I (28f) was out with friends tonight and was hanging out with mine and my boyfriends (25m) mutual friends. Another guy (32m) that was out of the friend group showed up and hung out for a bit. I was talking to the only other girl (34f)in the group who was saying her boyfriend went out to the strippers while she was waiting at home and lied to her saying he was at a gender reveal until later. She was telling me she was planning on kicking him out this weekend.
The newer guy was there and she mentioned she thought he was cool. Then mentioned she thought he was hot. I said he was attractive and that she should totally go for him. My boyfriend overheard and is now pissed that I said someone he works with is hot (forgot to mention he came by because he does work with him). Is this bad? Genuinely havent been in a relationship since my early 20s. Need some advice. Thank you
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Personally, I think I would hate it if my boyfriend did the same. I’m 19 F so many it’s different when you get older and I’m also super insecure. I think if that’s his boundaries then that’s that. Just have a convo and don’t dismiss how he feels. No right or wrong just your own personal opinions or preferences.
Not the right thing to say in front of your boyfriend especially to his coworker. No wonder he is pissed off.
It wouldn’t have bothered me at all. Actually, my wife and I play games when we are out in public trying to guess who in the room we think the other finds the hottest person in the room and who we think gives off the most dateable vibes.
In this context…
I’d personally give you a pass on it.
You weren’t saying it out of interest for yourself. You were stating an observation in agreement with your friend for someone she was thinking about, giving her a confidence boost. Different texture to me.
Its not like you nudged your friend and went “look at that guy, he is a stud” all on your own opinion unwarranted.
The context here I could bypass.
I don’t think its a crime to acknowledge someone’s appearance in a spot like that.
Does your bf actually think you will never find anyone else outside of him subjectively attractive?
What happened sounds completely subjective. Not a line crossed for me myself, but everyone else is different so who knows.
Some people are more chill… Others are not. To each their own.
Did you say “hot” or “he’s attractive”? To be honest, most people would probably be unhappy hearing their partner say that, even worse if they work together. Best you can do is apologize and try to explain that you were just encouraging your friend, and that you didn’t mean much else by it. Try your best not to make comments about other men like that in the future, out of respect to your partner
Awareness would have been “He’s almost as hot as ****” while looking towards your boyfriend…
Just try to be more conscious of your words / surroundings 😉
That’s all he’ll think about now. Good job.
Op, it’s not about insecurities it’s about respect for him and the relationship. You saying that to your friend is just disrespectful.
Maybe he will wonder when you tell him you are going for a girls night about what you will actually be doing.
Imagine when the shoe is on the other foot. You hearing him tell one of his friends that your girlfriend is hot.
I don’t think so. One thing everyone in a long term relationship has to get comfortable with is that you will find other people attractive. I think it’s healthy to acknowledge this but it can be uncomfortable for some people.
Plus, it isn’t like you just said this out of the blue.
Sounds like he insecure. People don’t stop being attractive because you get in a relationship. If you were chatting with your friend and you were both drooling over him and making lots of comments about how gorgeous he is then yeah I could see why your bf would be upset but if you just agreed with your friend and told her to go for it then you’ve done nothing wrong.
I worked with a cute dude for years and when my bf first saw him he was like omg you didn’t tell me he was so handsome. Bf still refers to him as the handsome man with piercing blue eyes. Being secure in a relationship makes all the difference.