I (29M)and my (28F)gf of a year and a half hosted a woman (33F) through couchsurfing which is an app that allows you to host travelers in your home for free . We’re supposed to host her for two nights and on the first night my gf was in the bathroom and i was sitting on the couch the woman we’re hosting was sitting far away from me and then she asked about places to visit in the city and to show me something on the phone she came and sat so close to me . I was sitting towards the end of the sofa ( 6 seater ) and out of all spots she came and sat in the tiny space left at the end of the sofa . I found it weird and i kinda moved away a bit but we were still close . I realize now that i shouldn’t have cared that i should have moved to the other side of the sofa but at the moment i kinda froze and didn’t know what to do . I tried not to have any body contact with her and not to lean against her but from a third person’s perspective we kinda still looked close . My gf didn’t say anything at night and i knew she was pissed off so we just went to bed , its the morning now , the girl has left and me and my gf just had a big argument and she said that i allowed that to happen and if it was her she would’ve had stood up and moved away . I’m not attracted to this woman at all but at the same time i feel stupid for not acting quick about it . How would you have handled the situation ?
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It sounds like you felt uncomfortable too, and I don’t think this is entirely your fault at all. You weren’t reciprocal in body language, and if your girlfriend trusts you I don’t know why she’d immediately be upset about the situation. Just based off the info you gave, I think she’s majorly overreacting. I’m the same age and gender as her and I can’t imagine arguing over something so silly. Hopefully she just needs time to cool off.
You are both almost 30 and worried about a couch surfer setting too close with the partner in the next room? Are you sure you guys aren’t 19 and 23?
I’m just confused about why you would have someone over for free? Like what’s the point of that?
Sounds like you weren’t expecting the couch surfer to invade your space like that and so froze out of surprise. If it were to happen again, I’m sure you would move away because it wouldn’t be totally unexpected. Your gf will cool down. She was surprised too.
Cant think of anything worse than letting complete strangers just into your home.
What would I have done? For starters, I wouldn’t invite a perfect stranger to live in my house for 2 days without even getting paid for it. But given that she was only showing you something on the phone for a moment, if it were me, I would’ve just put up with the temporary discomfort in order to maintain peace with someone whom I have to live with for the next 2 days. Not worth making things even more uncomfortable over it. I would’ve given her the benefit of the doubt and assumed she just had a different sense of personal space than me. And I’m assuming she gets to rate you on the app on how good of a host you are, which could affect your future hosting opportunities. If that is the case, another reason I would’ve just held my tongue.
Now if she made a habit out if invading my personal space, then I would’ve explained that it makes me uncomfortable and asked her to stop. In order to avoid embarrassing her, I would probably have told her I had social anxiety and it wasn’t her fault .
People’s fight/flight/freeze/fawn reactions differ, and for some can be out of their control. So it doesn’t really matter what Redditors would have done. It only matters what you did, which is freeze, which may very well be your natural reaction to uncomfortable situations and difficult to snap out of right away. Perhaps it would help to explain to your partner how you wanted to move but just froze out of discomfort and fear of being rude. Then show her something online that explains the fight/flight/ freeze/fawn reaction.