I (30 F) am an only child and have lived with my mom (63F) all my life, except for the 4 years that I went out of state for school.
I got together with my boyfriend (34 M) 4 years ago and is my first boyfriend. He has been an amazing person. I suffer from anxiety and phobias, and he has been so caring and understanding. I feel like any other guy would have walked out on our relationship due to it.
My mom did not like my boyfriend from the beginning because he does not make a lot of money and comes from humble origins. My mom also didn’t want me growing an attachment to anyone because it was always in her plans to move to another state with low cost of living where she has a paid off home, and me moving with her.
I told my mom that I don’t want to move with her because I really like my boyfriend and I want to see where our relationship goes. My boyfriend does not want to do a long distance relationship and said that once I move then we are officially over.
If I stayed with my boyfriend, then we would rent a place together until we can save enough money for a wedding and house. My mom said that if I stayed with my boyfriend then she is not moving out of state and would live with my boyfriend and I because she doesn’t want to be far from me and rent is very expensive to live on her own (this is in California).
After many arguments in California, I was still forced to move with my mom. I know that as a 30 year old I’m an adult and can make my own choices however my mom guilt trips me by saying how can I leave her alone and that I don’t care about her. She would also say negative things about my boyfriend like,he is only with me for my money because I make more than him and that he is too attached to his mom (57F) and family. My mom worries that his family will take advantage of my boyfriend and me, for example covering his family’s expenses or even taking his family to live with us.
Currently, my boyfriend is living with his family and pays for a majority of the expenses. My boyfriend and I have talked about this and he said that his family would have to figure out how to support themselves if we move in together. My boyfriend also does not want my mom to live with us because he just wants us 2 to be independent without interference from our parents.
It has been a few weeks since I moved with my mom and I miss my boyfriend. Due to my anxiety and phobias, it is hard for me to meet new people and socialize. I don’t really have any friends. My boyfriend helped me socialize and introduced me to his family and friends. Going out with him and spending time with him helped me have more of a social life. Before I met him, my life was pretty bland and I feel like I’ve returned to that lifestyle by moving with my mom.
We do have family where we moved to but I am just tired of being with my mom all the time. I feel like I’m her companion and it will be hard for me to branch out again and meet new people to socialize.
I could stay with my mom in this new state. Logically, it makes more sense to live in a low cost of living state because it’s easier to buy my own home compared to California. My mom says I can find someone else here. My mom and family also tell me to find someone who makes a lot of money so we can be financially stable and have enough for retirement. However I feel like that is easier said than done because it is very hard for me to socialize and be comfortable with people.
If I go back with my boyfriend, it will be a rough financial road ahead of us. We both have debt to pay off and will take us years to save for a house.
TL; DR Should I stay with my mom for the low cost of living and “easier” path to financial stability but sacrifice my good relationship with my boyfriend back in Calfornia? Or, should I take the risk of moving back to California and live with my boyfriend who gives me social and emotional support but have a more difficult financial path?