I (27/F) have been talking with my boyfriend (32/M) since February of this year. We didn’t actually meet until April, and in May I asked him if he wanted to put a label on it. I feel like I’ve spoken too soon though and I’ve been having lots of doubts recently.
We are both extremely busy. We’re both first responders (different jobs, similar fields). We both work 12 hour shifts, he has rotating days off and they sometimes conflict with mine. I get a lot of overtime (mandated and voluntary). For example I’m working 70 hours this week. He also has side gigs outside of his regular job, so for a lot of his days off he’s busy.
We live an hour and a half apart from each other, which isn’t too bad, but he lives with his mom, whereas I live by myself, so I feel bad but he ends up coming to visit me more often so we can get some private time together.
It’s been two months of dating and more of talking but I feel like things aren’t progressing. He is an amazing guy, works very hard, has great values, and I could see him being a great husband, but we just don’t get time together which gives me doubts. He usually doesn’t make plans to see me, I am the one to initiate, but he does make sure to text me every day. We don’t talk on the phone. We were busy at one point and didn’t see each other for 3 weeks. We are about to hit that again. I’ve seen him twice in the month of July. I just have a hard time feeling like I’m in a relationship with all things considered.
I am divorced and was with my ex for 8 years, so I feel like this may play a part in it as well. I’m very much used to being a wife, coming home to someone and taking care of them, and casual dating has been extremely hard for me. I do enjoy his company (and both our independent lives) but it’s hard to feel like we aren’t just friends. Should I continue as we have been and enjoy the time we do get? Should I see where it goes? Do we break up?
TLDR: Boyfriend and I have been official for 2 months and I’m having doubts. We are both extremely busy and live an hour and a half apart and have only seen each other a handful of times since then. I feel as if things aren’t progressing.
Comments
Expecting to be at wife level after 8 weeks is not reasonable.
The only way you’ll get back to being a wife is to keep dating. Working 70 hours a week will make this more difficult for you. If you want to prioritize a relationship, you may need to cut back and give yourself more time to spend on romantic endeavors in a way you didn’t have to when married.
Why don’t you two ever talk on the phone? That’s a pretty important thing to do in long distance relationships.
if you genuinely do not feel like you’re compatible then you don’t have to stay with him. only you will know if this is best for you. i think giving it maybe a few more months wouldn’t hurt though