Hello All,
My girlfriend and I have been together for quite a while now. I absolutely adore her. She treats me better than anyone else I’ve ever been with. Words cannot describe how I feel around her and I couldn’t imagine life without her. There is one thing that is getting the way though.
She loves to cosplay and go to every convention there is. I have been to a handful now and I just cannot stand them. I do it to support her and will always be there for her but these things are not enjoyable for me. The late nights, drinking, constant costume changes, and the amount of money I spend is crazy. I am at one right now and between the parking, hotel, food, and events it costs me so much and I am literally broke after these things until my next paycheck.
I am giving it a fair shot and I do my best to support her but my heart is just not in it. We go to these conventions almost every other month and it is so exhausting. I honestly feel like I want to bring it up but at the same time I don’t know how she will feel. Any tips on how I should go about this? Thank you!
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Talk to her about it.
How do you expect to have a healthy, long term relationship if you won’t talk to your partner?
Also: do you have to go to every one? Having separate hobbies is a healthy, normal human experience.
See if you can support her interest in some other way than dressing up too. Couples dont need to have the same interests like current society makes you think. You can vibe just by being supportive. Cosplay event coming up? Offer to go with her and take pictures of her. Surprise her with new cosplay outfits (win for you and her). Help her choose between outfits. Let her act out cosplaying scenes with you as a regular person. Be creative, my boy. Doesnt always have to involve money.
You aren’t obligated to be into the hobbies your partner is into. Of course you can support in many ways, it doesn’t just have to be financial. But if the issue is with finances, then I think it’s definitely worth bringing it up. If you aren’t feeling like you like going to these conventions or the activities involved with it, tell her about it. You have know how to communicate with things that are bothering you with your partner or you can’t expect anything to change. Obviously tact is essential so feelings are hurt, but you ultimately can’t control how she will react. If she’s reasonable and understanding, she’ll make an effort to understand or at least come to a compromise.
You’re spending too much money and you don’t like these things. It’s madness to spend that much when you can’t afford it. “Hey, I’m spending too much money on these conventions. I love your passion for cosplay, but I can’t keep spending money I don’t have. I need to be saving. What if I go with you X times per year, but the rest of the time I stay home? You get to go out and have fun, and I can hold the fort down at home.” She may be disappointed, but that won’t kill either of you.
Almost every other month? So she’s asking you to do 5-6 of these a year and that’s too much…?
If you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it. But it’s a tough sell to tell her that you just can’t muster the energy for that few events a year.
Maybe compromise – tell her how many you can do?
You are right that you don’t know how she will
Feel but this is part of being in a relationship, you need to be able to have tough conversations with your partner or you’re just in a glossy overlay of your life. Your request is totally reasonable. You don’t enjoy it and you can’t afford it.
There should be a compromise that can be reached if she is reasonable. If there isn’t then you aren’t compatible. That being said have you been fibbing about this for years? If so she’s reasonably doing to be upset. Or were you lying to yourself?