We broke up three years ago. Since then, I’ve tried dating two other guys, but nothing worked out. I’ve done therapy, tried focusing on myself, filled my time with activities, distractions—everything people usually recommend. And yet… I still think about him. Almost every single day.
I’ve talked to a lot of guys in my life, had connections, even fell for some—but I’ve never been this mentally stuck on one person like this before. It’s frustrating. It doesn’t feel logical anymore.
Why does this happen?
Has anyone here ever experienced this?
What helped you finally let someone go—not just physically, but mentally and emotionally too?
I just want peace already.
Comments
Honestly my opinion is it’s still too early.. if you don’t mind me asking why did you guys break up? Were you both friends for a long time and then got together and then broke up three years later?
Yeah three years later and still thinking about him? Been there and married that lol theres really no back story to your post so its hard to say. I don’t know if it was toxic or what. But could be “the one” could be he still thinking if you too. Normally when i think of someone randomly its because they’re thinking of me too
They say there’s someone for everyone, and maybe this could’ve been your someone. I can’t offer you words or anything that’s going to help you move on, but I can tell you when I lost my first love to cancer at the age of 17, it’s something that I can’t let go of. I’m just shy of 50, so I know that some things just don’t go away. That’s been 31 years ago, and I still remember everything about her.
You’re having obsessive thoughts. Identify them, and don’t react to them. See them as just thoughts and not truths. The key is to bring your thoughts back to the present. Come up with a simple tool to bring your thoughts to the present, brush your teeth, make a cup of tea, stretch, do body sensory exercises, or wash your hands. It’s called building the “bring it back muscle.” Do some research on it and find the tool that works for you.
You let yourself develop a deep emotional connection when he told you that’s not what he wanted. So you’re romanticizing it. He never felt about you the way you felt about him. It sucks. Absolutely. But if you compare every guy you date to him you’ll never meet someone that can meet you where you are. Your perfect guy won’t be like him so be open to other people. Let the guy go with love and open yourself to all the world around you
I have some personal experience that you probably don’t want to hear. It took me years to get over my lying, cheating ex asshole.
Therapy helped. Rebounds didn’t.
You’ll find another and he’ll be an even better fit than the past one…think on that! Geez, love stinks sometimes. Some people heal faster than others. I still love Doris and think fondly of her even now when a Volkswagen Bug drives by me, and last I saw her was in 94′ It takes time and struggle, but it’s all worth it.
You probably cant shake off the idea that you painted in your head with him…your fantasy with him like being married having kids…like the things you probably talked about…or maybe you think nobody can over top him because he had this and that but once you know pascificly what this and that was [characteristics and qualities] the faster you can find that in someone else. Just dont let yourself replay moments and conversations that you had with them to be stuck in the past… you need to feel your emotions, and its ok to cry and feel sad. But you can do 6. You can move on from them and find some better 🙂
Are you still in contact with him? Maybe you still love him. It’s as simple as that. It’s been three years. Maybe he’s changed. Maybe you’ll get closure.
Has he completely moved on from the relationship or do you think he misses you as well?
If he were to come back and say, “ok. I’m ready for a relationship now” how would you react?
Is also your same age? I mean, what’s he looking for at this stage that would indicate he’s “ready” for a relationship?
Is he not ready for a relationship, or is he not ready for a relationship with you? There’s a difference. Maybe he never viewed you like you view him. And if that’s the case, you’re much better off.
Hang in there, kid. I’m rooting for you. It’ll get better.
Usually we miss the idea of someone, or the potential they had to be who we wanted them to be. We women romanticize men and often will project qualities to them that they don’t even have, and we pine and act like Cinderella. When in fact there is no such thing as a Prince Charming.
Being that obsessed over a guy for 3 years indicates that your feelings aren’t really based in reality, that you are dreaming of “what if”. What if he was a certain way, and made you feel a certain way, and it could all be a dreamy fantasy. He’s just some dude. He may have had some qualities you want to look for in your next relationship but he wasn’t perfect and you shouldn’t think he was because that’s not reality. Time to move on
Get a mother boo thing
Maybe it would be idea to go and hang out with him for a little bit just as friends and see how the vibe is you may realise that it is just a memory that you live in and not truly him anymore. He may have changed he may be better he may be worse. You may be better or worse as well. You can live in your head or go and live in reality I would go for the second option and just check him out.
Christ I hope I don’t have to wait years for this feeling to go away
If I were guessing, which I am, I would say that you are violating at least one, and probably all three of the rules to living a healthy and satisfied life:
Think, but don’t overthink. Remember what was good and healthy in the relationship. But also remember what was unhealthy and toxic. Know it, maybe write it down. Then ignore it. You broke up for a reason, probably many. Stop getting recursively stuck in your head replaying why you might be wrong.
Experience, don’t judge (especially yourself). Enjoy the moment, but your brain will fuck with you – this would be so much better with X, what is X doing now, would X (parents, whoever) approve of me doing/enjoying this? That’s just your brain fucking with you, stop it. That guilt, that fear of judgment is just a bag of bricks. All you gotta do is put it down.
Make the ask. Ask people for what you want and need without fear of hearing “no” and without fear of being judged for being an AH or an idiot. People want to help and if they don’t 🤷♂️. You’ll never find the right people if you aren’t asking.
Hope this helps.
You’re an Alpha Widow … No man will ever be enough.
I fell in love with someone 20 years ago. He has since died; I’ve married. I will alway love him. Forever and ever. I close my eyes and make love to him, remember his voice, his smell, his touch. He is not gone to me. I’ll ever love him. It’s just a thing to accept.
3 years? oh child, try 40
You didn’t say this but I’m going to guess that your ex hurt you somehow which led to the breakup. Is that so? If it is, that is probably why this break up is more difficult. It is the people I had to leave when I didn’t want to leave that haunt me the most. I’d say it took about 6 years to really get over them. You just have to keep going. Sometimes I just accepted that I was soul tied to someone I could never be with, sometimes I thought that was ridiculous, but ultimately I did heal and I don’t feel haunted anymore.
If there was no major reason for the break up then… Maybe it’s worth reaching out?