There’s been a situation with a landlord where basically he wants to kick my girlfriend out because she’s been bringing me over. Landlord didn’t know she was bringing me over (her ex-ex-roommate didn’t care), Ex-roommate was unhappy about it and moved out after 4 weeks. Legally there was no issue with her bringing me over but now my girlfriend has brought up the issue of feeling uncomfortable because of this and preferably wants to move into a new place that is 1 bedroom. I’ve been in a relationship with her for 8 months ish and have been staying for 1-3 nights over the weekend.
She’s suggested that I pay part of the rent to help her get a 1 bedroom. It turned into an argument but I reluctantly agreed. The rent would be $100-$150 more a week and I would be covering that amount weekly. I thought about it and it does make sense, the rent would be around $600 ish and me staying over 2-3 nights a week sounds right.
However it just feels a bit off as I am already paying for a mortgage around $3k ish per month, and she won’t move in with me as I’m living with my mum (GF wants the privacy). The expense feels 70/30 currently not considering me staying over. I’m paying for most meals we eat out already, + fuel for all the driving around. This scenario isn’t something I’ve heard of and don’t know if it’s something that’s normal since I’m not living there. Financially it is a bit more constricting but somewhat manageable. As for me paying for stuff it’s culturally expected, and I’m making about 100k and her 70kish.
Is this something that is commonplace or am I getting roped something.
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honestly this sounds like a super specific situation so i can’t say if this is common or not. but if u dont have the finances to pay for it and ur gonna resent her for it then definitely dont pay for it. i doubt she’s gonna end the relationship over it. i can see where she’s coming from and why she suggested it but u 100% have the right to say no. and maybe u guys can come up with a different compromise or a different way u can help her out etc
No, you’re getting fleeced
I’m confused. You’re paying a 3k mortgage? Your mothers? But. You can’t live together in the house you pay for because your mom wants privacy? Whose house is it? Either way, it’s absurd to agree to pay part of her rent. Quit staying over if you have to pay. This is all very strange. She can’t come to your house that you pay for because mom needs privacy..
You definitely should be paying some of the rent if you’re staying over 2-3 times a week. Going over without sleeping there is a different story. You’re now living there too, and are responsible for paying your share of the expenses. $100-150 is generous, as she could ask you to pay some utilities, for some of the groceries, etc. as well.
What if you break up? It’s a dating relationship, not an engagement or a marriage. This doesn’t make sense at all.
So the landlord cannot kick her out legally; this is all down to your GF feeling uncomfortable? 3 nights a week does sound like a lot if it’s a small place though. This doesn’t feel right to me if you are already paying 70:30; at this stage in the relationship she should move to another place that she can afford.
I can’t really see the future/end game for you though; you are planning to live with your GF 2-3 nights a week while you have another home and she will eventually move in with you and your mum? It looks like you two are not making a plan to be together and usually when you are not making a plan to be together in the long term then that’s what will happen: you won’t be together in the long term. For that reason, whatever you do, don’t sign anything for the new place.
If you had been going out with her for a few years then maybe yes but after 8 months, no. Also stop paying for all the meals etc, you are not her ATM. Just because it is culturally expected it doesn’t make it so.
Also what happens if you split up can she pay the rent on her own and if not would she still expect you to pay for it because in this day and age with the attitude most women have, she would.
I’ve never heard of this type of thing before. Does she not stay over at yours at all?
How does she expect to pay the rent if you break up? Because it sounds like she can’t afford it without you. If she can’t afford it on her own, then she shouldn’t do it. Relying on someone else to pay the rent when they don’t live there is risky.
Also I’d check her lease – because unless it says something about overnight guests, he can’t legally kick her out over you. You even say there was no issue legally, the ex roomies just didn’t like it.
Most people would expect someone with a partner to have them over a few times a week. And vice versa. If she refuses to spend any time at yours, that’s a her problem – it shouldn’t be on you to subsidise her rent just because she will only stay at hers.
This sounds dodgy and I’d be very careful.
Can she afford her own place without your subsidy? Because you should both be living and dating according to your finances. I get cultural norms but will she expect you to keep paying if you broke up, until she finds a new partner to subsidise her rent? Your reluctance to agree to pay gives me the sense that you knew that this isn’t right. If she can’t afford her own place without you, then she needs to find a roommate.
I think more info is needed. You say that you already pay a mortgage. Is that your house or your mother’s house? If your mother lives in your house, have you considered how this will work out long term? Your current girlfriend doesn’t want to live with your mother. That’s not unreasonable, but if you and your mom live together, you need to think long term.
It doesn’t make sense to pay part of her rent when you already have your own place. She doesn’t want to be at your house, which kind of forces you to go to her house. If she can’t afford a 1 bedroom, she should not rent a 1 bedroom. I don’t think you should have to pay rent to visit her on the weekend. Why doesn’t she ever stay at your place? If she did, would she be opposed to paying $900 of the $3k you pay?
If she wouldn’t pay, why should you?
Sounds like a stupid move for both of you. What is your gf going to do if you break up? How will she afford rent?
Yes you should be paying something if you’re staying somewhere 2-3 nights a week. But your Gf’s argument of wanting privacy as for the reason to not sleep at yours is a bit suspect when she lives in a shared place already. Just because you make a decent amount of money don’t let someone that you haven’t even been dating for a year take you for a ride with your money. She’s not going to be able to afford the rent of a 1 bedroom if you split up. Did she think of that? Or does she just have money signs in her eyes while looking for a 1 bedroom because her boyfriend has money. Some of it makes sense and some of it is red flags from her imo.
Your girlfriend wants privacy but can’t afford to pay for privacy. So that’s an issue. I don’t understand how a house with roommates is private but a house with your mother is not.
From what I understand
What about the following options
I don’t understand why the solution here is putting her into a rental that she can’t afford, and you won’t move into.