So, I think this has been a long time coming, but I just haven’t addressed it until now. Before I start off, I want to iterate that I am very romantically attracted to my girlfriend. However, I notice that I don’t really experience much sexual attraction in general. This isn’t just from our relationship. I’m past relationships, I just chalked it up to having a lower drive than previous partners. However, after sharing an intimate moment with my girlfriend the other night, I realized how out of place I felt. Something that I love about my girlfriend is that she’s extremely affectionate. It’s just that I don’t show my romantic affection in the same way. I know that this aspect is important to her, as she has expressed. I love her to death, but I just don’t feel the same way about sexual aspects to a relationship. On one hand, she’s amazing and I don’t want to lose her. On the other hand, I don’t want to force her to be in a relationship where she can’t get something that she deems to be important. What is the best way forward in this situation?
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You’d first go to your doctor and get your T levels tested. While there are people who just lack libido it’s far more common that there’s a hormonal component to it. If you do that and get a clean bill of health then you’d have to basically ‘come out’, that hideously mangled concept, to her and tell her that sex will no longer be part of your life. Then it’ll be up to her to decide if she wants to stay in a sexless relationship with you or go find someone who’s interested in sex.
Have a very honest talk with her saying everything you’ve said and give her time to process. And at the end of the day, remember it’s ok for her to move on to a relationship where her sexual needs are met. Mismatched sexual desires take their toll on a relationship, long term.
Tell her that you aren’t attracted to her and that you have no interest in sexual contact.
Have you thought about framing this as exploring different ways to connect intimately?