Tldr: my bf went down on me while having his lip bruised from a bite (not herpes according to him, tough he is diagnosed with it), and now I have genital herpes.
My bf and I have been dating for several months and he told me that he had labial herpes (HSV 1) a couple of months ago, when he had a breakout, something that hadn’t happened to him in years (according to him).
We’ve always been careful when having relations, using condoms and wtvs, and kept apart when he had the breakout.
Recently a bruise appeared on his lips and he said it was when he bit them (they were dry bc of the weather), so they bruised. One or two weeks later he wanted to go down on me, something that I’m not a particular fan of, but as I was turned on I just let him (though somehow something always pushes me not to do it because idk).
Earlier this week I went to the gynecologist bc I was in so much pain and they told me I had gotten genital herpes. This isn’t pleasant at all and I’m incredibly frustrated with the situation.
I know it is both our faults because I should’ve stopped it and not allow him to proceed, as I was well aware of the risks bc I studied it.
Right now he is sad and retracting, and that annoys me bc I’m the one sick and frustrated and trying to move past this, and he just keeps bringing it up and apologising. I’ve told him that I cannot just “forgive and forget” bc though it’s not life threatening, is incredibly painful and will stay with me forever.
Note : I’m not trying to shift any blame as we each have to deal with the consequences of our actions, but if you’ve been in that situation, how to do live with this? Does the resentment and frustration decrease with time and you just learn to live with this?
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Hello. The same thing happened to me. What you have is definitely HSV1, it just happened in a different part of your body unfortunately. It’s painful and uncomfortable AF I know. Just try to sit down and talk to him. I made sure to not put the blame on him because he had no bad intentions. Just tell him that next time you will both be more careful to avoid this pain and going through this. In order to be a couple he has to be comfortable to talk about the most uncomfortable things. Just reassure him that you’re not mad at him.
The thing is, I have this sneaking suspicion he knew he had herpes but probably didn’t want to disclose out of shame. There is such a stigma surrounding it. He should have mentioned this at the start of your relationship out of respect and your own autonomy though. I’m sorry this happened to you. Hope your first outbreak isn’t too painful. Definitely get on a medication and then moving forward take L Lysine and B12 to boost immune system again future flare ups. Hope you guys are able to have a mature conversation about it and get through this if that’s what you want