accept that she has a past, so understand and accept it. this is a good opportunity to demonstrate your confidence and maturity by not letting it make you see red. if she were on here describing this scenario from her point of view everyone would be saying you are insecure and controlling. i get you might be upset but take a breath and regulate that and let yourselves get back to having a good time. remember you dont own anything about this person. good luck!
It happened years ago and she’s held onto it for years… 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Ruining a relationship just because of a picture of your GF and her EX. An EX, a picture that was taken way before you were together.
You’re not wrong for feeling that way but the way you handled it and overreacted to it is immature. Why didn’t you just sit down and talk calmly? Why not just calmly ask why it was kept there or why it wasn’t deleted?
Sometimes you need to grow up and act as a grown up. If you can’t then you shouldn’t be in a relationship cause almost everyone has a past relationship and taken pictures with them and possibly forget about deleting them when they broke up.
Tbh, she probably did forget, even if she is organized. Google can sometimes recommend old photos that you’ve long forgotten.
The past should stay in the past. Having a meltdown over something from the past on her phone doesn’t exactly make you look like a wonderful partner. Your girlfriend has a past. It has shaped her into the person she is today. Your girlfriend, no matter how organized, might have just overlooked the video or selected it as a favorite by mistake. Now, if it were recent and therefore showed she was cheating on you, you’d have every reason to be upset. Grow up! She chose to spend the last year with you, not the guy from the video or anyone else. But that could change if you keep acting like that.
have a conversation, tell her hey this really rubbed me wrong, and a would you mind deleting any of those old fling photos? if you’re that type, and assuming you have done the same.
You drop her attention and leave👍. Move on.
I mean I have like 30k things in my camera roll and a bunch of them are favorited from over the years (can’t remember 80% of what’s in there). Is your camera roll completely clean? She might have a past from years ago but she’s with you; she chose you. You can easily get over this dude
I have a past. I’ve had a few serious (and not so serious) boyfriends. I was married for a decade then divorced. All before I met my current partner. Shocking, I know. It would never occur to me to go through my phone, social media, etc. and delete old photos, even ‘favorite’ ones.
What exactly are you ‘seeing red’ about? That you saw the picture? That it was a favorite photo from her past? That she has a past? Let it go.
Do you really think she would hand you her phone to search through her photos if she knew it was there.. be for real.
I get it, you saw something most of us wouldn’t want to see. Being shocked in the moment is understandable, but you need to now move on or you’re going to ruin your relationship.
Don’t listen to any of these women in the replies, break up with her and find someone who don’t got pics w her ex on her phone
First, I want to validate your emotional experience in that yes, it’s always very painful and jarring to see photos or videos of your partner with an ex, especially when it’s sexual. You are entitled to that pain and shock.
That being said, I think it is highly likely that she really did forget. I go through my photos pretty often, but not enough to make sure that every single image is in order and that everything I’d want deleted is deleted. That’s a very human mistake.
It also seems like your reaction is punishing her for having a sexual past, period. You said you couldn’t even look at her- that is a very severe reaction and I think there’s a lot to unpack there. I think that objectively, your girlfriend made a mistake. It seems that the worst of your reaction stems from insecurity about having seen her with another man. You can have those thoughts, but you can’t take them out on her. You should call her and apologize for your reaction. You should also sit with your feelings and question yourself about why you had the level of reaction that you did- there’s a lot of unpacking there. More than anything else though, you owe her an apology.