Throw away account because he uses Reddit.
For starters my bf and I have been together for almost 7 years but don’t live together, he lives with his mother and brother. I’m currently visiting for a few weeks with our child before school starts and this morning when I crawled under the couch to grab something for him and I found a thick hair tie which I have never used I always use thin ones. It isn’t his mother’s because he lives in an upstairs apartment-like attic and she has short enough hair that she never uses hair ties, so I’m not sure what to make of this. During my last visit around Christmas time he had me move the funeral and clean all of upstairs so I can confidently say that it the hair tie appeared there while I was back home over an hour away.
Our relationship has never been very good (he doesn’t treat me very well, is very narcissistic and manipulative, doesn’t help care for our child, etc.) I don’t want to throw accusations around, but this isn’t the first time this has happened. About a year or two ago I found a pair of black leggings in his bedroom, he swore they were mine but they were an XL and I’m a bigger girl so I typically wear 2xl for more comfortable fit and the leggings weren’t from a brand I use or was even aware of. When I brought them up to him, his immediate response was to laugh it off and say that his mom probably brought them home from the laundromat accidentally thinking they were mine, which seemed logical, except his mom is usually pretty careful about checking everything before and after using the washers and dryer. His mom apparently laughed about it too and backed up what he said although I can’t fully confirm because there’s a language barrier between us. Now the hair tie happening is throwing me for a loop and i don’t know what to do, can someone please give me some advice? I’m stuck here until the end of July with our child.
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Jeeze, as someone who’s found questionable shit multiple times in their man’s house and regrets not leaving after finding it and just chalking it up to maybe it just appeared here. Just leave him, this person or people are leaving hints.
Best of luck
I think you already know what you should do.
You don’t need anyone’s permission to leave him. You can leave him just because you don’t like him, you have free will.
Good luck!!!!
You only live over an hour away.. not the other side of the world. Even if you did… you could still leave. If he doesn’t treat you well… that could simply be the end of the relationship. You decide what treatment you receive… you set the standard. Just leave him and he can ask for custody.
I will say, my hair and its accessories have ended up in weird places. In highschool, a girl I knew found one of my hairs wrapped around her cat when I had never been to her house.
That being said, I can’t think of a reasonable explanation for another woman’s clothes to be in your home. Added to the fact that the relationship is terrible in other ways, it’s pretty clear you need to drop this guy.
Why do you live separately? Why is he asking you to clean his room? You’ve said he’s manipulative and narcissistic, is that not enough of a reason to leave? Just cut the trip short and end the relationship
Why are you still in a relationship with him?? You can co-parent without being together! Break it off already, what good do you get from this relationship? Know your worth and that you deserve better
You don’t need evidence of an affair to end a relationship you very clearly want and need to end for lots of other valid reasons. Start making your exit plan.
The leggings thing was legit suspicious. The hair tie – not so much. Us folks with long hair lose those things constantly. Any guest over many years time could have dropped that hair tie.
Now the narcissism and manipulative behavior and poor parenting – those are the giant red flags you should be listening to. Start planning an exit from this relationship in the way that best protects the needs of your child.
What kind of advice are you looking for…? You’re being a doormat for seven years and your issue is with an hair tie, not even the first object clearly belonging to another woman you’ve found.
If you’re happy living like this, ok.
Why are you with him?
So, let me get this straight. He is:
So … what is it that he brings to the table?
The relationship isn’t good and he doesn’t treat you or your child well. It’s very likely he cheats and brings women home with him. His mother would never tell you that so there’s no point in expecting her to.
You only live an hour away. Just go home. Break it off with him. Work out how to co-parent.
After 7 years you know who he is. He won’t change. Stop wasting time. Life is not a rehearsal. If you want more from a partner you’re going to have to go out and find it elsewhere.
I know this is going to sound rude as hell but, Who cares whose hair tie it is, he sounds terrible, let someone else have him.