Never posted on here before so bear with me. Gonna be a long one. But i was wondering on what advice you all have for me. Im gonna start from the beginning. Back in 2017 i asked Amy to be my Gf. We had been dating for a few months. At the time i was away with the military and i wasn’t home very often, so the days that i was it was really nice to come home to her and spend time with her. PSA im going to be very honest on here about how i was thinking at the time. Not going to lie but i also enjoyed the guaranteed sex. I wasn’t one to go out and date a bunch of girls so being able to come home to a beautiful woman who liked having sex too was great! I would come home. We would spend a few days together. Have lots of sex. Then i would leave again. I never treated her like shit and i genuinely cared about her. Never cheated on her and genuinely enjoyed being w her. I treated her w respect, but to be completely honest, i think the true reason i asked her to be my gf was because of the sexual aspect. I was very busy and had no time to chase girls but im still a man with needs lol. Despite having a good relationship with her i always had it in the back of my mind that one day we were going to break up. I was working towards a goal within my career that would eventually take me very far away and i would probably never see her again and i didn’t want a long distance relationship. So i molded things over in my mind and i asked myself what is more important? My career or my relationship w this woman. At the time i chose my career. Through the course of a couple years i was training for this goal with intensity. I became extremely disciplined, extremely fit, i was the healthiest ive ever been, every day was a new challenge and i was genuinely loving just working on my self and the man i wanted to become. I was loving life! The down side to this was that i was spending alot less time with Amy. She started to feel neglected. She started to feel that she was no longer a priority. I never changed the way i treated her but i just didn’t spend enough time with her anymore. I know she knew something was up. I just didn’t have the heart to tell her that i was planning on leaving. Fast forward to 2020. This was the year i was going to make my move and leave for the betterment of my career and my life. And to finally become the man i wanted to become. This was also the year i was going to break up with amy. I hated the thought of it because i truly did love her and care for her but that wasn’t enough to stay w her. I wasn’t going to take her with me cause i knew shed be miserable. Being alone in a new place while i was away all the time. I thought it would be best to break it off and allow us both to become a better version of ourselves. This is where the sex thing comes into play. For our entire relationship we were having unprotected sex all the time. I know. Very irresponsible. It finally caught up to us. About 2 weeks prior to the day i had planned to talk to amy she told me she was pregnant w our first child. Everything changed. My career was no longer a priority. At that moment the only thing that mattered was my kid. Leaving was no longer an option. You may ask why wouldn’t i just take them with me. The job i was aiming for would not have allowed me to spend any time w my kid and i always told myself if i ever had kids i was going to be a real father and actually raise them unlike my dad who was never around. I was NOT going to be an absent father. So despite my hard work and despite me not wanting to be in the relationship anymore. I sucked it up and had amy move in w me. I told myself i had to make this work. I said to myself my only priority now is being a great father. Fast forward 9 months later i had my first child. It is an amazing feeling being a dad. Best thing ive ever done. We had a healthy beautiful baby boy. We were living together. I gave them both everything. Every single penny i made went to them and their well being. Every single moment of time outside of my job (still military btw) went to my boy and amy. Things looked good on the outside but on the inside i was miserable. Don’t get me wrong. Every moment spent w my son is pure happiness and love but outside of that not so much. I felt lost. Kinda trapped. I was filled w regret and resentment that i never got to achieve my goals( nobody’s fault but my own) Fast forward about 1 year after my son was born i got deployed. It was bitter sweet for me. Bitter in that id be away from my son. Sweet in that i finally got to get away from my situation. Being in a relationship that i didnt want to be in anymore. During my deployment life back home was spirling out of control. Amy couldnt be alone w my son. She was depressed. The house was a disaster. She was begging me to come home. Knowing i couldnt do anything about it. At the end of my deployment i made the terrible decision to get out of the military even though i loved it and it was a dream job for me. I did it because i felt Amy and my son needed me home desperately. I didnt want to get out. I hated every moment of quitting the military. Amy supported my decision. She was all for it. Not once did she tell me i was making a mistake. Every negative feeling i had was immediately enhanced. First day back home i found the house in shambles. My son was living in filth. It took every ounce of discipline in me to not go off on amy cause i understand how difficult it is being a mom. Especially being alone. So once again i sucked it up and got the house together. And got to looking for a new job. This is where my life really started to suck. I started working as a security guard. Made decent money but my life started spirling out of control. Started drinking excessively, eating like shit, stopped working out, i didnt care to be intimate w amy and would only do it when she wanted to, i would sleep all day. I could go on and on. I was mess. Still am. Absolute worst part is i became a lazy dad. I couldn’t play w my kid cause i was so damn hung over. I would cut play dates short cause i needed to hit the liquor store before it closed. Pathetic. I became the exact opposite of the man i wanted to be. The man i work so hard to become. Now nothing. Just a drunk security guard. No goal no purpose. Just surviving. Amy wasnt doing much better. This went on till my son was about 3. Heres the kicker. Amy was pregnant again. You might say why the fuck would you have another kid with a woman you dont want to be with anymore! Valid. But the thing is i always knew if i had 1 kid i am most definitely having 2. Cause whatever happens between me and amy at least i know that my son would not be alone. He would have a brother he could take comfort in. A lifelong best friend. I grew up as an only child and it was a very lonely childhood. I didn’t want that for my son. So here i am. Miserable. Broken. Resentful. Terrible partner. Terrible father. About to have another kid. I had to kick myself in the ass. I told myself to quit feeling sorry for myself and get back to work. Find a new purpose. So for the next 9 months i tried just that. I failed. Time and time again. Every career level job i applied to i failed to get. It was exhausting. Time was running out. Baby 2 was almost here. Luckly i was able to land a good paying job working for a private ambulance company as an EMT. This job was actually a god sent because i can honestly say i found a new purpose. My new goal is to become a paramedic with my local fire dept. Its a job that gets me excited. To the same level as the job i gave up. Only problem is, my situation hasnt changed. I find myself now in a vicious circle. I start to get on my feet again by working out eating right remaining disciplined only to relapse and go back into my destructive habits and having to start over. I have been in this situation for 2 years now. My oldest is now 4 and a half and my youngest is now 2. Total of 5 years ive been in this situation of failure and depression and resentment. And i cant seem to break out of it. I know it has to do with me being with amy. I love her but i dont want to be w her anymore. I cant help but feel shes holding me back from reaching my potential and becoming a great man. One that my kids can look up to. I want to be better. I want to live a large productive adventurous lifestyle but she seems to be content w mediocrity. Just living the same day over and over again. And if i want to accomplish my goals i know i have to become that fit disciplined man i once was. Its going to take a lot of work and i wont be able to do it in my current situation. But it also hurts me grealty to think of leaving amy and as a result leaving my kids. I know we can co parent but it wont be the same. I also cant stand the thought of breaking her heart. She relies on me for alot. I know she would struggle so much without me and idk if i can put her through that. But now i ask myself and im asking you as well. What should i do? Leave amy and seek my own happiness and goals so that i can be that great man i want to be. And a great father my kids can look up to. Or. Stay with amy and learn to want to be with her for the sake of the kids. I know they say never stay together just cause of the kids but i cant stand the thought of them growing up with separate parents. Don’t know what to do.
TL;DR I 30M want to break up with my girlfriend 29F but we have 2 kids together. I hate the thought of leaving her and breaking her heart as well as leaving the kids but i am so unhappy and i miss the man i was. Fit, diciplined, successful. Thats the father my kids deserve but i feel that being in this relationship is preventing me from being that man. Do i stay for the sake of the kids or do i leave to seek my own happiness also for the sake of the kids?