I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 years and I knew he was bi before we started dating. But lately I found his search history and, I mean it is ROWS AND ROWS of tons of porn (all in one night). I really was not expecting all of the gay porn, so MUCH.
when I confronted him, he told me he said before dating he was bi. That is correct, but he never made any indication on HOW much. It really has hit me hard. Of course all of the women on his porn as well. Mostly the ungodly amount there was that he watched in one sitting.
His porn watching has been a deal the whole time in our relationship. Usually he lessens, and then it really is out of sight out of mind and we are happy. Now, we only have sex about once a week (sometimes have gone 2 weeks). He’s also very much in a funk in life (unemployed), so he says he’s not as often in the mood and does t feel good about himself.
I’ve come to terms with the once a week, but god I wonder if it’s cause he’s watching porn all the time. Anyway, I have this fear he’s going to cheat on me with a man one day(he assures me He won’t). He’s CLEARLY curious, and I’m his first and only serious relationship (as he is with me).
When I ask him if he regrets meeting me so early, he says he could have slept with a bunch of people, but it would have been empty and would rather build something real with me. It’s just the amount of porn he watches hits my self esteem (especially since even the men are prettier than me).
Now I’m fine with a little porn every once in a while, but that’s not what he’s doing. Anyone been in this situation before? I really do love him, and he loves me and we often talk about our future together. But I’ll be damned if I marry a man jacking it off every night. But we’ve been together for SO long, I feel like it’s my fault somehow. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
TL;DR
My boyfriend of 6 years watches loads of porn (gay and straight). And hasn’t changed his habits. I’m starting to get old enough that I’m thinking about the future, and can’t have a porn-addicted man as a husband. What do I do
Comments
Is he watching porn all the time? If he is, ask him to minimize it for a while and try to focus on the two of you.
As to your reaction to the bi porn, I get why it makes you worry. But at the same time, if doesn’t necessarily have any bearing on his relationship with you.
I would be embarrassed if someone looked at my porn searches. I have fantasies I never want to act on…
I think the type of porn he watches is irrelevant, but clearly he likes to watch porn and jerk off. He’s probably only looking at those videos for a minute or so each, and keeps changing it to keep the excitement high while he masturbates. So a half hour session he could see who knows how many different videos. If he’s in a funk he’s using it as a coping mechanism looking for a dopamine rush. I do the same shit.
Being bi shouldnt be an issue. You knew that when you started dating. People watch all kinds of stuff in porn that they wouldn’t or won’t do in real life.
If you don’t want to date someone that watches porn, then that’s what you should focus on.