My boyfriend (30M) and I (27F) have been having sex for a little under three months (it’s a pretty new relationship). I grew up in a very religious household and while I have gotten better at communicating about sex, there are still some areas I struggle.
When we started having sex, he had issues with finishing so I put in extra effort to make him comfortable and get to a point where he could finish. Now he has no problem and reaches climax within 5ish minutes but I’m left unsatisfied. I feel like I’m giving longer blow jobs than him and only get about 5 minutes of oral and foreplay to get in the mood. Then we have sex and he does all the positions that make him cum as quick as possible. Once he finishes the sex finishes. I know a lot of men can’t continue having sex after ejaculating, but I really wish he could continue or find some way for me to walk away content. It makes me feel a little resentful, which I hate.
I have never been able to orgasm by myself (masturbating) or with a partner, which is something I am working with a sexual medicine doctor on. This is something he is aware of. There is more to enjoy during sex than orgasming, so I try to focus on those rather than stressing over the lack of orgasming. I genuinely want to have sex and can enjoy it, but it takes longer to set the mood and get to an area where I am satisfied. I feel like for me to fully enjoy sex I need us to focus more on me than him, but the idea makes me feel selfish. He is finishing during sex though, so is it a selfish request? What are your thoughts and how would you navigate the conversation?
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Not selfish. Actually seems like a pretty easy request. The problem is you must give specifics and ensure he understands what you mean.
Have you used a vibrator?
Anyway…tell him what you said here. You have to ask for what you want. Get yours up front because once he’s done, he’s done.
Never heard of anyone who couldn’t orgasm…
Just have the conversation. Tell him your concerns and frustrations. Ask him his thoughts. Work together to find and put in effort to make the necessary changes. Communication is vital.
My girl!! please, please buy a vibrator.
You need to learn what you like and don’t.
I’m like you. It took years of learning.
Years of thinking it’s about him, it isn’t. What about you? Women take longer to orgasm. 5 minutes without the proper “ground work” won’t do it.
He can play with you, the toys are not a dirty secret.
How is it selfish to ask for pretty much what he’s doing now?
With the difference that you could always make him come later or at another time.
Men can’t “go on” right after they come, in the sense that their penis won’t be erect. They still have perfectly functioning hands (that can be used as they are or they can hold a vibrator) and a perfectly functioning mouth.
If he despises the idea of doing anything after he comes, he should satisfy you first. This is like, basic courtesy.
Another warm relationship moment from our friendly wham bam thank you ma’am!! Lol You just tell him you need to talk to him. I’m certain he enjoys having sex with you and would like it to continue and I don’t know how all men feel but I do know as a majority guys want their woman happy and satisfied in the bedroom. I am also certain that your bf will be listening like a big kid if you tell him that blow jobs will be lasting the same time of the moments you feel pleasure lol. Just like everything, communication is better with practice.
Maybe you haven’t been with many men but maybe it’s him. I had problems like you and then I dated a man who made it his PRIORITY that I came before him. He wouldn’t even think about finishing before me. I’m not with him anymore cause he was crazy, but I do miss him in bed. Not all men can prioritize a woman like that.
Didn’t know we started celebrating characterless behaviour lolz typical west people without even seeing bio can tell