As the title says, my (29F) husband (29M) paid for a peep show and blowjob while we were in Japan. I was very nervous about it but still let him do it with my full consent. He was so excited about it as he is quite adventurous sexually, and we’ve discussed the possibility of doing this kind of stuff in the past before. Our relationship is monogamous (not
an open relationship) but for us, consent is everything. I have given my full consent and I have no reason not to trust him. He is the love of my life, and I know he loves me. But I still have concerns….is this something that ‘healthy’ couples do? We have a good sex life, but I grew up religious so my perception of sex, intimacy, and relationships has been warped over the years. I know my husband wants to experience different things in the bedroom such as a FFM threesome (as I am bisexual) so it’s not like we haven’t discussed this at great length before. I know that there are couples who are ‘monogamous’ but do this sort of thing also, so I guess I’m looking for guidance and advice on the whole thing. Has my religious guilt taken over? I love my religion but I don’t feel that it needs to be in my marriage. Sorry if I’m rambling, I just really need some advice from strangers on the internet LMAO.
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
I haven’t. But if you both enjoyed it, go nuts.
so what do you get then?
If there was no manipulating or pressurising going on, and you can take back your consent at any time, it’s healthy.
Boundaries are a “per couple” thing.
You’ve opened a door that will be near impossible to close
A threeway leads to nowhere and will likely cause a lot of issues in your marriage. Ask him why cant the threeway be with 2 males rather than 2 females and see how that sits with him. Why didnt you give him a blowjob yourself???I assume that you don’t give blowjobs to him then……..Why are you LYAO? There’s nothing funny about that scenario.
Whatever you do in your own marriage is your business. As long as it was consensual and agreed upon. It wouldn’t happen in my marriage but that’s my business.
Did it turn you on? Did you only do it because he wanted it?
I would have been devastated if someone I was with was excited to get sex from someone else. Not because of religion. But because I’m monogomous minded, and will only be with men that are too.
Will he let you get the same kind of thing for yourself?
Is your religion the only reason you are having second thoughts?
I agree that religion has no place in the bedroom. But your actual boundaries and desires do. And I’m not sure from the post what those are….
Oh honey, this isn’t a monogamous relationship you opend up your marriage for him. What did you get out it? Will he allow a massage with a happy ending for you??? For someone to go down on you??
If you aren’t allowed to do the same, I’d say there’s misogyny here but it’s still fine if you consent I guess
As long as all parties are giving enthusiastic consent, do whatever you want.
I’ve been with my husband for 17 years and we’ve been in the lifestyle. We are emotionally monogamous but engage in threesomes, group sex and swaps. It literally depends on the couple. There isn’t one answer that fits all.
Talk through it in couple’s counseling and sex therapy. Your husband sure doesn’t sound monogamous to me.
I guess it just comes down to your happiness and being comfortable. If you’re both comfortable with it, and your both getting what you want with hurting each other, then you’re in a healthy relationship.
If there is pressure, feeling uncomfortable with things, or feeling resentment etc, then it is a problem.
But in theory, there is nothing wrong with monogamy or polyamory provided everyone is a knowing adult and agreeing. Or anything inbetween
Sounds like you gave consent but are having second thoughts, so you should tell him that. Something about it is not sitting well either you.
Every couple is different so I do t think you are going to get a universal right answer to whether this is “normal”. Personally this is not something that I would want and would definitely mess up my marriage. It’s certainly prostitution.
Everyone’s marriage is different.
Are you concerned that by giving consent for this now that it leads to other things that you don’t want to concent to? Because that is a sign that this relationship isn’t healthy. (Depending on your answer, that’s either a leave situation or a work on communication situation.)
Are you concerned that by doing something that you feel good about and he feels good about that you’re not healthy? Because that is a sign of you needing to work on yourself.
Girl your relationship is not monogamous. If you were as comfortable with this as you claim you’d not be asking about it.
My observation of situations like yours has been that the real kink here is humiliating the other partner. I would argue that your husband neither loves nor respects you. He simply enjoys seeing how much of a doormat you’ll be to him. Not to mention that most sex workers are trafficked or otherwise forced in to the situation through circumstances beyond their control.
You are a fool if you think he’s not doing these things without your knowledge and consent as well.
There are no prizes for being the Cool Girl.
>- but for us, consent is everything. I have given my full consent and I have no reason not to trust him
– we’ve discussed the possibility of doing this kind of stuff in the past before
– so it’s not like we haven’t discussed this at great length before
Unless it doesn’t go both ways, isn’t this what “healthy” couples are mostly about?
Healthy couples do what’s okay for both people involved.
For some people it’s “not having sex at all”.
For some is being monogamous.
For some is polyamory.
For some is going to swingers clubs and having sex with whoever.
None of these things is bad, the only bad thing is if someone gets uncomfortable/unhappy.
Couldn’t be me. “He was so excited about it” Jesus. Couldn’t be me.
Anyway hope you’re happy and not just pretending to be happy because this is what he wants and you don’t know what’s normal. Wish you the best
I thought you were the one charging him based on the title lmao
Your spouse paying for Sex acts with sex workers? nope not normal. Also, go get checked for STDs.
I wish you had posted this before your husband paid for intimacy because you need to ensure you’re being completely honest with yourself about the reasons you are consenting to kink. Your nervousness about it indicates you may have only done so to make your husband happy (and not because you were legitimately wanting it too). If you can’t sincerely give consent, you need to be open and honest with your husband and his reaction will tell you what you need to know. Fantasizing about being humiliated is often so much better than the reality. Best of luck; feel free to message me if you’d like to talk further.
Signed, someone who FA and FO at a very young age and has been in a fairly miserable marriage that’s still struggling to heal 20 years later.
Just a word of caution: I let my ex-husband do this, and it turned into him continuing to do it behind my back… a lot of times. We are now divorced.
Somethings are best left as a fantasy and for role playing (only if that’s something you’re comfortable with).
But often making fantasies a reality, it can destroy relationships through jealousy and resentment and not being able to see each other the same way, even when there is consent.
This is not something that all or even the majority of “healthy” relationships do. But it works for a small group of people, whether that’s you two…I don’t know.
If you agreed then it’s not cheating. But no, this is not normal. This more than likely will lead to him cheating. He’s not happy with your sex life because he’s looking for satisfaction from someone else. This likely will not end well for your marriage but you do you.
what’s next? he will tell you that letting him fuck another girl is monogamous because he doesn’t have feelings for her? 🤣
If he’s getting his dick sucked by someone else you aren’t really monogamous.
This is definitely not something healthy couples do. I’m sure most women get what they want when they want without their husbands stepping outside of the marriage.
How did he even find this service in Japan? Did he go on some weird sex tour? I feel dirty just reading this.
Everybody here has brought up some good, legitimate concerns, but another thing to think about is that there’s a high likelihood the woman he paid for services from is a trafficking victim and he’s helping perpetuate that. Not a good thing all around.
There’s nothing about this that’s monogamous. No way in hell would I find this remotely ok, and if my husband suggested it, he’d be my ex husband.
“Is this something healthy couples do?”
No. People have their own rules and boundaries in relationships.
If y’all enjoy this type of thing and you insist there is no coercion happening, then have at it, but as someone who didn’t grow up religious, I would still never be comfortable with this type of arrangement in a relationship.
To answer your question, no, this not normal or what “healthy couples” do. Further, I would say, based on your experiences, you are not religious. Nothing in your story aligns with Christian faith and teachings. If you plan to continue this path of “sexual adventures,” you’ll find that you marriage will certainly have negative consequences.
I loved that you said that you love your religion but you don’t feel that it needs to be in your marriage.
In greece there’s this saying ” they tied their donkey”.
Which means that someone can do whatever is possible to catch and tie the donkey and after they succeeded they reeeeest for the rest of their lives.Unfortunately many people behave like that
It’s fine so long as you freely, willingly consent (not pressured) and have equality within the relationship. If you wanted oral sex from a paid, unknown man in a similar scenario, would he be okay with it? Every couple is different and you and he may just be especially open to experimenting. If you both feel GOOD and excited about these encounters, you have equal opportunity to engage in them, and they don’t undermine the primary relationship, fine. But you sound hesitant and I don’t blame you.
Personally I feel this is a slippery slope where today it’s a BJ, tomorrow a 3some, next month you catch him in bed with another woman alone, he says “I thought you’d be cool with it” or similar nonsense. Once you start chipping away at the exclusivity part of the relationship, when does it stop? What happens if one of you enjoy an encounter with the other person more than your spouse, and you start to question your loyalty? Will you still be swinging when you have kids, and how will that feel to you? Will you both feel freer to seek out extramarital affairs because of this past precedent of sex outside the marriage, during inevitable low times in your relationship? You are letting other people into that intimate space usually reserved for your closest partner – it’s quite possible that can result in forming attachments to the 3rd party, and it’s setting a precedent allowing extramarital relationships.
No, ‘normal’ couples don’t do this. But if you agreed first I personally don’t think there’s anything wrong with it.
No, I would not allow this. 1 sexual transmitted disease. 2. Sexual transmitted diseases. 3. Sexual transmitted diseases. Sorry if this is your job but they get so much traffic I don’t see how he wouldn’t catch something. I guess from a religious point even with you having knowledge it’s still adultery. Him doing anything with another person is adultery in the eyes of the church. I am not sure how you can be religious and not have it in your marriage???? So you are picking and choosing which parts of your life are religious? Either you are or not. You can’t be holy on Sunday and let your husband get a blowjob on Monday. It’s called temptation. Will you be tempted or will you stay dedicated to your faith? It’s only for you to decide but stop being lukewarm. Reddit is filled with monogamous relationships who “ wanted to make him happy”. So they opened the door and are now divorced.
Apparently Syphilis is rampant amongst sex workers and John’s here in Japan so I hope it was safe btw
First thought, this isn’t monogamy.
Second thought, I hope he used a condom. He may need an STD/STI panel done.
Third thought, when is it your turn? Or is he the only one allowed to be “adventurous”?
This reads like a ChatGPT prompt.
After the fact, reality is going to slap you all the way to divorce court.
My partner & I had a brief discussion about things like this, then we both cringed, said no & changed the subject. It isn’t right for us. It sounds like you’re open to experimenting with your partner & relationship, which seems fine, but the fact that you posted here makes me think you’re having second thoughts. I’d talk to your partner about it & see what feelings come out organically. Your boundaries matter & if you think they’re blurry, it’s not safe for your relationship.
i know it’s not the point of the post but i just can’t stop thinking about who the hell you got to jerk him off. alone, paying for a blowjob is prostitution, and most that engage in prostitution are sex trafficked.
What if that bj is the best he had in his life? That would change everything.
>I grew up religious so my perception of sex, intimacy, and relationships has been warped over the years
Your husband is taking advantage of your inexperience. You’re an adult so you can do whatever you want, but you need to know that it is NOT normal.
>I know that there are couples who are ‘monogamous’ but do this sort of thing
They’re not monogamous.
>is this something that ‘healthy’ couples do?
No.
>He was so excited about it as he is quite adventurous sexually
Being sexually adventurous is not the same as wanting to cheat on your wife. Are you sure you’re really in love? A prerequisite for healthy marriage is knowing that you’d never want to be with anyone else. Why would you lock yourself into a government-defined legal state of relation with someone you’d want to cheat on?
Did he wear protection?
Cool, you enthusiastically OK’d your husband contributing to the sex trade. nonzero chance the woman who provided this “service” was being trafficked/pimped out. But as long as he gets to be “adventurous” right?!
What other people do isn’t going to determine whether you can handle it or not.
Monogamous and agnostic here, would not give consent for my husband to receive sexual pleasure from another person paid or not.
Normal looks different to everyone. You seem to be having second thoughts and maybe that’s something you need to figure out first. If you’re comfortable with it, it’s normal and healthy. If you’re not, you need to talk to your husband and explain that sharing is not always caring.
As someone who is neither religious nor married yet, I am curious as to how you draw the line where you say you love your religion but you dont feel that it needs to be in your marriage. I mean doesn’t following a religion mean you follow what the scriptures says. If it not how do you love your religion then? Genuinely curious.
You do not have to compensate for your religious upbringing by practicing non-monogamy. You just have to know what you want, even if that means non-monogamy. I fear you’re uncomfortable with this, but that you’re worried being uptight and uncool.
You’re not uptight or uncool if you don’t want him to do this. It’s really okay.
It’s not something I personally would ever do… But… If you really feel ok with it, it’s fine for you guys. No relationship is the same.
wait you’re excited about the possibility of another woman’s lips being on the dick that legally belongs to you??? ya couldn’t be me
Do what you feel comfortable with. My guess is you are second guessing yourself if you are posting online. I’d take a moment to explore all your feelings. How are you feeling?
Also, if he is getting blow jobs from other people and you are considering a threesome, you are not monogamous.
this could possibly turn into an issue, i.e. once you let him do this exciting thing he may not find sex with you as titillating and will continue to push the envelope “while being respectful” to see when he can do stuff like this again. love may do much, but when one gains access to a crazy dopamine hit “with wife’s consent”…
No it’s not normal
Ew.
I guess you’re not monogamous anymore.
Yea that relationship is ruined lmao
I only saw a few comments saying this but chiming in as well. Sex tourism is super iffy ethically at the best to pure sex trafficking at the worst. Guarantee those girls(if they aren’t trafficked) wouldn’t be doing that to your husband if other options were open economically.
I’d think about her as well.
I personally would be disgusted if my husband paid a sexworker, even WITH my consent. That’s because you never know who is forced into sexwork (by others, financial situation etc) and who is in it because they actually feel empowered by it. To me it would therefore feel like I contributed in the exploitation of another human…..
BUT let’s say, you 2 went to a sexclub for couples and he got a BJ from someone and you ALL WILLINGLY consented that because it’s your thing, than who the fuck am I to judge!? Would I do it myself? Nope, too territorial for all that: I have read/heared too many relationship breaking up due to bringing others in it and I don’t want to risk my marriage for a couple of minutes of physical pleasure.
So to me, what matters: there 10000% isn’t a case of sexual exploitation/pressure
The whole point of human sex (aside from reproduction) is to bond two people together.
Most major religions have instructions for monogamy (there are a couple exceptions like LDS I think) and you can’t remain faithful and devout while committing adultery.
Many people don’t think these things through before doing them and more often than not, the marriage ends up dissolving after breaking the bounds of marital monogamy…..
There are so many unforeseen consequences. Some are immediate and some develop over time….guilt, jealousy, STDs, a manipulative/meddling 3rd party sex partner, trust issues, anger, unfair treatment, dishonesty, selfishness, loss of desire for the spouse, sexual addiction, betrayal, etc.
There are tons of options and opportunities to explore and expand your sex life safely within the boundaries of your marriage. I would explore all of those before going outside the marriage for fulfillment.
Lastly, make sure this is something YOU want and ask yourself this very hard question:
Am I agreeing to all of these deviant sexual acts willingly or does my consent come from a place of fear that if I don’t, I won’t be enough for him and he will leave me?
This is odd but you do you I guess…
Everyone is so worried about your consent – you’re both awful people for using a woman who probably wasn’t in a position to say no. Possibly trafficked and enslaved. Doesn’t that bother you at all?
I do not think this is a good idea. I have seen so many posts in this thread about allowing their partners to be adventurous sexually in some way and every single time, without fail, it crashes and burns the relationship entirely. Yes I’m sure there are successful relationships out there that do this (allow one partner to receive sexual contact from a person outside the relationship), I get that, but it fails more often than it succeeds. I would never in my life allow my husband to do this, and in my personal opinion I do not think it’s healthy. The mere fact it excites him so much would drive me insane.
Genuine question: why even get married if you want to allow others in? I don’t mean that in a condescending way but a genuine curiosity. It’s an idea that is hard for me to grasp.
You paid for your husband to cheat with a prostitute in another country. Most couples divorce over this behavior.
Do you think this will make your marriage stronger? The marriage is out the door when he start liking them better in bed than you.
If you don’t want religion in your marriage, hope you didn’t get married in a church.
Couples in open marriages do this. Maybe that your next step. He can have sex with other women.
I am not religious at all and my husband and I are very sexually adventurous within our marriage. I would never be comfortable with this. We have tried many things, involving a third party will not be one.
You allowed it to happen, you’re not liking the aftermath, so it doesn’t need to happen again. I don’t think this is necessarily religious guilt, but just a normal reaction to something you’ve never experienced before. It’s like when you try a new ice cream flavor, you wanted to try it, but it’s totally okay if you decide it’s not for you. You never have to eat that flavor again.
You say you’re your marriage is secure and you totally trust him, why are you here asking Reddit what we think? It sounds like you’re on your way to opening up your marriage for trouble ahead. You let a total stranger touch your husband’s private and it’s ok w you?
What are you trying to prove?
That you’re cool and open and understanding about his needs to get satisfied other than you? It seems like you’re opening up a big can of worms for disaster.
If it works for you than who cares.
No, people in monogamous relationships do not do this. This is not normal for closed relationships and is considered cheating to an extent.
From what it sounds, your relationship isnt monogamous at all.
There is no way in hell I’d sign off on my husband getting anything from another person. My husband would never sign off on me doing the same. We are not the type who share. Jealousy would run rampant with us.
If that’s ok for you both, power to you, you have nothing to feel guilty about as long as everyone adheres to the rules put in place.
I would never open that door, though, personally.
‘our relationship WAS monogamous’
I will personally not be ok with this, and I know he will never ask.
but each relationship is different. communication is key now, talk to your partner.
he might try and push the limit a bit more now. be prepared
also, what do YOU want? your post is about him wanting this and that, and you just going along w it.
Idk I’m bisexual as well and I feel like his excitement to get a blowjob by someone else let alone a sex worker in Japan is kind of crazy tbh I personally would feel grossed out that my husband would want to exploit another women in another country and be eager to do it with someone other than me. Feels super icky and predatory. Of all things to do on holiday? That? Something tells me you’re not okay with it because you wouldn’t be here
he’s getting his cock sucked by another woman and you’re saying you have no reason not to trust him. what else does he have to do to break your trust? this is not a monogamous relationship. nor a healthy one. you’re fucking other people and calling it a healthy & monogamous relationship? we’re cooked
If you’re going to do shit like this, maybe do it with women who volunteer themselves without money and aren’t very likely to be trafficking victims?
I mean seriously, for someone who goes on and on about consent in your post you really didn’t seem to consider the other woman’s consent at all.
Gonna be the outlier here and say this is absolutely not normal or healthy. Also, this certainly sounds like prostitution?? At best ???
I don’t love this for you. You would never catch me doing this for my husband, much less admitting this online.
Not something I would ever do, as someone in a monogamous non-religious relationship. Would he be okay with you paying a man for oral sex also? There’s usually some kind of double standard here
I would say don’t get hung up too much on what Reddit says , having said that is something you’re interested in and a turn or is it something he wants to indulge in? And if you wanted to do the same on the future would he be cool with that? It sounds like you’re not sure so make sure you’re totally ok with this.
Have you made sure the person doing it wasn’t being exploited? Did she do it out of her own will? How did you make sure?
Japan is huge on human trafficking and few workers do it out of their own will, to the point of less than 2% sex workers being there willingly.
To be honest, this is way more concerning that anything else you’ve written.
Couples dynamics and sexual freedom mean nothing if it’s at the expenses of another human being.
Only you can know whether you’re truly okay with this. Lay out a framework where you can change your mind in the moment just in case you realise you’re actually NOT okay with it. Could be the moment before, the moment someone other than you touched him, or in the middle of. Doesn’t matter.
Honestly, over my dead body would I be okay with this. The man I’m with shouldn’t be wondering about having sex with other people other than me AND actually trying to go after it. Thinking about it is one thing… going out and doing it is another.
Say this isn’t so. So, did your husband do the honors of paying for you to have oral? I bet not. Now you are thinking of FFM. You know it’s not going to stop always a new adventure. As wanting to keep religion out of your marriage, do you marry in a church?
Monogamous couples do do this sorta cause Monogamous just means having one sex partner at a time and most people just mean it to say they are exclusive to one another put alot of couples exploring opening marriage to to spicy sex up i love that you guys practice consent and you make your partner feel seen and safe during sex I love that but also ask yourself if you like the idea of other people in your sex life cause there’s other ways of spicing things up that isn’t bringing another partner
Uhhh no
Heads up, just because you’re bisexual that doesn’t mean you have to participate in an FFM three-way. Is this something you brought up or him?
Girl….if you don’t keep your husband to yourself 😭
It’s healthy as long as BOTH of you are 100% completely cool with this (especially you in this scenario) and respect each and every boundary set. If you are “allowing” things to happen in your relationship just for him even though you are not comfortable with it, IMO that must stop this second or it will be the demise of your relationship. Like I said anything goes that you are BOTH 100% cool with. Do not do anything that you are not completely comfortable with. You can tell him you are not comfy yet and maybe you will be eventually and once you are you will let him know. You can’t take back what’s already been done but you do what has not yet been done which is always the best route. Never look to others to tell you what is healthy for your relationship. Thats up for you to decide alone and also with your hubby. Religion is fine but not for guidance in every scenario or we’d all be doomed. Anything to any extreme doesn’t bode well IMO, balance is the key. Life is short, have fun but make sure to take care or yourself, your relationships, your loved ones, and even strangers… if only all humans possessed the wisdom and qualities of open mindedness, acceptance and tolerance we’d live in utopia. Sorry for the rant. I just really feel your post and hope I could help. ✌️♥️😁
In sg it’s very normal babe after they having kids I know few couples doing this with 3 some also
Some people will judge you and some people will tell you that they have done that too. Do what is right for you as a couple. I find that boundaries and social norms change as you grow older. You would be surprised by the number of older couples who allow third parties into the bedroom either with one or both of them.
It really sounds like your religious guilt is sitting on your shoulder here. You love your husband, he loves you, and your relationship is good. Why, then, would something done with consent of all parties be bad?
Long term partners get up to all kinds of adventurous stuff. As long as you do it with consent and reasonable (STI / contraception) precautions, it’s good. You need to stay aware of your comfort levels, stay honest to yourself and communicate.
In the case of hiring a sex worker, I would also pay a great deal of attention to if said worker is doing the job because they like it, or survival sex work, or if there’s any indications of trafficking. I wouldn’t dare to do it in a different country, because I’d lack the networks that would direct me to the people who do it because they really want to.
Nothing wrong as long as you both agreed to do this since your hubby enjoying but ask him to do STD test 1st easy to have sick
I definitely don’t think religion should be a factor in your decision making process. Remember that everything is made up by humans. Everything: religion, gender norms, fashion, monogamy, blow jobs, peeps shows, marriage, school, money etc etc. all created and thought up by humans. You get to form your own opinions about what you’re ok with. I think that this could be a healthy part of a relationship if it’s done with good communication and respect for clearly defined boundaries.
So…how did it go? How do you feel? How does he feel? Has anything changed?
Yeah, I hate to say it but it never can stop there. Once you’ve agreed to outside the relationship the next will always come. Just because it was in a different country does not mean it will stay there or that it was a special. There will be another ask or he’ll just start doing it without asking using the excuse you said it was ok.
Imo you don’t sound happy at all that this happened but are in denial. When a commenter asked you what you get in return you said “a happy and fulfilled husband (…)”and, not gonna lie, that felt a bit gross.
I can’t speak for partners who are both into open relationships (you didn’t fully opened it but the door is ajar) but I didn’t hear a single thing from you that made you turned on and happy. Just that he was” so excited “(WTF) to do it and that he can be happy, etc etc.
With the excuse of” maybe I’m just religiously repressing my sexual desires ” you’re allowing things you’re not 100% comfortable with you happening. The” I guess I’m just exploring and seeing how I feel about it” is because you’re rationalizing what happened. You guys need to talk a bit more about this and you shouldn’t act out on fantasies or proposals in sexual nature unless they’re a turn for both (and legitimately; no second guessing or “well, the thing is…” )
Normal within a relationshipn is not an absolute. If it doesn’t bother you, and your priorities are consent and trust then why worry about it. It’s your business and nobody else’s. Would i be ok with that? Probably not, but you aren’t me and my spouse is not yours. Enjoy what you have if it’s working for you.
It might not be what most couples do but that doesn’t matter. If you are both happy with it and consenting then there’s no issue, you have to decide if you are ok with him getting blow jobs from others.