TLDR; I was in love with a friend of over a decade, patterns of her talking to me a ton when single but ignoring me mostly when in a relationship, plus me often taking the place of “boyfriend” duties has me confused.
For context, we’ve been incredibly close friends since 2013, texting on multiple apps every single day since then. I’ve always had a small crush on her but never really felt strongly enough about it to make a move growing up.
In 2019 she moved to Europe for a boyfriend and has been there ever since. Two years ago, after a huge slog of life changes I realized how deep my affection ran and told her. She was in a new relationship and did not reciprocate. No hard feelings obviously but I told her I needed to go no contact for an indeterminate amount of time to fix myself. She obliged.
Fast forward six months and I did a huge amount of changing. I no longer felt how I did, and had ended up finding a new GF. She reached out to me telling me there was no pressure but she really missed me and was open to starting up again if I felt up for it.
That felt fine until this past new years when she asked if she could come stay with me for a few days. It was great to reconnect but she kept acting a little strange, constantly referring to how my no contact made her cry and how hard it was for her. I didn’t think much of it until the end of her trip when she started telling me she thought she wanted to break up with her (new) boyfriend of a few years.
Continuing on this past year, she actually surprised me in June by saying she got tickets to come visit again for a week which I told her wasn’t gonna work (I can’t just have her stay with me with no notice, my girlfriend and I had plans). But my friend and I made plans to visit her families lake house in July. I figured it’d be a neutral place full of friends and neighbors.
It was not. It was all of her siblings and their partners and kids…and then me. Everyone was super kind and accepted me immediately but there were just some weird situations. For one she kept sleeping in a shirt I bought her almost a decade ago and we stayed out talking till 3 am every night, one night literally just laying under the stars. Another night she wanted to drive two hours away to go sit in a river so we were up till 6am together.
I just struggle to see how I’m supposed to react to these things. I’d never do any of these things with my other friends. And it’s starting to get to the point where I feel like I might need to address it. Speaking with a few friends the other night they immediately flagged it as toxic fluffing. Does this sound strange?
Comments
Wait, you did all of this with a friend while your gf was back home?
In any case, it only gets as weird as you let it be. If you guys have always had this type of relationship, then it’s not big deal.
As fantastic as this sounds, be careful reading into this bc she did this for a decade already. if she is breaking up with her boyfriend she needs an emotional replacement and here’s ol reliable OP.
> I’d never do any of these things with my other friends
So stop doing them with her. You need to learn to say no.
Also, I have no idea why you’d think her family’s house would be neutral. That’s just bizarre.
You have a girlfriend.
Stop hanging out with this girl because this bordering on emotionally cheating
I’d be pissed at you if I were your girlfriend. Sounds like you need to start getting real with yourself and pick a lane.
You’re letting her too close. I would be not happy if I was your partner. What you’re really wondering is if she likes you or not now and it’s making you question things. She may like you, she may not, but you’re in a relationship. You’re going to have to decide whether to stick with your current partner or risk it all for a shot that could still end up horribly. Just don’t cheat on your girlfriend. You need to put distance between this friend and your relationship for now.