I (28F) hate my friend’s (25F) girlfriend (21F) (aka how do I be nice after all of this)

My (28F) friend’s (25F) girlfriend (21F) sucks.

The whole situation is very frustrating, and the relationship started off on a pretty bad foot. My friend spent last summer hooking up with this girl who stated that she wasn’t gay. That’s her business, but as you can imagine, my friend struggled with seeing someone who was not only not out of the closet but also continued to claim that she was straight. She could be pretty mean to my friend, so eventually they broke it off. No big deal.

Here’s the issue – That girl has an identical twin, and THAT is who my friend is now dating. Obviously, it was always a weird thing, and the sister that she hooked up with last summer has been harassing both of them. She has sent text messages to them with slurs, spread rumors about my friend that she was a creep and a stalker, showed up at the twins’ apartment, and was screaming and throwing things. I was very honest with my friend that this was not a healthy relationship. Regardless of the bond between her and her girlfriend, it was all around problematic. Still, my friend wanted to pursue this relationship, and all I could do was shrug and be supportive.

Until she went missing. Yup, she went missing. About a month and a half into the relationship, she was supposed to travel from the Midwest to the East Coast for a friend’s graduation. About an hour into the trip, no one had heard from her, and her location stopped updating. After 8 hours, people were rightly concerned. My friend and her parents went down to where her phone last updated to search for her, as well as make a police report. They looked at her credit card history and found footage of her at a fast-food restaurant. Hahaha, all good right? I wake up to a phone call from my friend around 2 am, and all I hear is her sobbing. Still, no one has heard from her. I rush to my friend’s house and stay with her to comfort her. It was an awful thing to watch my friend go through. I was watching her mourn someone. Desperate to see her again, but unsure if she ever would. Time goes by, and the girlfriend never shows up to her friend’s graduation. I begin to make a list of every hospital that she could have been taken to if something had happened to her. My friend starts calling. Suddenly, there is a hit on the girlfriend’s license plate, and she is headed back this way. By around 8 pm, nearly 40 hours later, she shows up at her parents’ house. Safe.

The story goes that during her journey, she got two flat tires and her phone stopped working. Her phone stopped working an hour it, but it wasn’t till she made it to the mountain range that she stopped to try and get a new phone, which she couldn’t afford due to getting new tires. She didn’t borrow a phone because she didn’t want people to know she was alone and didn’t want her parents to yell at her. I cannot express to you how angry this made me. A waste of resources, tears, and time. All because her parents might get angry at her.

My friend forgave her pretty quickly. I asked if the girlfriend had any idea what she put her through and how she had traumatized her. My friend said she did and that they were just happy she was safe.

They have been together for 4 months now, and I can’t seem to get over this. I haven’t met the girlfriend yet, and I’m nervous to. I love my friend, and I do see how happy the girlfriend makes her, but the harassment from the twin sister continues, and I am not sure how I will react to meeting this person for the first time. It’s like I know too much, and I am worried about disappointing my friend. I don’t want to make her life hard but I have no idea how to approach this.

tldr – My friend’s relationship is problematic, and I don’t know how to be nice about it after an issue with an identical twin and the girlfriend going missing for 40 hours.