My husband (29M) and I (28F) have a friend (26F) that for the last few weeks has been acting a certain way and I’m not sure if I should confront her about it or just quietly end the friendship. There’s a lot of context but I’ll try to sum it up.
My husband and I have been friends with Jane (not her real name) for about 3 years. Because of how close we live to her, we see her multiple times a week and basically consider her to be part of the family. A few weeks ago my husband recommended her for a position at the company he works for and she got the job, since then she’s been exhibiting certain behaviors and making comments that are causing me think that the relationship has turned transactional on her end. Before she took the job, my husband warned her that it was a fast paced environment and the person before her had been fired due to poor management of their team so the first few weeks would be stressful. Since she’s been in the position, she’s made multiple “joking” comments about how my husband is to blame for how stressful her life has become. Because of his position at the company, my husband reached out to HR and is actively working to get her a substantial raise to match the workload. I understand where she is coming from because she should be paid more but we are now getting passive aggressive texts from her about how much money she is missing out on until she gets the raise. My husband is also about to make the switch to a different company and she is “jokingly” saying that he better bring her over once he is established there. I’m very protective of my husband because he is always trying to give people chances and I’ve seen him taken advantage of because of it.
I wasn’t sure if I was reading too far into her comments but what she said tonight might have been the final straw. Jane has always been very opinionated about certain topics and makes her views known. Tonight she and I were having a conversation about men and I understand that she hasn’t had the best experiences in her dating life or with men in general which has led her to adopt the belief that all men are evil. She ended the conversation by stating that she has never relied on a man to get where she is in life and insinuated that simply because he is a man, my husband is part of the ‘toxic men of society that enforce the patriarchy’ (her words). Even though just last week she was telling me about how he is one of the only men at the company who actually listens to his female coworkers and is extremely fair about the decisions he makes. For the last three years he’s been nothing but a good friend to her and helped her get a new job when she was unhappy about her old one. It’s upsetting that after all this time this is how she sees him and I’m a little shocked that she had the audacity to say that about him to me.
I’m not sure if the stress of the new position is causing her to act this way and I just need to be patient until things level out or if I’m justified in feeling a bit disgusted by her behavior. Knowing that she doesn’t take criticism well, how do I confront her or do I quietly end the friendship?
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He should’ve never gotten her a job at his company. He should stop advocating for her to get more money. He should leave her to her own devices and whether she works out or not at that job will be on her. He should stop communicating with her directly. He should block her and when he moves to his new department, he shouldn’t bring her over to his new team.
You should be a better partner and stop putting your husband in a position to help people that may end up blowing up his professional and y’all personal lives.
Let this “friendship” die.