My bf (29m) and I (27f) have been sexual right from the beginning, we slept together the third date and both of us have high sex drives. For the first month and a half, it was just insane sex every time. So much of it. I’m an active participant, it’s a sub/Dom dynamic. We still went on dates and had sweet moments about what we wanted from a relationship. We both are looking for log term “our person” types of things.
It’s been nearly three months now and I just got home from staying the night at his where we had sex only once and he didn’t make me finish. I was drunk when I came over, I just had my last day at work and he told me to stay over as I live an 1.5 hour train from where my coworkers and I got drunk, and he only lives a half hour away. I ordered food to his house to be less of a burden and did my best to not cause problems. According to him I just kept forgetting I had ordered pizza and being excited when I remembered and nothing else I did was weird.
However, this was potentially my last night with him before I go away for three months to do rural work (I need it for my next visa, I’m an immigrant and he is a citizen of the country we live in) I know he was tired, life has been busy for both of us recently. And he has some mental health struggles and I support him through. That said, I feel selfish for this, but I’m just sad, disappointed and concerned because wtf was that. I asked him to be a little mean and he was and he used a vibrator on me but it was taking a while because when I drink anything it is harder for me to finish. So he finished, and from what I remember he rolled over and I was left without finishing.
I remember I was bratty, I told him I should use the vibrator myself since he didn’t get me off. This made him shut down. (When I talked to him about it the next day, he said it was a trauma response and I apologized, PROFUSELY) but I tried to get myself off and he started ridiculing me. This was a new “character” if you will. And I ended up not being able to finish because of the alcohol and, frankly, because he made me feel unwanted with this new character.
Anyway, to get to the point, this morning I woke up and I know he did to, around 7:30. I desperately wanted him to initiate. He didnt. I kissed himself face, cuddled, nothing but a smile and some chatting. He went back to sleep and we woke up again around 10am. I was up that whole time overthinking, potentially, lol.
I’m sick of being the one to ask. I asked him last night. I asked him both times the weekend before, I asked him 5/7 times the weekend before that. He knows he can just start it up when he wants and I’ve literally never not wanted this man. He used to be the one to initiate most times! He still sends me sweet messages and such.
This was our last night together for potentially three months. He knows I didn’t finish. Having the partner finish is what gets him To finish so I’m now left feeling like this man doesn’t want me anymore, and just finished because I am a body and he was inside of me.
I need to know if this is rational. I know he hates being the one to end things so we jokingly said to each other if we decide to end it, we would just stop sleeping with each other. Is that what this is, realistically, given what I have shared? Yes, we chatted about it this morning. He had to start doing some work around the house for his dad so we didn’t thave much time to chat about it.
He said, offhandedly, when he dropped me off at the train station that we will find another time to meet up before I leave so he can make me finish. Realistically, that won’t happen.
I like this man but if he is going to end this with me I would like to go into the next three months knowing that, not feeling insecure the whole three months. Am I overthinking potentially because this is my first attempt at a long term relationship where we are having sex? (I used to be very scared of premarital, obviously I’ve changed lol) Is this normal for sex at this stage of a relationship?
Tl;DR I’m worried that me being the one to indicate lately instead of him means he doesn’t want to be with me anymore.
Comments
Do you feel you can chat with him OP about what you’ve posted here?