I’ve been dating my BF for one year. He is 24M and I am 29F. There is an obvious age gap. I would have kids right now if i could. he wants to wait 3 or so years, which isn’t deal for me. but other than that the age gap hasn’t been a huge issue.
I really do love him, i think he’s a great person and an amazing boyfriend. I dated my ex for almost 10 years and he was toxic, abusive, mean. Everything in the books. So going from that to this is night and day.
My BF and I live separately still. Havent really had a moving in talk yet.
I like doing things with my BF. I like going to the movies, walks, shopping etc. But i just have this extreme desire to just sit at home by myself. He likes to go out with friends once a weekend and I dont drink and hate bars. I like being alone. I like doing things I want to do without having to run it by someone (not that I need permission or anything). I like being able to go to the gym and then last minute decide i want to go wash my car or something without having to let him know and upset him because it’s less time we are spending together. I like having days all to myself but I dont want to upset him if I do.
I don’t want to break up with him. I like being with him. But i cant get over this need to just be alone and do things by myself.
It’s even family events. I dont want to go to Easter’s and thanksgivings, holidays etc. I love my family and his is great too.
Why do I feel this desire to be alone? How can I get over this?
Tl;dr I’m in a loving safe relationship but I always want to be alone and don’t know how to cope with this.
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Ever consider that you may be depressed?
Why do you think that wanting to be alone is an issue, though? See: Greta Garbo. YOu have an issue with an immature person who gets upset at a perfectly normal and reasonable need.
I’m an introvert and I prefer to be alone when the thought of the company I am keeping kinda bothers me. If he is emotionally draining you that could be a reason why you are wanting this. If it feels like a hassle you want to avoid when either telling him you don’t want to hang out vs just not talking about it to upset him it sounds like you aren’t as compatible as you think. I wouldn’t hold onto a relationship that is this stagnent long term because the fear of having no one. So you’ve really got to ask yourself if you really want this relationship.
Why is the desire to spend time alone something you need to “get over?” Many introverts value their alone time as it is when they are best able to refresh and recharge. I don’t see anything wrong with your preference.
I think you should think that perhaps you didn’t give yourself enough time in between relationships and that you’re craving alone time because you need to process exactly your feelings. It sounds like there are things that you personally need for you to give to yourself right now which should be taking the priority. I would honestly just talk to him and tell him how you feel and that you need to prioritize yourself, but you still wanna be in the relationship, but it needs to take a backseat.
Wanting to be alone and have your own time is 100% normal. Is your partner upset that you want alone time? You may just have clashing views/personalities when it comes to that if so.
Girl! You were in a toxic relationship for 10 years. You are finally free and you want to exercise that freedom! Sounds like you got into another relationship too soon with a man who is safe and kind but doesn’t excite or fulfill you.
If you do want a serious relationship and children one day I would advise you to break this one off now and spend a year or two alone as you so clearly want to. You will NEVER have this chance again if you have children. Being single and completely free and happy with that as an adult is an awesome experience most people don’t appreciate until they can never get it back.