My wife and I went through a really difficult financial situation earlier this year. We had debts, bills piling up, and honestly we were both stressed and panicking.
She suggested we reach out to an old friend of hers — someone I didn’t know very well. She said he was doing well, owned a small business, and might be able to help us with a loan.
He agreed immediately, gave us a pretty decent amount with no contract, no interest, and told us to just pay it back when we could. I was honestly shocked by how generous he was.
At first, I just felt grateful. But lately… I don’t know how to explain it. My wife keeps bringing him up. Like, constantly.
She says things like “He’s such a genuine person” or “Not many men are like him” or “He really understands people.”
I brushed it off at first. But then I started noticing her tone whenever she talks about him. There’s this softness in her voice, like admiration — or more.
A couple weeks ago, I came home earlier than expected and I heard her talking to someone on the phone. She was laughing in this very specific way.
It’s stupid, but it’s the kind of laugh she used to have with me when we first got together.
I asked who it was, and she said he was just checking in on how we’re doing.
Maybe that’s all it was… but ever since then, I can’t get it out of my head.
Now every time I make a payment back on that loan, I feel like I’m paying not just the debt, but some emotional tab I didn’t even agree to.
I know I might be overthinking. I haven’t seen her do anything “wrong.”
But my gut keeps telling me there’s something I’m not seeing.
So I’m stuck.
I don’t want to confront her and sound paranoid.
I don’t want to talk to the guy and make things weird.
But I also don’t want to ignore this and end up being some clueless fool in my own marriage.
Has anyone else ever dealt with this kind of silent suspicion before?
Am I being unfair? Or is it worth trusting my gut?
TL;DR: My wife and I borrowed money from someone, and now I suspect she may have developed feelings for him. I’m not sure if I’m being paranoid or if my instincts are right.
Comments
No contract or interest from an ‘old friend’? I’d be more than a little suspicious on that alone. Do you know how long they’ve been friends/if there were ever feelings/ anything about the history of their friendship?
Gotta talk to your wife about your feelings. Feelings are valid. Use “I” statements and focus on YOUR feelings, not “you” statements.
You are being unfair. He gave an interest free loan and you are being beyond rude. You don’t have to kiss the ground he walks on but maybe show a little bit of appreciation especially since he basically gave you money for free and said to pay it back when you can. Very rare friend indeed.
You just don’t like the guilt associated with knowing that you allowed yourself to get into debt in the first place. Maybe ask your wife if you can get him a thank you card and also some sort of small gift as a token of appreciation. It will go a long way and you’ll feel less guilty
Just talk to her, not in an accusatory way, rather in an honest and non-confrontational manner about how it makes you uncomfortable, tell her how you feel about it and what changes you want from her.
Her response will tell you everything, if she’s understanding and epathetic then good but if she gets defensive n stuff, trust your instincts, you know your wife better than us.
You can also get couples counselling.
Stay safe mate
Why did she suggest him specifically out of all people? How does she know his financial status? Do they text and talk more than you’ve been led to believe? You know your wife and how she acts around him. I would go with my gut and probably go looking through some messages. If you trust your wife and don’t suspect cheating just tell her what you’ve been noticing. That you remember that same laugh she used to bag you.
Well, there’s kind of a lot to unpack here. Do you feel like maybe subconsciously your spidey senses are firing on all cylinders because you have a deep feeling of shame? Maybe you feel shame for needing to borrow money from another man. Him taking the role of the provider in the marriage might be having an effect on how you feel and observe things. You might be hyper analyzing things because of that feeling of not being enough. Might be a good idea to ask a close friend to analyze things. In the meantime, you need to get back your confidence before allowing it to consume you to the point of no longer being the man she fell in love with.
Always trust your gut.
>I don’t want to confront her and sound paranoid.
But being truthful about your feelings to your life partner is confrontation and you feel she will consider you paranoid then you have other problems in your marriage. Communication breakdown is as serious a reason for marital demise as infidelity.